Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To not give DD money towards a holiday right now?

138 replies

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 16:56

21yo dd’s friend has suggested going on holiday together with another friend when all that’s going on at the moment has calmed down, I brushed it off thinking it was just a suggestion that won’t get acted on. It has now turned from a passing comment to an actual plan that the other 2 have spoken to their parents about!! They’re planning a week at DisneyLand for spring next year.

Her birthday is soon and if lockdown does end after these 3 weeks it’ll only be a couple of days after so we’ll be unlikely to do anything so she has asked me and her dad if instead of celebrating we can give her some money towards the holiday, her dad has agreed straight away. I on the other hand am not keen at all as I think right now booking holidays is the last thing anyone should be thinking about and honestly with all that’s going on it’s a bit tone deaf, so I’ve told her I need to think about it.

They seem to have looked into this quite well, DD is seemingly very clever with these things and knows when she comes to me to ask for something I’m more likely to say yes when can she can show she’s properly looked into something. They’ve all said they’re not even going to think about booking until a month or 2 after they can all get together again so they can properly look into it altogether and the earliest they’d be looking to go is late March next year.

AIBU to not give her any money towards this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 16:57

Didn’t mean to enable voting

Also, she can afford to do this whether or not I help her out, so I suppose whatever I choose she is still going to do it, I’m just on the fence about whether I think it’s appropriate or not with the current situation.

OP posts:

Ilovesausages · 22/04/2020 16:58

What’s the issue with it?

Sounds like she needs something to look forward to.

It also sounds like she isn’t rushing into booking anything which seems wise.

altiara · 22/04/2020 16:58

If you give her some money for her birthday, then surely she can spend it how she sees fit.

VanWinkle13 · 22/04/2020 16:59

I don't understand why you wouldn't

ScarfLadysBag · 22/04/2020 17:00

I don't understand what the problem is. I'm sure plenty of people are dreaming of holidays when this is all over and life goes back to something resembling normal.

user1493413286 · 22/04/2020 17:00

If I’ve understood right she’s not booking it for a while until they can kind of see how things go so I don’t really understand why you don’t want to give her the money.

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 17:01

If you give her some money for her birthday, then surely she can spend it how she sees fit.

She’s asked me to not actually give her the money but for it to be there when she needs it so she doesn’t end up spending it on other things, so if I give her money it will be going on the holiday.

OP posts:

nameymcnamechangeagain · 22/04/2020 17:02

I don’t understand why you’re not keen either...

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 17:02

I do want to give her the money, she’s had a hard time the last year and I want to see her out their enjoying her life actually doing something with her money rather than McDonalds I just didn’t know if right now it was a bit out of touch to be talking if expensive holidays while people are loosing their family.

OP posts:

LionessRoar · 22/04/2020 17:02

I would be inclined not to give the money for this as everything is so uncertain. Also there are several rumours that Disneyland Paris will not reopen at all (I have no idea whether this is true as nothing from official sources, but Disneyland Paris has struggled on and off in the past). I can understand your daughter wanting a holiday to look forward to at this time though, so it’s tricky

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/04/2020 17:03

She is 21. You either give her money for her birthday (whether it's kept aside by you or not is irrelevant) or you don't.

You really cannot dictate what the birthday money is spent on.

AristotleAteMyHamster · 22/04/2020 17:03

I’m not seeing the problem here. Why shouldn’t she be planning a holiday? And surely it’s better to give her something she wants rather than something she doesn’t.

THNG5 · 22/04/2020 17:03

I can't see your problem. She's old enough to know the pros and cons, she's not trying to book a holiday for next week and it looks like she's doing her research.
We can't just stop living or looking to the future because of the current situation. We'd all go mad or get seriously depressed!

Megan2018 · 22/04/2020 17:05

I genuinely don’t understand the issue here?
What on earth is wrong with having a holiday next year?

Caryler · 22/04/2020 17:06

Yeah i dont get your problem either, sorry. If you’d give her money anyway for it, she should spend it on what she wants?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/04/2020 17:06

Lioness, I hope that’s not true. Every time we have been it’s been full of people regardless of time of year.

I don’t see the issue with her looking forward to something, it’s what’s keeping many going.

HandfulofDust · 22/04/2020 17:06

I'd probably just give her money for her birthday and she can choose how she spends it. I would definitely ask her if she's planning on getting insurance.

TheMandalorian · 22/04/2020 17:07

So no one is allowed to plan ahead for something to look forward to. Should she just be sitting in her room weeping about the whole situation? Yabu.

Batqueen · 22/04/2020 17:07

I’m not sure exactly what you want from her.

If she doesn’t go on holiday for a longer time does that mean she is more sad that people have died?

It sounds like she is being very sensible. She will wait until it is safe and not book until things have stabilised. The holiday and tourism industry have taken a major hit from this so once things are back up and running we will need people to spend again to get the economy moving.

If you would prefer not to give her money towards it then that is up to you but I think you are unreasonable to tell her she is being tone deaf to consider booking a holiday when she is able to.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/04/2020 17:08

It has now turned from a passing comment to an actual plan that the other 2 have spoken to their parents about

Sorry, 21 year olds need their parents' permission to go on holiday? 😂

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 17:08

I posted for a bit of clarity and that’s what I’ve got!
I probably would have ended up giving the money anyway but I just wanted to hear other people’s opinions.

Also there are several rumours that Disneyland Paris will not reopen at all
Oh really? Do you mind linking me where you’ve read this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 17:09

I would definitely ask her if she's planning on getting insurance.

They are, one of her friends has past health issues that mean she can’t travel without insurance now.

OP posts:

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/04/2020 17:10

I think you're being a bit odd about this... She's an adult

marblesgoing · 22/04/2020 17:10

What is it with controlling parents on here today
Christ she's 21 op.
She could say she just wants money to save for her birthday as you say she can afford to go anyway so what's the difference.

I encourage my adult dc to travel obviously not right now but why not?
She's experiencing the world

Original poster

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 17:10

Sorry, 21 year olds need their parents' permission to go on holiday?

I assumed it was in the same way she spoke to me rather than asking for permission

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6