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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DD money towards a holiday right now?

138 replies

Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 16:56

21yo dd’s friend has suggested going on holiday together with another friend when all that’s going on at the moment has calmed down, I brushed it off thinking it was just a suggestion that won’t get acted on. It has now turned from a passing comment to an actual plan that the other 2 have spoken to their parents about!! They’re planning a week at DisneyLand for spring next year.

Her birthday is soon and if lockdown does end after these 3 weeks it’ll only be a couple of days after so we’ll be unlikely to do anything so she has asked me and her dad if instead of celebrating we can give her some money towards the holiday, her dad has agreed straight away. I on the other hand am not keen at all as I think right now booking holidays is the last thing anyone should be thinking about and honestly with all that’s going on it’s a bit tone deaf, so I’ve told her I need to think about it.

They seem to have looked into this quite well, DD is seemingly very clever with these things and knows when she comes to me to ask for something I’m more likely to say yes when can she can show she’s properly looked into something. Hmm They’ve all said they’re not even going to think about booking until a month or 2 after they can all get together again so they can properly look into it altogether and the earliest they’d be looking to go is late March next year.

AIBU to not give her any money towards this?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 22/04/2020 18:56

Why on earth would be contemplating or planning a return to 'normalcy' be a bad thing? Vacation planning is helping to keep DH and I sane. Personally, I think it's very healthy for your DD to be making plans for the future. Should we just sit around in gloom and doom? We have enough 'lockdown' restrictions without also 'locking down' our sense of hope.

Not only am I planning our RV trip to Disney World next year, but I'll be booking and putting a deposit down on it the first day I can (likely early June). I'm also planning a trip to Disneyland (CA) this Fall although that's more a case of book a room, get in the car, and go.

Isitweekendyet · 22/04/2020 18:57

If anything has the whole pandemic no taught us that life is for living?

Of course, give her money toward the holiday! What do you think she should be doing instead? Sadly staring at the walls waiting for the ban to be lifted?

If planning and booking a holiday makes her quarantine a little easier why are you standing in the way?! What would you give her instead?

bluebeck · 22/04/2020 18:58

I don't get your point at all OP.

Also confused - are you talking about Disneyland California or Disneyland Paris?

Either way, lots to do aside from the parks in Paris or in California. Travel is a wonderful education. Why would you not want to contribute as part of her birthday???? Confused

LagunaBubbles · 22/04/2020 19:01

YANBU, I can't believe people think you should be paying for a holiday for a grown up. shock
No wonder we have so many snowflakes, lol

What a stupid post, you clearly haven't read a thing. No-one thinks she should be paying for a holiday for a grown up, it's about giving money as a birthday gift. Perfectly normal gift that goes on everywhere, and zero to do with snowflakes...

SharonasCorona · 22/04/2020 19:03

No I wouldn’t giver her the money, OP. We have no idea when the lockdown will end and when we will be able to fly again.

Also, it’s a bit presumptuous of her to expect that much money for her 22nd birthday, she’s an adult now! How much is expecting? If she’s expecting a contribution to a holiday to Disneyland then she’s expecting hundreds of pounds rather than tens of pounds.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/04/2020 19:07

All sounds a it controlling TBH. My mum was always like that, only gifting things she approves of even as an adult Hmm

footprintsintheslow · 22/04/2020 19:08

It's up to the op how much she gives. That's a totally irrelevant point here and op has already said the daughter has suggested an amount which op is happy with plus a little extra.

Op people are losing their families all the time. Awful things happen all over the world all the time. It feels different now it's on our doorstep. Surely this shows life is for living.

tara66 · 22/04/2020 19:09

First thought - she is too old for Disney Land. It's for children . (I've been to Florida one with my 2 DC).

Rhianna1980 · 22/04/2020 19:14

I would set the money aside for her.
There’s a huge uncertainty around not just the virus, but all the travel industry at the moment.

I will not put a penny into the travel industry even if it’s next year like many people are brushing it off as if it will be okay.

No one knows if any of these businesses are going to survive this economic crisis in the next 12 months plus. It’s a time of uncertainty and great economic turmoil. If anyone still thinks it’s okay to splash any amount of money on a holiday next year probably doesn’t need the money and is happy to gamble it away or is ignoring the facts and wants to see the world through a rose tinted glass.

jelly79 · 22/04/2020 19:15

Gift her money for her birthday.

Take an interest in what she spends it on.

Not your place to give permission.

