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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DD money towards a holiday right now?

138 replies

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 16:56

21yo dd’s friend has suggested going on holiday together with another friend when all that’s going on at the moment has calmed down, I brushed it off thinking it was just a suggestion that won’t get acted on. It has now turned from a passing comment to an actual plan that the other 2 have spoken to their parents about!! They’re planning a week at DisneyLand for spring next year.

Her birthday is soon and if lockdown does end after these 3 weeks it’ll only be a couple of days after so we’ll be unlikely to do anything so she has asked me and her dad if instead of celebrating we can give her some money towards the holiday, her dad has agreed straight away. I on the other hand am not keen at all as I think right now booking holidays is the last thing anyone should be thinking about and honestly with all that’s going on it’s a bit tone deaf, so I’ve told her I need to think about it.

They seem to have looked into this quite well, DD is seemingly very clever with these things and knows when she comes to me to ask for something I’m more likely to say yes when can she can show she’s properly looked into something. Hmm They’ve all said they’re not even going to think about booking until a month or 2 after they can all get together again so they can properly look into it altogether and the earliest they’d be looking to go is late March next year.

AIBU to not give her any money towards this?

OP posts:
bananaskinsnomnom · 22/04/2020 17:51

I think I would be happy that my daughter has something positive to focus on....and happy they’ve chosen Disneyland of all places, a much safer destination then many other places (having flashbacks to my girl holiday week in Spain with my friends at 21 and the texts from my dad checking I’m still alive and haven’t fallen from a balcony or fallen asleep drunk on the beach Blush) Ah memories.....

To be honest though I’m still a strong member of the deluded bunch who is still making plans and planning an itinerary for my holiday late October. Will I go? Doubtful. But it’s nice to have something to focus on.

Chances are, even if they wait a couple of months, they won’t have to pay the lot straight away. Is it possible for someone to book it on a credit card? They should book direct with Disney to be safest. While I know Disney must be suffering I can’t see them going completely down the pan.

Standrewsschool · 22/04/2020 18:00

“ I want to see her out their enjoying her life actually doing something with her money rather than McDonalds”

Having a holiday is living her life, and I think it would be great to have something to look forward to.

Regarding insurance, she should get her own insurance, even if her friend can’t.

otterturk · 22/04/2020 18:02

I don't get your point about it being 'tone deaf'. I would imagine many many people, us included, are planning holidays for as soon as we feasibly can next year.

emmathedilemma · 22/04/2020 18:02

I'm more concerned that she's 21 and wants to go to Disneyland!

artistformerlyknownas · 22/04/2020 18:07

She’s asked me to not actually give her the money but for it to be there when she needs it so she doesn’t end up spending it on other things

This ^ is weird. 🤣 But if you would have given her money for her birthday anyway, then it's up to her what she does with it.

DontStandSoClose · 22/04/2020 18:08

21 and speaking to parents to go on holiday 😂😂 really? My parents had zero input at 21, I lived 200 miles away at uni. I think you give her birthday money and leave her to it.

Devlesko · 22/04/2020 18:10

YANBU, I can't believe people think you should be paying for a holiday for a grown up. Shock
No wonder we have so many snowflakes, lol.

artistformerlyknownas · 22/04/2020 18:14

YANBU, I can't believe people think you should be paying for a holiday for a grown up.
No wonder we have so many snowflakes, lol.

She asked for money towards it for her birthday, not for OP to pay it all. Have you never been given money for a birthday? It's really pretty normal! And ugh 'snowflakes' is such a tired, overused term.

Catsick36 · 22/04/2020 18:23

Can't see what your problem with it is tbh.

Serin · 22/04/2020 18:24

We have just given DS some money fir his 18th birthday. He has bought computing stuff with it.
I'd have been happier if he had spent it on a holiday or towards a car but it was given to him as a gift and we didnt impose what he could spend it on.

