To think DH cheated? Positive sti results

[turmoil123]

This will be a long one. Don't want to drip feed.

Basically, been married for 5 years, together for 9.

We have a 2yo DS

We have a happy marriage, never ever had reason to doubt his fidelity.

After suffering from bad abdominal pains and unusual discharge for a week, I went to the doctors and had swabs taken. I was put on two different antibiotics until results came back (he did mention chlamydia amongst other possibilities but I didn't think much of it at the time) which they did today. Nurse has told me I have chlamydia.

So, I had a full sti screening not long before I met DH and the only positive result I got was HSV1 which I knew about.

DH has never had a sti check nor has he had any symptoms of chlamydia.

They can't test him just now because sti screening has been suspended due to covid - 19. They have prescribed him antibiotics though and we will both need checked again when testing resumes.

I wasn't checked for chlamydia during my pregnancy, as they don't routinely do it here. The nurse checked my records.

Obviously, I spoke to DH about it. He swears blind he hasn't cheated.

The nurse told me it can lie dormant for many years, but likely would have caused complications with my fertility or pregnancy which obviously it didn't.

Is it even possible he's had it all this time and I've only just caught it from him?

I think I know the answer. But where do I go from here, when he's so adamant he's never cheated on me.

My head is all over the place, I can't even go to a friend or family right now 😔

Had* any problems...

Stupid phone!

@browzingss I honestly don't know enough about chlamydia. If he had it before he met me, would he have 100% passed it on to me as soon as we started to have unprotected sex, is it something that can be passed on at any time?

I don't know. Thinking of phoning a sexual health helpline. Don't have any centres near me.

Weird that he didnt question you about how you could have it, did you cheat etc. Just automatically agreed it came from him.

I was going to say... can't chlamydia be passed onto newborn babies and they get sore eyes from it?

@recycledbottle I Ker ally wouldn't be able to cheat even if I wanted to. We work at the same place, I come straight home and make dinner. I don't go out in the evenings although occasionally meet a friend for a coffee or glass of wine.

But yea he hasn't even mentioned it at all, I would feel so shit he IS the very small minority who carries it for years without displaying symptoms and has passed it on to me who also haven't displayed symptoms until now 🤷🏼‍♀️. I suppose it's unlikely but not impossible?

Thinking of phoning a sexual health helpline

They will just probably tell you that it can remain dormant for weeks, months and possibly years

Just get him to make sure he is properly tested and cleared and that you are ok and it has cleared. That is the most important thing, as it said above, it can sometimes lead on to Pelvic Inflamatory Disease.

The truth will probably out.

@Melroses it did lead to PID which is how I ended up at the doctors 😰

Also, I was told they are not doing chlamydia tests just now due to the labs testing for covid instead. I was told we would both be tested when this is all over but they are treating him with antibiotics anyway

No more sex until he proves he is clear. (don't just believe him if he says I'm clear ........
Then he needs to get treatment.
Tell him your child could have been blind. He has bought this to your door.

It’s a very common STI, passed on during unprotected sex/certain sexual contact so it would have happened sooner rather than later - especially within a 9 year period.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/

I would say it’s unlikely that he has had chlamydia for 9 years but only transmitted it to you recently, considering it’s fairly contagious.

I would say it’s also unlikely that you have had it “dormant” for 9 years, because if you remain infected for a long time you have an increased risk of complications.

It is possible to lie dormant etc, after I had an ectopic pregnancy I was told scarring from chlamydia had caused a lot of damage (15 years worth of damage they said 😮) to my insides - at this point is been with DH for 10 years and I’d only got symptoms about 6 weeks prior to the ectopic and neither myself or DH had cheated.

I was found to have chlamydia many years after I'd have been infected. I've subsequently had 3 kids with no problems and short conception times. It doesn't always murder your fertility.

Hi,

I feel for you at this time, and want to share my very similar story. I was pregnant a few years back and had been with my partner many years by then. I thought I had thrush and went to the GUM clinic so i could get some appropriate cream. It came back saying chlamydia. I RAGED at my partner, completely reasonably. He swore he hadn't cheated. Went to get his own STI test the next day, told me not to take the antibiotics they gave because he didn't want to take them due to the pregnancy. We both had tests when we first got together and I've had them every now and again since just because it's my body and I want to know I'm ok, whether I'm in a relationship or not. That's just my attitude.

