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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD isn’t earning enough to live alone in London?

411 replies

Sunnydaysp · 22/04/2020 08:59

DD is 27 and earns £65k a year. She currently has a long commute in to London for work each day but following her recent divorce and sale of their home, she wants to move to London for a fresh start. She has no DC, so is looking at one bed flats which appear to be around £1,500-£2,000 a month in rent, not to mention all of the bills on top too. I appreciate that DD earns a very good wage for her age, however, I’m concerned that she will be stretching herself too far by attempting to live alone and paying an extortionate amount in rent rather than house sharing, which seems to be the norm for most young professionals. She seems to think she can easily afford it, but DD has never lived alone and doesn’t really seem to appreciate the cost of living, as ex husband always managed the household outgoings etc. AIBU in thinking that DD will be stretched in attempting to live alone on her salary in London with the rental amounts described?

OP posts:
kingkuta · 22/04/2020 20:11

The best you can do for her us not let your obvious negativity affect her life choices. Sounds like she will be absolutely fine, there's no need for you to sow any seeds of doubt. Shes 27 FFS let her live her life

motherheroic · 22/04/2020 20:40

@Verily1 I'm pretty sure the poster meant flexibility as in being able to up and leave iatshort notice. That's not always due to financial difficulties, you could just want a change of scene or move for a job.

Momrose12 · 22/04/2020 20:41

Bromley - 20 mins to Victoria. Lovely area. She can get a 1 bed easily for around £1000. Orpington, bickley, hayes, West Wickham - all nice. We lived in Beckenham for years. It’s lovely there.

peperethecat · 22/04/2020 21:05

I think it's really odd that there have now be 16 pages of debate about where a grown adult who hasn't asked for any of our advice should live, and what her priorities should be.

TheLette · 22/04/2020 22:40

Pretty sure I was in a similar situation at that age, perhaps a few years older, although I owned my flat. It is affordable on that salary, even if she is going out a lot too. In zone 1 or anywhere else fashionable in London, you'd probably not get much change from £1k / month for a decent, spacious room in a flatshare, and finding one can involve a lot of competition. I ended up renting a 2 bed flat and finding someone to share with me so I could pick the person rather than the one way around - if your daughter finds a nice flat, it should be easy to get someone to share with her, and estate agents may help facilitate viewings before the tenancy begins.

TheLette · 22/04/2020 22:42

Oh - and if she really wants to live alone but needs to do a flatshare to save money, she should try to live with a trainee / junior lawyer or banker. My flatmate was a junior lawyer at a big firm and worked til 2am most nights and weekends so never saw him - worked well for me, less so for him!

Kisskiss · 22/04/2020 22:50

I think she’s old enough to do her own budgeting...

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 22/04/2020 22:54

She can afford it. Say £1300 in rent £600 household bills £400 food that leaves £1700 (these are me just guessing)

Mummyshark2019 · 22/04/2020 22:55

She will be fine. Would be better of she could buy rather than rent, but that salary is fine to manage.

TheGinGenie · 22/04/2020 23:21

I used to pay £1600 for a 2 bed flat in a very nice part of London, she can definitely get a one bed for under £2k. I earned £32k and shared the flat with one other, £65k would be fine I think

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/04/2020 23:25

OP of course she can afford it on her salary and at 27 and a divorcee she certainly deserves to be able to make her own housing choices including where to live, whether to live alone or in a house share.

I am sure you are trying to look out for her but please do so from a supportive distance.

Lynda07 · 22/04/2020 23:28

Momrose12 Wed 22-Apr-20 20:41:53
Bromley - 20 mins to Victoria. Lovely area. She can get a 1 bed easily for around £1000. Orpington, bickley, hayes, West Wickham - all nice. We lived in Beckenham for years. It’s lovely there.
.......
I quite agree, that's roughly my area. Parts of Sidcup are very nice too and even cheaper.

Deelish75 · 22/04/2020 23:43

Has your DD actually asked you if you think she can afford living in London?
Or did she mention she wants to live closer to work in London on her own?
You remind me of my mum, anything that I wanted to do she would try to have input into it but NOT actually listen to what it was I wanted. The more independent I became the more she tried to push. It got to the point where I couldn't even load my own dishwasher without her trying to get me to rearrange it because she knew best. Our relationship became very strained and I am now non contact (there were various reasons but this behaviour was part of it) I am not saying this will happen with you but it could if your DD wants to find her own way and you try force what you think on her. If your DD is asking what you think, do you not think you should be encouringing her to work it out for herself and develop independence?

BacklashStarts · 23/04/2020 10:38

It’s so annoying when the OP posts and then basically ghosts the thread.

Extracurricularfatigue · 23/04/2020 10:45

Bromley - 20 mins to Victoria. Lovely area. She can get a 1 bed easily for around £1000. Orpington, bickley, hayes, West Wickham - all nice. We lived in Beckenham for years. It’s lovely there.

Very much NOT East London, and the sort of advice she would be totally right to ignore if that's the type of area she wants.

Cloudyapples · 23/04/2020 10:52

North Londoner here - rent and bills for a two bed flat comes to about £2kish so I think she’ll be absolutely fine especially if she goes for a one bed or studio. House shares can be v hit and miss so if she can afford to live on her own I think she should go for it!

WhyCantIthinkOfAgoodOne · 23/04/2020 11:49

Bromley - 20 mins to Victoria. Lovely area. She can get a 1 bed easily for around £1000. Orpington, bickley, hayes, West Wickham - all nice. We lived in Beckenham for years. It’s lovely there.

I know those areas well and wouldn't want to live there if I was a 27 year old who had just got divorced. All this advice about areas is pointless she may well have a close group of friends and she'll want to live close by to them not in some god forsaken suburb.

Northernwarrior · 23/04/2020 11:56

What an odd post. Dd is a high earner so very successful why does she need your input. Either you are very overbearing or you are just boasting.

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 23/04/2020 14:00

Well, this thread and its responses have totally illuminated me about my relationship with my mum - she'd have absolutely have done something like post online and then ring me up telling me what people had said. She likes to ask how much I'm earning as well, as well as how much all my bills are. I thought that was normal. Clearly not! Blush

Thisismytimetoshine · 23/04/2020 14:06

No, it's really not.

alwayshappy93 · 23/04/2020 14:08

Tbh zone 3-4 she can get a 1 bed flat for around £1000 (a nice one)

Come to zone 5. On Piccadilly line and you can get a 1 bed flat for 859

Jillyhilly · 23/04/2020 14:16

Blimey. 27 and making £65K? She’s clearly doing well and is an established professional.

That means figure it out for herself OP - which includes making mistakes. I’d have been incredibly irritated if my mum had attempted to give me this kind of advice at her age.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/04/2020 14:20

Come to zone 5. On Piccadilly line and you can get a 1 bed flat for 859

Grin WHY are people still posting shit like this?! What single 27 year old on good money who wants to live in east London would choose to live in the suburbs of zone 5 instead?!

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 23/04/2020 14:24

@Thisismytimetoshine I feel like I need a whole new Mumsnet forum called "Is this normal"? Blush

lyralalala · 23/04/2020 14:40

@ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo The main thing is - are you happy with your relationship with your mother?

If you are then it doesn’t matter what other people think. If you’re not then MN is a good place to get advice to start changing the relationship, as long we you can wade through the ones suggesting any more than bi-annual contact is OTT.

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