Devlesko · 22/04/2020 18:31

artist
tired, overused, but fitting Grin

SpillTheTea · 22/04/2020 18:31

I think it's a good idea, she'll have something to look forward to.
@emmathedilemma Wow, judgemental much

Leaannb · 22/04/2020 18:33

@Lasagnainmyhair People lose their families every day. Even without the pandemic.

user1487194234 · 22/04/2020 18:33

She is an adult
If you are happy to give her money for her birthday then surely she can spend it as she wishes

Leaannb · 22/04/2020 18:34

@Devesko a small minetary gift for this birthday is NOT paying for a teip to Disneyland next year

lyralalala · 22/04/2020 18:35

@Devlesko What’s snowflake about putting birthday money toward a holiday?

I must tell MIL as she’s giving me birthday money next year toward a trip for my 40th

Leaannb · 22/04/2020 18:36

@Emmathedilema...Its very normal spring break trip for Univdrsity students

MrsNoah2020 · 22/04/2020 18:38

I find your idea that 'DD can't plan a holiday because other people are suffering' bizarre. You do realise that, even pre-Covid, millions of people were suffering? 5 million children under 5 die in the developing world each year of diseases that are easily preventable. Has that ever stopped you taking a holiday?

Your DD is 21 FFS. Why shouldn't she plan to enjoy herself in a year's time? It sounds as if she is dealing with lockdown in a very mature way, yet here you are, trying to piss on her chips.

YinMnBlue · 22/04/2020 18:41

Utterly ridiculous.

Everyone is talking about what they would like to do once this is, somehow, under control.

She is hardly going to go on Facebook posting 'haha , sorry all you bereaved people, I'm off to Disneyland!"

What do you want to do, buy her a hair shirt for her 21st Birthday?

She sounds sensible, and if Disneyland doesn't open, she and her friends will find some other lovely holiday to go on.

It is quite lovely that people want to spend tome together having good times rather than wanting 'stuff' as presents.

She sounds sensible, but if you want to issue any parental cats bumming, then just advise her to book using credit card and take out hol insurance the second they book.

SpaceCadet4000 · 22/04/2020 18:43

I'm so bemused by her, presumably 21-year-old friends, having spoken to their parents about their holiday plans.

Cash is a flexible gift which can go towards what she wants, and I think it's good to have something to look forward to right now.

bridgetreilly · 22/04/2020 18:44

It's perfectly fine, OP, and it sounds as though they are being sensible about the planning. You just let your daughter know on her birthday how much you're able to contribute and when the plans come together, give it to her. And if the plans don't work out, then you ask her if she'd either like the money anyway or some alternative gift. But for now, I think it's a really good way to celebrate her 21st by looking forward to something nice in the future.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/04/2020 18:44

What do you wan her 20s to be? Just a decade of "we can't have nice things because not everyone can?" That's always been the case. She can't sit at home and refuse to enjoy her life because thousands have died, surely it's all the more reason to enjoy life.

If you were taking about using it for a house deposit etc I could unbeatable more but this" we aren't allowed to be happy now " is silly

YinMnBlue · 22/04/2020 18:45

Devlesko ...you missed that she asked for her birthday present to be money towards the holiday?

Before you dismissed her as a snowflake?

Or is money towards a holiday more snowflakey as a request than, say, a request for a manicure set or a flamethrower as a gift?

Stellamboscha · 22/04/2020 18:51

Sounds like a good idea and something for her and her friends to look forward to. Have done the same thing with my own DC for birthdays this year.

Aragog · 22/04/2020 18:53

just didn’t know if right now it was a bit out of touch to be talking if expensive holidays while people are loosing their family.

My father in law died at the start of April amidst all this. CV19 wasn't the cause but it made the whole death and funeral much harder for the whole family.
My grandma is very ill in hospital. She's being tested for CV19 but there are other issues such an infection and pneumonia. No one can visit and it's pretty rubbish.

So yes, like at other times but in higher numbers people are loosing family.

BUT despite this we are still making plans for nice holidays in the future, discussion where we will go next year, debating if we might get away sometime this year, spending money on non essentials, etc.

Life does go on. People are allowed to be thinking about nice stuff. This lockdown and pandemic would be even worse if we weren't allowed to plan for better times!

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