To think DH cheated? Positive sti results

[turmoil123]

This will be a long one. Don't want to drip feed.

Basically, been married for 5 years, together for 9.

We have a 2yo DS

We have a happy marriage, never ever had reason to doubt his fidelity.

After suffering from bad abdominal pains and unusual discharge for a week, I went to the doctors and had swabs taken. I was put on two different antibiotics until results came back (he did mention chlamydia amongst other possibilities but I didn't think much of it at the time) which they did today. Nurse has told me I have chlamydia.

So, I had a full sti screening not long before I met DH and the only positive result I got was HSV1 which I knew about.

DH has never had a sti check nor has he had any symptoms of chlamydia.

They can't test him just now because sti screening has been suspended due to covid - 19. They have prescribed him antibiotics though and we will both need checked again when testing resumes.

I wasn't checked for chlamydia during my pregnancy, as they don't routinely do it here. The nurse checked my records.

Obviously, I spoke to DH about it. He swears blind he hasn't cheated.

The nurse told me it can lie dormant for many years, but likely would have caused complications with my fertility or pregnancy which obviously it didn't.

Is it even possible he's had it all this time and I've only just caught it from him?

I think I know the answer. But where do I go from here, when he's so adamant he's never cheated on me.

My head is all over the place, I can't even go to a friend or family right now 😔

As a person who has had a positive test before for it which turned out not to be the case... I'd say this is about going beyond the different scenarios. To this day, the don't know why my test was positive when I didn't have it.

Someone makes a good point above saying that there are many different possibilities but it's about whether you trust him and can take his word for it. It's part and parcel of every relationship.

@CrazyToast you talk about misinformation but completely ignore the fact that the FPA indicates that 5% (or 1 in 20) tests can give a false negative. It will not always show in a test.

Is it even possible he's had it all this time and I've only just caught it from him?

Well yes, and if it can lie dormant for years then despite the fact that you had a test over 9 years ago, I don't see why it can't be coming from you now, and you might even have given it to him.

Don't assume anything or go making wild accusations until you've confirmed exactl what might, or might not be the case. You could end up looking a bit silly.

turmoil123 - it does seem a little bit odd you would suddenly start getting discharge and symptoms years after being infected. Chlamydia is a bacterial infection, not a virus, so I don’t think it ever lies “dormant” as such - just in some people can do lots of internal damage without them ever getting external symptoms, or possibly just not proliferate too much. Is there anything else that has changed in recent years - eg your choice of contraception - that could have stoked up a pre-exisitng infection? Have you otherwise been unwell?
Another thought - you can also get chlamydia in your throat and rectum, so if you have changed sexual practices recently, you could have passed it to each other from an orifice not previously used with each other!!!

My friend was contacted by a man she'd had a relationship with 10 years before, (The man she lost her virginity to) advising her that he'd tested positive for Chlamydia. She went for the test and was positive.

I’m 39, have had a test before each new sexual partner (and asked them to get one), and also when I was in a 15 year relationship- I had coils in and out for pregnancy and got tested each time even though I hadn’t cheated and did not suspect exdp had. When I got together with my now dp he brought being tested up before we had sex before I did.

So I didn’t think it’s a ‘men’ don’t care approach. Because I can say every guy I’ve been with have, without a fight, and I’ve seen the results.

But I think that often a couple don’t have the conversation and that’s as much the women’s fault as the mans.

I’m sorry but no penis is getting near my vagina unless I know it’s not carrying anything!

My ds19 has had sex with two girls. The first time they were both virgins, the second time they weren’t. So they both got tested. I’ve drilled it into him the importance and I hope he carries on with it. Kids are more clued up hopefully these days! When I was a teen it was mainly gossip and myths!

It’s a weird one, chlamydia. Years ago me and my ex both decided to get tested (bit late as we’d already been together 6 months or so but there you go). His results came back clear, I had chlamydia. I started the antibiotics and he got retested, and then he also tested positive for chlamydia. Really weird that he was clear and then not a fortnight later. Neither of us had cheated in those 6 months. It was really odd, never could work out how that could happen.

Was coming on to say the same as Walkaround.

Just because you test clear I’m with a vagina swab doesn’t mean you don’t have it in your throat.

Check out SH:24 and see if your local area does postal tests kits. Even with Covid19 do labs are still processing them.

Oh wow OP, what an awful situation. I had no idea it can remain dormant.

So to give you my story, was with partner (now husband) 2 years and husband had a Sti check as part of a health check. Came back with clamydia. Last one he had before that was just before he met me and all clear. Knew I hadn’t cheated and so I must have given it to him. The last person that I slept with was 3 years before that and had no symptoms so it IS possible.

turmoil123 Some studies have shown a person after treatment can actually reinfect themselves due to the bacteria lying dormant. That was my train of thought.

This happened to me years ago but with hpv1. I was devastated when the doctor gave me the results as we had been together a while and had 3 dc's so i assumed dh must have cheated. However the doctor told me that (like chlamydia) it can lie dormant for years and also that it could have been passed on via a cold sore (which dh does get occasionally). I did confront dh and he denied ever cheating so i decided to believe him and let it go. It does still occasionally bother me though - but ultimately i trust him.

Its a horrible situation though and like you i couldnt get my head around the fact i couldve had it for years and the symptoms suddenly flared up. Its a weird one.

If strong antibiotics get rid of it, do they only do that if it's not dormant? What I'm asking is that say a person caught it 10 years ago before they started dating someone then had the antibiotics for some other reason say 5 years ago, would that mean that if they had it currently that would mean they'd caught the current infection since they'd had the antibiotics?

could have been passed on via a cold sore that's Herpes viruses - cold sores, herpes, chicken pox/shingles.

Human Papiloma viruses are responsible for warts. There are lots of different ones, but only a few are the high risk ones involved in CC

I think you mean HSV1?

Melroses

HPV is responsible for coldsores AND genital warts. I had them on my privates but the doctor said they could be passed on through oral sex via a cold sore.

Eh... no.

You can definitely get cold sores of the privates from cold sores of the face.

Exh and I were treated for chlamydia when we first started dating, the test for it was awful for both of us. I assumed treatment would get rid and of course, you don't get retested to make sure treatment has worked. Imagine my horror when years later and at 8 months pregnant, he dumps me and a test comes back positive for it again. I can't remember why I was tested but it needed treating asap as it can be dangerous for baby during birth. Cheating denied and I wasn't thinking for ages it had lain dormant. Years later, no, probably cos he was cheating. Sorry, doesn't help you OP.

Niceoneourkid you must have misunderstood. HPV cannot be passed on via a coldsore

HSV is the coldsore one. Herpes Simplex

Ah, maybe im mistaken - twas a very long time ago!

I know very little about chlamydia but seems strange to me that you have only had symptoms now after twelve years. Also could have passed it on during birth if you had a vaginal delivery so you’re incredibly lucky if you have harboured it for so long.

I suppose he’s never been tested so it’s entirely possible he’s had it for donkeys years, I know most people have no symptoms. It’s just odd to me that you have suddenly had symptoms after all these years... I know herpes can lie dormant for many years before producing symptoms but didn’t think chlamydia was the same. Perhaps I’m wrong though.

HPVandherpesare bothtransmitted throughskin-to-skin contact. This includes sexual contact such as vaginal, anal, or oral sex. ...Herpessimplex viruses causingcold sores,canalso be contracted by: sharing utensils or drinking glasses

Although ive just found this from a quick google...

Have you never had a screen when you've had a smear test? It's always offered to me when I have one.