To think DD isn’t earning enough to live alone in London?

[Sunnydaysp]

DD is 27 and earns £65k a year. She currently has a long commute in to London for work each day but following her recent divorce and sale of their home, she wants to move to London for a fresh start. She has no DC, so is looking at one bed flats which appear to be around £1,500-£2,000 a month in rent, not to mention all of the bills on top too. I appreciate that DD earns a very good wage for her age, however, I’m concerned that she will be stretching herself too far by attempting to live alone and paying an extortionate amount in rent rather than house sharing, which seems to be the norm for most young professionals. She seems to think she can easily afford it, but DD has never lived alone and doesn’t really seem to appreciate the cost of living, as ex husband always managed the household outgoings etc. AIBU in thinking that DD will be stretched in attempting to live alone on her salary in London with the rental amounts described?

@StCharlotte

Wow - dare I say south of the river?

Blackheath. Greenwich?

It's going to be difficult to move down anytime soon. Could she perhaps stay with you and save up a few grand? Combine that with whatever she got for the sale of the house and she could put down a sizeable deposit for a flat of her own? Makes more sense than wasting all that money by renting.

OP, what does she do out of interest?

I’m concerned that she will be stretching herself too far by attempting to live alone
OP - i think you're far too 'invested' than is healthy.
Your DD is an almost 30 year old woman, divorced, has a career and life of her own.
How insulting to be viewed as not being mature enough to know what kind of living arrangements you prefer and can manage - as an adult!
Everybody should know/learn to be able to live alone, it builds character and teaches you Independence and resilience.

Your 'concern' actually comes across as suffocating and infantilising.

paying an extortionate amount in rent rather than house sharing which seems to be the norm for most young professionals
'Norm' is subjective.
Why do you insist on putting labels on your DD and persuading her to 'fit' into those boxes?
I'm guessing she was 'persuaded' to buy a large 'beautiful' house too that she didn't need?

She seems to think she can easily afford it, but DD has never lived alone and doesn’t really seem to appreciate the cost of living, as ex husband always managed the household outgoings etc
This is so patronising and insulting!
So she ended up with a guy who mirrored her mother?
It doesn't sound like either you or her ex like DD having a mind of her own and the confidence to do what feels right to her.........and enjoying being an adult in control of her own life is actually normal, healthy behaviour......

I’m simply concerned that the astronomical rental prices of living alone may leave her shorter than is ‘comfortable’ each month, regardless of her age
'Comfortable' for her? Or YOUR idea of what 'comfortable' should be?
We all make sacrifices/compromises to manage our choices in life and that's all she's doing - if she'd rather spend more on rent to enjoy having her own space for the first time in her life then why shouldn't she?
Imagine, having the whole place to yourself, doing what you want when you want, learning to manage your own practicalities and mental load....FREEDOM!!!!!!

Stop trying to keep her chained and dependent on others - let her be free!

@Asimovsfutureishere2020 she works in IT

She seems to think she can easily afford it, but DD has never lived alone and doesn’t really seem to appreciate the cost of living, as ex husband always managed the household outgoings etc

Well she'll learn! Just like I and millions of others did when we left home and moved to London. It's not that hard actually.

Leave her to it.

She seems to think she can easily afford it, but DD has never lived alone and doesn’t really seem to appreciate the cost of living, as ex husband always managed the household outgoings etc

In that case, since she is now 27, it’s well overdue for her to learn this.

Even if she only does it for a year or so, its low risk given her salary. I'd be doing it in a heartbeat!

I’m simply concerned that the astronomical rental prices of living alone may leave her shorter than is ‘comfortable’ each month, regardless of her age

Really, this is not your concern. Your daughter will live and learn.

@Nanny0gg, I think you're misreading scardot calling the DD 'super young'. She isn't infantilising her or saying she isn't old enough to live alone or have DC if she wants; she's saying that she still has years of flexibility and possibility in front of her and there's no need for her to tie herself down to a mortgage or a suburban area she isn't interested in.

27 is on the young side to have DC by the standards of most professionals these days, especially in London. That doesn't make it wrong, but the DD doesn't have to start acting as though she already has DC when she doesn't, and may never want to.

It's the norm for a lot of young professionals to share because they can't afford to live alone, because they don't earn such a high wage - even in London, £65k is above average. Some will do it by choice, because they want to, don't mind sharing and want to, to maximise spare money for fun stuff or house deposit, but some will simply be doing it because they have to.