Now, do I think this man might cheat on me. Yep. And I know people say 'oh my partner couldn't, he doesn't have the time, he works all day is by my side all the time', but 99% our partners are NOT with us 99% of the time. I remember my mum telling me about her friend who found out her husband who nipped in to have sex with the woman who lived above the corner shop when he went to get milk in the mornings - literally a 15 minute thing! So, it can happen. Needless to say I've never been hugely trusting!! Saying that, this man loves his kids more than life itself, so I would be surprised if he exposed me to an STI while pregnant.

Aside over, he came back negative. So then he says to me 'so, I'm asking YOU the question now'. I respond that I'd never cheated - hadn't. So, I haven't taken the antibiotics yet. I know that if i have It he HAS given it to me, and for the wellbeing of the baby I should take it BUT if there has been some sort of mistake, I definitely should NOT take the medication also because of risks to the baby. I also wonder, of course, whether he knew he had it earlier than me and got treated. I'm so suspicious.

So, we agree that I take the test again. This time I go to another clinic (several in my borough, i just checked they used a different lab). Came back negative. So now I have a positive and a negative for chlamydia, my partner has one negative. So I check again. Another clinic, another lab. Negative again.

Never took those pills. Assumed the positive was false. Took the usual for thrush, all my symptoms went away.

But that nearly completely screwed up my relationship and left me a single parent of one with a baby on the way. And I was ready to leave.

This might not be OPs situation, but anyone reading this, get checked again if your relationship is hanging in the balance and a lot of people have a stake in it.

I still wonder, but i'm always on alert!

So tough without knowing more about how Chlamydia behaves and that one nurse wasn’t necessarily correct, I’d want to speak to somebody else about all the possibilities. Was there no way of knowing how long you’d been infected?

Were you both tested at the start? If you haven't had an STI test during your whole relationship it's possible either of you could have brought it into the relationship and simply not shown symptoms. It can also take a while to pass it on. It's a lot more 'contagious' than other infections but not guaranteed to be passed immediately.

OP please please get some proper, medical, advice about this. It is really obvious that many of the posters here are not responding from an informed position but from a reactive one. You are talking about, potentially, blowing up your relationship. You need facts not conjecture

Have you had chlamydia before in the past???

Chlamydia can absolutely lie dormant for years - in both men and women.

MOST people don't show symptoms.

It CAN interfere with fertility but it's not a given at all.

IF you are going to show symptoms, it's usually in the first couple of weeks of infection.

So.

I would say that you judge your marriage based on your relationship and not this diagnoses which is not evidence of anything.

Lots of misinformation on here. You can have Chlamydia for years wiht no symtoms, or always be asymptomatic but it will always show in a test. So you didnt have it when you were tested. He may have had it from before your relationship though.

Realistically you'll probably never know 100%. You'll have to use your judgement about the cheating.

Try this line. I used it once on a boyfriend who had chlamydia and swore he hadn't cheated. I said 'clearly you must have done, because before you I tested clear, and now I am not. There is no other explanation, is there?' He then admited it.

Must admit many years ago nearer the start of a long term relationship (but still over a year in) I received a positive test. My DP at the time went to get tested and for treatment but his came back negative. When I went back for a check up with the nurse and mentioned this, I always remember her just saying 'ah yes, this does happen.' Really confused me!

I made my now DP have an STD test when we got together, he grumbled as he had no symptoms but it came back positive for chlamydia. He was 30 and had never been tested before, so could have had it for a decade! I think it's pretty common for men to have it and not know, I've never met a man who gets tested unless he's experiencing symptoms.

Also, it's only a 1/3 chance of catching it if you have sex with someone who's infected, so he's unlikely to have caught it from a one night stand. Unless you have reason to believe he's had an affair, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

You’ll never know. I caught it from my first sexual partner (when we only used condoms!) and neither of us had symptoms. I only found out when I went into hospital for a non-related gynae op and they swabbed for infections, otherwise I probably would never have known. You’ll never know. If you trust each other then that’s enough. It’s common, it’s hidden sometimes, and my nurse joked that it’s so common in her patients that she’d put antibiotics for it in the water if it were up to her.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies and for sharing your experiences. Some very interesting aspects.

@Theresnobslikeshowb no I've never tested positive for chlamydia before.

I love him, he loves me. We have a beautiful DS who we dote over. I can't see me ending the relationship without clear answers. My head is just spinning, my heart is racing, I am totally panicking

Didn't you say you had a test just before you met?

You need proper medical advice. Call your local clinic. I have no idea how long it can lie dormant but it seems odd that you never had any issues until recently. I also find it odd he didn't even seem interested in how you could have got it or ask any questions?

And of course if he works away the opportunity is there

I had a friend with a positive test like this years into her marriage and she was told the same by medics; could have been there for years and years.