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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Acceptable time to sleep after night shift.

145 replies

Deepmidwicket · 22/04/2020 17:37

I work 2 night shifts a week. After the first a go to bed for most of the day as I am between 2 Night shifts. I work between 12 and 14 hours shifts both nights

After the last night shift and since being in lockdown my husband seems to think I should go to bed at 10am when I get in and be up and ready for doing stuff at 12noon such as homeschooling and playing with our six yea told DS. He says because I am not at work that night I should power through.

I have done this for 2 weeks now, got up today to find they had got all the stuff out for baking and I was expected to happily join in.

My husband is a teaching and only working a day a week at the moment

Aibu to expect to be left a bit longer

OP posts:
Elieza · 22/04/2020 18:25

You will become ill if you have insufficient sleep over a prolonged period.
You will start making mistakes in work.
If you drive there then you could find your concentration is below par and there is potential for accidents.
My night shift friend has had many car prangs or lucky near misses as overtired when driving to or home.

How many hours of sleep does your husband get? Seven? Eight? I’d be telling him that in future you will have the same amount so not to wake you until xx time.

Up to you when you go to sleep. My neighbour and friend usually go to their beds around 9-10am and get up around 4-5pm.

Don’t take any snash from him. Your health is important, and considering you are working way way way more hours than him he must realise this.

Twigletfairy · 22/04/2020 18:26

Tell him to fuck right off.

If it was my last night shift for a couple of days I would go to sleep within an hour of being home and sleep 6 hours. Generally I would be tired enough that night to still be able to go to bed at a reasonable time that night.

He has absolutely no right to tell you how much sleep you should be getting.

Emmacb82 · 22/04/2020 18:26

Everyone is saying how horrible the husband is, and yes he shouldn’t be dictating how much sleep you need. But why are you letting him?! Why are you getting up when he wants you to? Being that his job is teaching he is more than capable of doing the home schooling whilst you sleep. I think you need to put your foot down and go to bed for however long you need to. Personally after nights, I go to bed pretty much straight away, I wouldn’t wait till 10. And then I would be up by 3. So maybe try and go up by 9 and get up at 1? But at the end of the day it’s your decision, no one else’s.

Hoggleludo · 22/04/2020 18:27

Working a night shift. Messes up your circadian rhythm

Which in turn messes with hormone production

Things like thyroid. Cortisol. Acth.

In turn this can eventually mean you start to feel the effects like having graves. Or adrenal insufficiency. Whilst you would t have it. I do and it feels like your dying.

Fun fact. Circadian rhythm is what makes your body produce the hormones at the right time. It's also responsible for when you feel jet lag. If the part of our brain which control circadian was destroyed. You'd die. As we all need it to survive. People who are blind from birth have a really hard time falling asleep. As their bodies don't have any circadian to go on

Tada!

WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty · 22/04/2020 18:29

My DH works 2 night shifts in a row, the day of his first night he sleeps in and then gets a small nap in the afternoon, the day after his first night shift he sleep for between 6-8 hours and the day after his last night shift he has about 5-6 hours. He finishes earlier than 10am, but is still not quite with it or ready for a full on afternoon after his last night.
I think your DH is being unreasonable expecting you to function after 2 hours sleep, especially as sleeping in the day isn't as good as sleeping at night.

withadivinebeatlesbaseline · 22/04/2020 18:29

Not on at all, I usually have about 4 hour nap after my last night from 10-2 then power on until bedtime. It’s hard!

I don’t think people quite get it if they don’t work them. My dad has just told me it’s good I have tomorrow and Saturday ‘off’. Well, no, I’m working 12.5 hour night shifts tomorrow and Friday night Angry Even though I’ve worked nights for 12 years he doesn’t get it!

Show him the poll results, YANBU

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/04/2020 18:30

Thank you for that info Hogg, even though my brain is fucked up enough, It went way over my head Smile

ChateauMargaux · 22/04/2020 18:32

Just tell him to imagine you are working 8 hours during the day and not in the house until 5pm.. you will then be capable and happy to join in family life but remind him that just because you are all on lockdown, does not mean you have to spend every waking hour having canned fun together.

Lindy2 · 22/04/2020 18:34

Why on earth are you letting someone else tell you how much sleep you need. You are the person who decides when you sleep and how long for.

Just tell him clearly you have worked all night. You now need x number of hours sleep (just like everyone else needs) and you will be in bed until x o'clock. Then shut yourself away in the bedroom and leave them to it.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 22/04/2020 18:37

It shouldn't even be up for discussion, you sleep as long as you need to after a long nightshift. Tell him he is not in control of your sleep pattern and to stop being a lazy arse wanting help to look after his own child. Selfish sod.

