To think DH cheated? Positive sti results

[turmoil123]

This will be a long one. Don't want to drip feed.

Basically, been married for 5 years, together for 9.

We have a 2yo DS

We have a happy marriage, never ever had reason to doubt his fidelity.

After suffering from bad abdominal pains and unusual discharge for a week, I went to the doctors and had swabs taken. I was put on two different antibiotics until results came back (he did mention chlamydia amongst other possibilities but I didn't think much of it at the time) which they did today. Nurse has told me I have chlamydia.

So, I had a full sti screening not long before I met DH and the only positive result I got was HSV1 which I knew about.

DH has never had a sti check nor has he had any symptoms of chlamydia.

They can't test him just now because sti screening has been suspended due to covid - 19. They have prescribed him antibiotics though and we will both need checked again when testing resumes.

I wasn't checked for chlamydia during my pregnancy, as they don't routinely do it here. The nurse checked my records.

Obviously, I spoke to DH about it. He swears blind he hasn't cheated.

The nurse told me it can lie dormant for many years, but likely would have caused complications with my fertility or pregnancy which obviously it didn't.

Is it even possible he's had it all this time and I've only just caught it from him?

I think I know the answer. But where do I go from here, when he's so adamant he's never cheated on me.

My head is all over the place, I can't even go to a friend or family right now 😔

I can’t believe someone suggested you can catch it from touching a public toilet! As if that myth hasn’t died out... You can literally only catch chlamydia from unprotected sex with an infected person.

OP, I suggest asking for a telephone GP appointment. Ask a qualified doctor whether it can lie dormant for over a decade, I don’t personally believe it can. It isn’t like herpes or even HPV. Most people have no symptoms but some do and the ones who do usually get symptoms 1-3 weeks after contracting it.

By that I mean that of course it’s possible to unknowingly have it for years because it doesn’t always cause symptoms but if you do get symptoms, they usually occur 1-3 weeks after contracting it.

Really sorry OP, nothing scientific to add I'm afraid but I do agree that you should trust your gut instinct - you might never get the answer but if you love him and trust him, you have every reason to unless proves otherwise xx

Hi OP

I'm not a medical expert. But I think he may have cheated, sorry. When people are saying it can lie dormant for many years I think they are confusing it with herpes which can lie dormant and then come out and when it does it can be more or less contagious.

I think what people mean is that in a high proportion of people especially men, there are no symptoms, but they are still contagious and they can pass it on so it isnt 'dormant'.

I think the question you need to ask a health professional is, is it possible for you to have had it for years with no symptoms and then suddenly develop symptoms like discharge. I would guess that was fairly unlikely unless you have had a change in medical state eg you are pregnant. I think you need to check this and hope you can find out an answer, but it is probably going to be something along the lines of 'it is unusual but possible' meaning it's just as likely he cheated as didnt. From what I understand, it is pretty contagious especially from men to women so it is very unlikely that he had it for years and you had unprotected sex for years but you've only just caught it. Also tell the health professional that you had a baby to double check it's not routinely tested for without you knowing etc.

So either you've both had it for years and for some reason it's only just showing symptoms now or he has got it recently and passed it on recently.

I think two things would worry me though - the fact he has lied about something which sounds significant to you in the past, and the fact that he hasn't asked you if you've cheated. As if most peoples partner said they'd got an STI then most people that hadn't cheated would assume the other one had.

You could always be sneaky if you suspect he may be lying...tell him you called the doctor and they said you were tested in pregnancy and that they said you must have caught it recently and that he needs to tell you everything. Obviously this might backfire so probably don't listen to this bit! But it does sound as though you don't really believe him and that it could be difficult to get the truth out of him

Hang on one of your updates says you had a test a year before you got pregnant? So 3 or 4 years ago and you've been together 9 years? If that's the case then yes he has cheated, definitely. There is no way he had it before you met, didnt infect you when having unprotected sex for 4 or 5 years before your baby, then you randomly recently caught it from him. Unless you only had unprotected sex literally once to get pregnant.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie the test I had was 9 years ago, so yes before I fell pregnant. A long time before I fell pregant!

Thank you everyone for your input. It has actually helped hearing others stories and opinions.

Had a massive heart to heart with him tonight. My gut is telling me he didn't cheat. I guess I will genuinely never know. We have both agreed to get a full sti check ASAP.

My relationship with him, and our family unit, is my priority just now. Maybe this will backfire on me in the dirtier, but I can see no benefit or putting it all at risk just now for something I will never 100% be sure of.

@SirGawain yeah I know but this is not from a toilet seat. It was male restrooms, handle/door/tap/flush to body transition.

I think you should be wary having sex until you've got the all clear. You might reinfect each other. There are kits you can buy online to test for Chlamydia if I were you I'd be ordering a few of those kits.

I don't believe the dormant theory, particularly for the length of time you are talking and really think you need some professional medical advice on that, is there anything online you can access?

@ZooKeeper19 what don't you understand by you can't catch it from toilet handles, seriously where are you hearing this crap?

@ZooKeeper19 link to NHS information

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/

The only way those men were getting Chlamydia was if they were shagging in those toilets.

@ZooKeeper19 if it was that easily transmitted then it wouldn’t be known as an ‘STD’ and anyone would be able to get it and need testing regardless of whether they’d had sex or not :/

@ZooKeeper19

Come on, are you having a laugh?

OP I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, total nightmare.

This must be horrible, I would have thought though if he had it before your relationship it surely would have raised symptoms in you earlier?

Many years ago this situation happened with me and my boyfriend.
We had been together 4 years anf suddenly he started getting symptoms out of the blue.
He presumed I had cheated, it was awful because I hadn't (I was away at university so I was the prime suspect).

So my point is, it might have been laying dormant and only now you have started to develop symptoms. I hope this is the case for you too.

Fettle are still doing testing (they're the pay for arm of SH24) so you could pay for a test for him if you both want to do one now.

I've had a false negative test for chlamdiya in the past. Myself and my DP at the time had both got tested and only his was postive, we had already been sleeping together for 3 months prior to testing so I know I would of had it. Try not to think the worst OP, only you know your partner well enough.

My ex gave me chlamydia when he was cheating. I had abdominal symptoms similar to yours within a few weeks of him infecting me. Even though I had only had it a few weeks it also affected my fertility.

I would think the chances he had it years without you realising are very very unlikely. The more likely explanation is that he contracted it recently and passed it to you soon after, hence your symptoms.

I can't speak for chlamydia but I developed genital warts when I was still a virgin. As in no sexual contact of any kind with anyone. I was told that it can't have been passed on by any other means but in my case it was simply not true.

Quick google search and you'll find a lot of information saying it can lay dormant without symptoms for up to twenty years.