You say your DD 'doesn't appreciate the cost of living' but the only way that she will be anything but very comfortable on that income is that if she expects a millionaire type lifestyle with high end dining out, shopping and holidays as a matter of routine, such that she's buying designer clothes and accessories every week, going on several luxury holidays a year or wanting to eat at a Michelin starred restaurant all the time, but none of that is the norm for anyone except the super rich so unless her ex was a premiership footballer or dot.com millionaire or similar, she's unlikely to have these sorts of lifestyle expectations.

Let her get on with it. 20s is a great age to be living in London. She'll probably get fed up with the high rents and leave London after a few years but she'll have a blast when she's there.

If the reason she can't do simple calculations about cost of living is because her overbearing ex husband did it all for her the best solution is probably not to have her overbearing mother do it for her.

If she's discussing it with you a normal reaction would be "wow that sounds like a lot of rent for one person but it's your choice". She's obviously managed to find herself a decent career so she can't be completely daft.

Gosh, I rented my own studio flat in London when I was 22 and on £18k (nearly 20 years ago now, but even in 2001 that was a low salary for London).

The flat was a bit of a shithole and I had to be super careful with the rest of my spending, but my lovely parents recognised that it was my decision and resisted the temptation to tell me what I should do. I am v grateful to them in retrospect!

can't do simple calculations about cost of living is because her overbearing ex husband did it all for her

Earns 65k pa working in IT. Makes the above statement a tad hard to believe...

I feel that OP is mourning the loss of her married-off daughter set up in her “beautiful marital home” about to pop out a grandchild or two and is clutching at financial straws to stop it all unravelling completely.

Nrft but my first though was ‘this must be a joke’???

What is the point in the work required for a job with that salary if you can’t even afford to buy a starter flat within commuting distance of work??

@ ArgumentativeAardvaark

Exactly I think the DD is more than capable of doing these calculations, OP is treating her like a baby.

I always hate these treads that bash people who spend a lot on rent in London - always so judgemental.

To live in a nice area of London, I'm not saying zone 1 in Chelsea but somewhere you want to live where you can make a nice life for yourself... These are expensive. I rent with DP and a toddler and our rent is £2k a month for a decent size two bed. This is our choice because we prioritise living near good schools so we are in the catchment for our toddler in a few years, somewhere safe, green, community based and a nice apartment. On the flip side I earned more than my parents combined by the time I was 25. The earning potential is a lot higher here.

If your daughter finds she is tight on money she can move out and get something cheaper or move in with some housemates. Lots of people live comfortably on the wage you outlined. And if she is earning that at 27 it sounds like a good industry and one where she will continue to see pay rises.

That's plenty

if she is earning that at 27 it sounds like a good industry and one where she will continue to see pay rises

And IT is absolutely rock-solid at the moment, needed more than ever! She will be raking it in.

What is the point in the work required for a job with that salary if you can’t even afford to buy a starter flat within commuting distance of work??

What a very strange comment. YOu think the only point of working is owning property? Seriously?

The point of the work is being able to live where she decides with no one if she chooses to and have money left over to socialise or buy clothes or travel or save or do whatever else she might choose to do with it. Not everyone wants to be saddled with a large investment and a property to maintain at 27. In two years time she may want to move in with her boyfriend or move to a different country or city and she might not want to have to either sell a property or have the bother of renting it out. You have to throw alot of money away buying a flat (stamp duty, solicitor's fees, estate agent's fees, mortgage interest, fixing leaks etc), unless you're going to stay there years it can be cheaper just to rent and you might get to live somewhere you couldn't afford to buy.

I am younger than your daughter, earn less by more than 10k, work in London and live alone. I have chosen to move slightly out and commute in but I pay the excess on my commute so I'm not saving money - just choosing to live in lovely countryside instead!

She will be absolutely fine and if she's not, she won't save for a bit and then she might decide to give notice and move into a houseshare. So what? It's entirely her choice!

My parents almost definitely think I would be sensible to share - my ex DEFINITELY did and disparaged me for wanting to live alone. So what - it's my money and my life. As it's her money and her life. Leave her to make her own choices and support her.

Your dd should go for it. She is approaching her 30s so should be more than capable of fending for herself and if she wants to live on her own for a while then why not? London is expensive, so she will feel the pinch I’m afraid but it’ll also be good experience of how to budget. Presumably she is looking at working her way up the career ladder so in the future she could take the next step of buying her own place. Good luck to her!

It sounds a bit like a general disapproval of her recent lifestyle choices, getting divorced and giving up her "beautiful marital home" etc. This is about her doing what she wants for a bit, not anyone else's expectations of her life trajectory. 27 is young to be married these days anyway. Who would want to live in a house share after divorcing?! She can afford this. Let her live her life.

Thanks