Ragwort · 22/04/2020 18:41

What Shock, ??? He sounds totally ignorant and very unsupportive.

He is the one that should be homeschooling your DS if he is a TA, what does he expect to be doing all day?

Gruffawoah · 22/04/2020 18:43

I bet he sleeps longer than that at nighttime. I used to work 2 days followed by 2 nights and then 4 off, I would be hanging out if I only had 2 hours sleep after the second night shift! Do your children sleep okay at night? If so and he isn't up and down like a yo yo when you are working nights, you should get a whole working day off from teaching etc in my opinion.

BabbleBee · 22/04/2020 18:44

I would actually be sick if I’d only slept for 2 hours after a second night shift.

I’d need to be awake for a good part of the day so I could sleep that night but would be in a zombie state...

rookiemere · 22/04/2020 18:46

Oh my goodness, what a horrible horrible man. I can't believe you're putting up with it. I'd be tempted to look out accommodation for key workers - presumably you are one - and stay there for the days after you've worked nights. Surely he must understand you need to sleep. Were you not doing nights before?

OneKeyAtATime · 22/04/2020 18:50

My husband is a shift worker and that s what he does after his last shift. It s the only way he s found that works for him. I think people s body clocks work differently. What works for someone may not work for someone else. Did yours use to work shifts?

MinnieMountain · 22/04/2020 18:52

If he's only working for 1 day a week, surely you can have more time to sleep than normal not less?

VerbenaGirl · 22/04/2020 18:55

My husband works 12 hour nights, sleeps most of the day if he can between shifts and around 4 hours after his last one - but I always accept that he’s not at his best for the rest of that day, and he takes things easy. You need to make him aware that getting enough sleep is vital for your health.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 22/04/2020 18:57

dh does 2 days, 2 nights, 4 off, and he does power through after the last night shift, we don't do anything important, just daunder about, he tends to have a bit of a nap late afternoon and then early bed

Having said that he used to be in the police and was used to doing a whole week of nights and it was a good deal more stressful a job than the one he does now

plus his sleep pattern is and always has been rubbish... so if he slept the day after the second night shift he wouldn't sleep that night and that's another day ruined

BUT that suits us, suits him and works because his current job is way less aggro and much more easy-osy, on the odd occasion it all kicks off I absolutely would not begrudge him sleeping as he wanted.

YouJustDoYou · 22/04/2020 18:59

My dh pre virus used to do overnights. I just let him sleep BUT that was because when he did eventually wake up he did his normal, expected part in the house etc. Yoir dh is being selfish and utterly unrealistic and bet your last penny if it were the other way around that fucker would be sleeping in all day, and still want his "me time" hobby shit to do after as well whilst you continued to do all child care and house work etc.

Slith · 22/04/2020 19:04

Refuse to get out of bed until you've had 8 hours.

DeeCeeCherry · 22/04/2020 19:11

No man would be monitoring my sleep times after work, that's for sure. Fuck off with that. Sleep deprivation impacts on your health.

I'm so weary these days of reading about nonsense rules women are expected to put up with just on a man's say so.

I 100% wouldn't put up with this, life is far more peaceful without control freaks in it. Not to mention he's lazy too.

Chesterfuckingdrorrs · 22/04/2020 19:12

Just another one saying your DH is being massively unreasonable. Nightshift really is like no other and unless you have worked them it's hard to understand just how much they affect you.

Not many people doing 9-5 get home from work and go straight to bed. Depending on how busy I've been, I'm easily awake for 2-3 hours before I can fall asleep. Add in that it's much lighter/noisier you really don't get a proper undisturbed restful sleep. Your eating pattern is screwed up and if you work rotating shifts, after a few days you have to try and force yourself back to a "normal" cycle until the next time nights come around again.

I've works shifts for 17 years and still don't sleep well-I'm doing well to get 4hrs I'm currently midway through 5nights and only managed 3hrs today Thankfully DH is also a shift worker so he gets it, when I started shifts though I stayed at home and my mum just refused to let me sleep She'd come home from work at lunchtime and wake me up then wondered why I was grumpy and didn't really want to chat. It was the main reason I moved out earlier than I'd planned.

You and only you get to decide how much sleep you need.

Savingshoes · 22/04/2020 19:14

You should be ensuring that you have at least 6 hours undisturbed sleep after every shift.
If you are woken up and have broken sleep, start again.
I would probably ring your DH on your break in the middle of the night... just a random chat each time. It will assist with reinforcing your right to have quality sleep and why.

Hillocrew · 22/04/2020 19:16

He's the teacher. Let him do the home schooling

Waveysnail · 22/04/2020 19:18

Nope. Couldn't cope with that I'd need at least 5 hours pref 6