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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Acceptable time to sleep after night shift.

145 replies

Deepmidwicket · 22/04/2020 17:37

I work 2 night shifts a week. After the first a go to bed for most of the day as I am between 2 Night shifts. I work between 12 and 14 hours shifts both nights

After the last night shift and since being in lockdown my husband seems to think I should go to bed at 10am when I get in and be up and ready for doing stuff at 12noon such as homeschooling and playing with our six yea told DS. He says because I am not at work that night I should power through.

I have done this for 2 weeks now, got up today to find they had got all the stuff out for baking and I was expected to happily join in.

My husband is a teaching and only working a day a week at the moment

Aibu to expect to be left a bit longer

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 22/04/2020 19:18

Nope to the nope. Ds works nights. He gets in at 7.30 ish. Has a drink, goes on a game or reads UNTIL 10. Then sleeps through, maybe waking at tea, sometimes not. Shower at about 8 then work at nine or ten. If I suggested he have two hours sleep he’d be unimpressed. Your dh is a selfish twat.

Bloke23 · 22/04/2020 19:20

I used to do 3 nights in a row, i would sleep when i got home, there was never a worry of me oversleeping so never used to set an alarm, i let my body wake itself up, but after the last night i would stay awake all day and try to get back into a nornal routine ready for my day shifts 3 days later, i was single then so didnt have to worry about kids, but i couldnt imagine dealing with kids after only 2 hours sleep

Original poster
Deepmidwicket · 22/04/2020 19:21

I have just come back up to bed. Started having seizures I am so tired. (Epileptic)
I love my job but am seriously thinking of going onto days. Even thought it won’t fit in half as well, I won’t get paid as much but at least though I will do my 12-14 hour shift and be able to come home and sleep at night

OP posts:
FaithInfinity · 22/04/2020 19:21

Yeah he’s being a dick. I’ve worked loads of nights in the last decade or so. I never enjoyed them but they’re part of the job. I only coped with them by having a strict routine. Nap before the first shift. When I got home, shower, light breakfast, decaf tea, watch TV until I was falling asleep about 10am. Then I’d sleep usually until DH got home at 5pm! I need a lot of sleep! I tried staying up all day after my last night, I got so clumsy I injured myself a couple of times! I used to sleep all day after my last shift, stay up til about 1am and then I would go to bed normal time the next night. That’s what worked for me. If DH had ‘suggested’ that I had only 2 hours sleep I’d tell him to sod off!

Elieza · 22/04/2020 19:25

That sucks OP. Sorry you’re not well. You’d probs my have been fine if you’d had enough sleep. Now you can tell him the outcome of his stupid idea to get you out of bed after two hours sleep.
I hope you get a good rest and feel back to your normal self soon Flowers

MostlyHappyMummy · 22/04/2020 19:32

Your only solutions seem to be to move to day shifts seems like the only solution
Even better if it results in your husband having to do more house work or childcare as a result

Clockworkprincess · 22/04/2020 19:34

Sorry he's well out of order! Dp does two night shifts on the run. Day of first shift he may have a nap in the afternoon, goes to work for ten and gets off at seven. He has an hour with is and goes up to bed between 9 and 10 and will get up at 3 - 4. Day after 2nd shift he will have 4 hours sleep as he doesn't want to leave me alone with ds4 for 2 days on the run. Have told him to sleep longer but he said he'd struggle to get back to normal

gingganggooleywotsit · 22/04/2020 19:35

blimey do you really need to ask op? He's blatantly being unreasonable. I would be a gibbering wreck on 2 hours sleep!

rookiemere · 22/04/2020 19:38

Once you've had some sleep then tell him the options:
Option one : you are allowed a minimum of 6 hours sleep after a night shift and he will not disturb you during it or
Option two: you go back to day shift with the resultant loss of income

Or another option, if night shifts are so cushty then he gets himself some night time hours at the supermarket who are keen to recruit at the minute and se how he feels being parent of the year and no sleep.

Chesterfuckingdrorrs · 22/04/2020 19:40

Your husband is an even bigger twat, lack of sleep is a known aggravator/trigger for epilepsy.

I'll repeat the only person that gets to dictate the amount of sleep you need at any time is you.
You and you husband need to sit down and have a serious chat about his attitude.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 22/04/2020 19:40

Omg what a shot at he is @Deepmidwicket.

