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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Acceptable time to sleep after night shift.

145 replies

Deepmidwicket · 22/04/2020 17:37

I work 2 night shifts a week. After the first a go to bed for most of the day as I am between 2 Night shifts. I work between 12 and 14 hours shifts both nights

After the last night shift and since being in lockdown my husband seems to think I should go to bed at 10am when I get in and be up and ready for doing stuff at 12noon such as homeschooling and playing with our six yea told DS. He says because I am not at work that night I should power through.

I have done this for 2 weeks now, got up today to find they had got all the stuff out for baking and I was expected to happily join in.

My husband is a teaching and only working a day a week at the moment

Aibu to expect to be left a bit longer

OP posts:
Mistystar99 · 22/04/2020 17:53

DH is a selfish arse

iolaus · 22/04/2020 17:54

It depends if I'm not back in the same night I will usually be up by midday as otherwise I won't be able to sleep that night to switch back onto 'normal' times

However I'm usually in bed by about 8.30-9am

After a shift when I'm back in that night I'll stay in bed till about 2.30-3 (I tend to wake about 2 but make myself stay in bed)

rubydoobydoo · 22/04/2020 17:55

I need at least 7 hours between night shifts and try to cut it down to 5-6 after my last one to help me re-acclimatise back into normal person hours!

Have you asked him WHY he feels you should be getting up so early, and why he thinks you should have to exist on virtually no sleep?

Agree with PP who have suggested waking him up 2 hours after he's gone to bed and making him do baking!

Bienentrinkwasser · 22/04/2020 17:56

I need at least 4 hours after my last night to feel half human. I’m shit with sleep deprivation.

Brefugee · 22/04/2020 17:56

when i was in the Army and did night shifts we went off shift at 7:30 and we were expected to be available after 14:00.

8 hours is reasonable, so he shouldn't be expecting to see you before 16:00

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 22/04/2020 17:57

You are crazy if you listen to him. Why do you think it is up to your DH to decide how many hours you sleep?
I would be telling him - however many hours he sleeps at night, you will be having that same amount in the day.

Are you sure you have that right - he thinks after working 10-12 hours you should only have 2 hours sleep? How can he be so incredibly selfish and imbecilic??

eeyore228 · 22/04/2020 17:57

My DH and I work nights. No way would either of us expect 2 hrs of sleep, that’s unreasonable.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/04/2020 17:57

Yanbu.

I'd say home at 10am, bit of wind down time and a nice brunch. Bed for 11.30am, sleep til 4 (only so that you then sleep that night).

And that's the bare minimum! He is working 1 day a week. Therefore the other 4 weekdays he should be on kid duty with you stepping in as and when your shifts allow.

Brefugee · 22/04/2020 18:01

also - when does your DH go to bed when he gets home on a friday? half an hour after he gets home? I'm another one who says that you should wake him after 2 hours sleep.

Greenkit · 22/04/2020 18:06

Both my SO and I work night shifts x 2, we work together.

First night we sleep 7am till 3pm or sleep 7am till 12noon and then grab a few more hours before we set off again at 9pm (so at least 8hrs)

Second night we sleep 7am till 12noon and then probably go to bed about 9.30/10pm

Night shifts are bloody knackering

trixiebelden77 · 22/04/2020 18:09

The person who works nights has to decide how they manage sleep.

Agree with other night shift worker posters...I’ve never spoken to anyone who doesn’t work nights who truly gets it. I also sleep around four hours after my last night (I do 50% nights with four or five 12.5 hr shifts every fortnight) after my last night and cannot describe how uninterested I am in the opinion of day workers (especially when they’re working one day a week....) on how I manage my sleep to keep functioning.

Frankola · 22/04/2020 18:13

Is he joking?! He's being nothing but selfish and inconsiderate here! Get your sleep or you will end up unwell

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/04/2020 18:13

For the past week, Ive worked every other night. Im just about functioning, im off tonight and have had about an hours sleep. Will probably go to bed about 11 and hopefully sleep. Back to work the next 2 nights then off for 4 tfft.

Fullyhuman · 22/04/2020 18:15

Why is your husband trying to control how much you sleep? Why isn’t he listening to you? I agree with the people saying wake him in the night and ask how chirpy he feels, and if this doesn’t bring on a damascene change in attitude, i’d honestly suggest divorce.

GrandTheftWalrus · 22/04/2020 18:15

I'm doing 4 on 4 off just now. I sleep from 9.30am to 4.30pm. I am really struggling just now however as I'm 6wks pregnant. And have a 3yo. Usually when I finish my last night I just stay up but now I'm going to bed and getting up at 4 as usual but then back in bed by 11pm.

But yes phone him or wake him after 2hrs sleep and see how he likes it.

FrippEnos · 22/04/2020 18:16

Dyrne
Err... not really. You don’t need to work nights to appreciate that a person has worked all night and therefore needs time to sleep in the day.

You would be surprised at how many people struggle to understand how much sleep is needed and how badly it damages your body.

WineAndTiramisu · 22/04/2020 18:16

On nights, I try to get 4 hours before the first one (doesn't usually work), then 8-10 hours between shifts and 4 hours after the last one, usually up by 12-1400 depending on finish time so I can sleep that night.
Your husband's being an idiot. I would ask him how much sleep he's had those two nights (probably 16ish?), And ask him why he thinks you magically need less than that in the same period!

userabcname · 22/04/2020 18:18

He sounds like an absolute fucking idiot to be quite frank. Of course you need more than 2 hours sleep! Tell him you are sleeping until whatever time and that you are NOT to be disturbed.

simplekindoflife · 22/04/2020 18:20

2 hours sleep?! You'll make yourself ill!

Tell him you'll do 2 hours if he does!

crochetandshit · 22/04/2020 18:20

I think this is more than him being selfish.
I think he's really fucking nasty, and sees it as you lounging around in bed while he's up.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 18:20

What a total arsehole. I'd wake him up after 2 hours of sleep and tell him to power through. Fuck that. He's been cruel. He CBA'd with this kids.

littlemefi · 22/04/2020 18:23

I need minimum 4 hrs sleep after 1 night shift- let him try functioning on 2 hrs sleep and you'll soon banish that notion!

TreeTopTim · 22/04/2020 18:24

I seem to be strange because I used to do this when I worked nights. I would get home around 8.30am, be sleeping by 10am and up around 12pm. But then a normal night sleep for me is about 4-6 hours.

bloodywhitecat · 22/04/2020 18:24

Also love it when that day when you finish your nights is classed as an "off" day. You've already worked 8 hours of that day from midnight!

The amount of times I had that discussion with my manager when she would put us back on long days the day after our nights finished.

OP your 'D' dickhead? H is an arse, tell him to sling his hook, you'll do that once he starts working night shifts.

HandfulofDust · 22/04/2020 18:24

I've never worked nights but it's fairly clear to me that most people won't be well functioning after a night shift and two hours sleep. I would assume you'd want to work out a schedule where you get some time with the kids and DH gets some time to himself but two hours sleep is clearly not going to be enough for you to function like a normal human being. I'd also assume it would be pretty terrible for your immune system.

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