Bit baffled by this

She sounds great by the way! What a way to cope with this shit storm by planning something positive with her friends

SleepingStandingUp · 22/04/2020 19:15

Also, it’s a bit presumptuous of her to expect that much money for her 22nd birthday, she’s an adult now! How much is expecting? op has said she'd actually giv more than daughter suggested, so it clearly is an unreasonable amount. Presumably if she normally gets £10 for her birthday and asked for £500 op would have mentioned that.

she is too old for Disney Land. if that were the case they'd only sell adult rickets with a child ticket, like lego land

Original poster
Lasagnainmyhair · 22/04/2020 19:16

Also, it’s a bit presumptuous of her to expect that much money for her 22nd birthday, she’s an adult now!

It’ll actually be her 21st. Sorry, I realise I said she was already 21. She’s not asking for any more than what I’d normally spend on a birthday, in fact slightly less than what I’d spend taking into account presents and a meal out.

I guess I was more worried about what people would think if she told them she was going on holiday, I got an earful the other day when I was happy that our fish and chip shop is opening again on Friday so could just imagine what people would say about a holiday.

For people saying I’m controlling, I’m not trying to stop her going on this holiday, I said she’s going to go regardless of my money.

As for her wanting me to keep the money til she needs it, I agree she’s old enough to look after her own money and most the time she does fine saving but there’s nothing wrong with asking for a bit of help is there. Hmm

OP posts:
winterchills · 22/04/2020 19:19

I don't understand what the problem is either!

Bringringbring12 · 22/04/2020 19:24

appropriate

It smacks of hyacinth bucket to be honest OP.

She’s going to do it with or without you. So purse your lips or embrace your 21 year old daughter demonstrating positivity and wanting to have fun.

Personally I’d be disturbed if my daughter was telling her two friends that she thought what they were planning was inappropriate and to count her out

Bringringbring12 · 22/04/2020 19:25

* I guess I was more worried about what people would think if she told them she was going on holiday,*

Ok you need to get out of this frame of mind. And sharpish before you rub off on your daughter .

Whenwillthisbeover · 22/04/2020 19:27

Fine by me too, I’ve booked skiing next January. Deposit wasn’t much, I’m insured and I’ll take the risk.

ANoiseAnnoys · 22/04/2020 19:28

Just give her the money. They definitely won’t be going this year anyway but for you to not give it her for weird moralistic reasons is just daft.

My ds is 21 soon and I’m giving him money. I don’t really mind what he spends it on but I think a holiday when all this is over would be a good choice.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 22/04/2020 19:35

I was reading this and expecting you to say that she was 15 or 16, not 21!

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 22/04/2020 19:36

Posted too soon.

I mean, I read the 21 at the start but my brain kind of blanked it when the rest read like a much younger child... I think I told my parents where I was going and who I was going with if I knew at that age and that was about it.

User721 · 22/04/2020 19:37

New travel insurance policies will not cover you for corona virus as it is now a known risk. I am wary about booking a holiday next year for this reason.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/04/2020 19:39

First thought - she is too old for Disney Land. It's for children . (I've been to Florida one with my 2 DC).

@tara66 May I quote Walt Disney?

"To all who come to this happy place; welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past…and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams and the hard facts that have created America…with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world."

Walt never considered DL to be 'only for children'. Other than for 'children' of ALL ages.

LagunaBubbles · 22/04/2020 19:41

First thought - she is too old for Disney Land. It's for children . (I've been to Florida one with my 2 DC)

Oh right, can you send me the link to that on their page please? Hmm

Highonpotandused · 22/04/2020 19:43

"To all who come to this happy place; welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past…and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams and the hard facts that have created America…with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world."

I certainly don’t think DisneyLand is just for kids but am I alone think it’s grossly overrated? I didn’t feel any magic at all.

MintyMabel · 22/04/2020 19:49

it was a bit out of touch to be talking if expensive holidays while people are loosing their family

People are always losing family. If we took the view that we can’t do things because other people are suffering, nobody would go anywhere, or spend any money and the economy would remain in the toilet.

Planning to spend money when this is all over is one of the best thing people can do to help recovery.

Aragog · 22/04/2020 19:55

First thought - she is too old for Disney Land. It's for children . (I've been to Florida one with my 2 DC)

Yeah, that's not true! If you've ever been to Disney you'll have seen tons if adults enjoying it, often without their children in tow.

I've been a dozen or more times to the ones in Florida, Paris, California and Japan dd was 18 months the first time and 17 the last time. We should have been going to the ones in Hong Kong and Shanghai this summer but that's now off the cards. We will return. Dd is 18 and loves it!

I am much older and I love the rides, the shows and the fireworks.

Nothing wrong with a Disney trip every so often for an adult.