Not only are you surviving on little sleep hes waking you, but your also epileptic and he still wakes you after a few hours. Hes Bang out of order and needs a talking too.

Sorry hes a prick op.

Yogamad38 · 22/04/2020 19:43

When I worked nights I used to sleep 0800-1200 on my sleep day when I'd finished my set of 3 night shifts and then go to bed at 10pm that night to get back into a pattern. I could not have managed on just 2 hours sleep.

Yogamad38 · 22/04/2020 19:46

After my first night I'd sleep 9am-3pm on the nights I was working. Working nights is hard x

Blackandgreenteas · 22/04/2020 19:47

Just read the rest of the thread (posted towards the beginning) and seen that you have epilepsy. He’s even more unreasonable! Presumably he knows his demands could result in seizures?

Presumably he also likes the additional income you make through doing nights? I’d have to make it very clear that you would be having eight hours rest at least (not necessarily sleep all that time, if that doesn’t work for you in switching back, but definitely off duty). If he disturbs you, you’ll have to either go on to days (resulting in lack of income - and I can’t imagine a TA working one day a week would earn as much as you do) or you’ll kick him to the curb!

Poppi89 · 22/04/2020 19:49

Why is he suggesting it? From a health perspective as he thinks it's good for your body clock or something or so you can look after the DCs?

Sleep is a basic human right and if he is saying it to be selfish I would leave him.
I am hoping he is saying it to 'help' you because I don't think i've heard anything so terrible before!

NurseButtercup · 22/04/2020 19:50

No he's not right - what he's suggesting is controlling and abusive.
You must be exhausted
Why are you going along with this?
Are you afraid to say no?

Tiredmum100 · 22/04/2020 19:52

When I've done nights in the past I would sleep all day (as much as you can) if I'm back in that night, on my last night I'd sleep for at least 4 hours probably 9 til 1 ish.

Blackandgreenteas · 22/04/2020 19:53

It reminds me of when I had dd as a baby and she had a heart problem, meaning that she didn’t sleep at all at night. I am not exaggerating that I was up the entire night.

Everyone seems to think that if I got a 2 hour nap during the day that would do me fine, and actually was plenty, loads, and wasn’t I lucky to get such a long “nap”.

That’s 2 hours total in 24 folks, who’s going to find that loads?

Bumblebee6789 · 22/04/2020 19:54

That’s completely unfair on you, It’s ridiculous to expect you to function on 3 hrs sleep. Why couldn’t he do the baking himself, I can’t think of the right word but it’s pressurising you to do things if he’s laying out the baking equipment out.

LakieLady · 22/04/2020 19:56

What a bastard!

I'm murderous when I haven't had enough sleep and can't function at all when my body clock is disrupted. I think anyone who can work nights is a hero.

I think you should sleep as long as you want after a night shift, and that your husband should remember that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in some brutal regimes.

AnotherMurkyDay · 22/04/2020 19:57

So you are awake all of day one, work the night shift, then get a day time sleep before another night, have a morning nap and are expected to be fun and functioning? So in 60 hours you would get about 10 hours sleep? Instead of the needed 20

Or did I get that wrong?

HotSauceCommittee · 22/04/2020 19:58

Read your husband the riot act. You need 8-9 hours sleep and relaxation. He is not pulling his weight. There is no debate. Do not tolerate this.

BeetrootRocks · 22/04/2020 19:59

What?

He expects you to function on 2 hours sleep?

What a bastard, why is he saying this, it's obvious bollocks, and more to the point why have you agreed to do it for the last 3 weeks???

Carrotgirl87 · 22/04/2020 20:00

Yeah the logic is right, night shifts for years as a reference, the last day I never had more than a couple hours to enable the turn around that night, some of my colleagues didn't even go to bed. HOWEVER, it's not for someone else to decide, it's down to personal preference and you should be able to sleep as long or short as you want to.

Nights are brutal, no wonder they take years off your life, and the stay awake last day thing is easy to say and hard to do, I used to be a write off, so you do you x

Blackandgreenteas · 22/04/2020 20:00

Get some really good earplugs and a lock for the bedroom door as a short term solution, if he won’t be told and you don’t fancy divorcing him during lockdown.