Or is DH overreacting?

[Flimflamfloogety]

I'm currently furloughed, but my husband is working from home therefore I'm doing all of the homeschooling for our 4yo.

We all got up at the same time this morning, husband puts on his laptop then buggers of the loo for half an hour whilst I make breakfast for DS. Whilst DS is eating I put a load of laundry on. DH comes out of the loo and starts his work. Whilst DS is still eating and the washing machine is going I get showered and dry my hair. I get DS dressed brush teeth etc and do the homeschooling (various tasks set by the teacher). This takes us up until 12.

In this time husband has made himself some breakfast, done 1 hours facetime with his mother who is alone in India and fired off some emails.

I let DS have a break from the school work and grab myself a belvita breakfast bar. Literally the second my arse hits the sofa DS pipes up "what is that, can I have some?". I tell him no, but I'll make him lunch if he's hungry. Then husband butts in (from the exercise bike - not doing his work btw) "just let him have some, what's wrong with you?"

I explain I haven't eaten yet, can I please just have one measly breakfast bar in peace and husband massively kicks off. Offers to get DS one of my bars (I'm trying to lose weight and usually just have a bar for breakfast), I ask him not to as they're running low. Husband then decides, that he's going to the shops with DS to stock up on their own food that I'm not allowed to have. They've just left now and I know husband will deliberately buy stuff that he knows I like (when I usually ask him to grab me stuff with specific instructions he'll come back with something completely different)

Who is being unreasonable here?

Usually I'll share food with DS, but I hadn't eaten yet and I was going to make him lunch anyway. Was I unreasonable to expect to be able to eat my breakfast without anyone else picking at it?

Your husband hasn’t taken your son to the shop with him has he?

@runbitchrun

Husband has taken DS with him

YANBU. He sounds like a petulant twat. He's an idiot taking your child with him.

He's trying to make a point isn't he? That you shouldn't dare complain because doing things with a child in tow is so easy as he is currently proving.

Well he’s certainly unreasonable for taking a child to the supermarket with him. Sounds like a twat all round.

You're married to a twat. Why does he please himself in the morning?

I think it's all a mountain out of a molehill but I can see how that happens on lockdown when tensions are running high anyway. You could have shared your bar and then made yourself lunch when you made DS lunch, but equally your DH massively overreacted.

He’s a twat and he’ll use your son in ganging up against you.

You both overreacted massively. Huge mountain out a molehill but we are all more easily irritated just now. Stop martyring yourself.

No, OP didn't want to share. Ffs we don't need to share everything with our kids, especially not when their father has just made himself a breakfast without offering to plate some up for anyone else.

OP is probably sick of carrying the load while her husband is fannying about in the background doing what he wants under the guise of 'work'.

He's a knob

@onanothertrain @artistformerlyknownas usually I will share, especially if it's a decent portion of food. However on this occasion I hadn't eaten since I'd got up, was starving and it was just a small breakfast bar. For the record when I offered lunch to DS he declined as he wasn't hungry. He only wanted the bar because I had it. I don't like to encourage eating for the sake of it.

@canofcant I tried to make that point to husband, I little bar like that doesn't need to be shared, especially if I haven't eaten in over 3 hours whilst DS has had a full breakfast and some fruit already.

It’s really unfair of him to recruit your DS into arguments he has with you. “Let’s buy our own food that Mummy isn’t allowed”, ffs no.

I'd be more mad that he had taken your son to the shop tbh.

Blevitas are shite, you may as well have some digestives for breakfast but I digress.

I never said you should share OP

@onanothertrain

Apologies, I've misread your comment and interpreted as I've overreacted and should have just shared!

Your husband is being very childish and unreasonable.
Try to enjoy the peace while you have the house to yourself and try not to react in regard to the food he buys.It sounds as though he is petulantly trying to “ teach you a lesson “ so don’t give him the satisfaction.
Is he always like this or is he struggling a lot with lockdown and taking it out on you?

He was u to ask you to share but you were u not to let ds have a bar of his own imho. DH was being u to stomp off and would be v v u to actually follow through on keeping food away from you. He is not u in not wanting there to be special food just for you (this would annoy me) but he handled things very badly and should not have undermined you in front of your son.

It would annoy me, if does annoy me that my child always has to share my food! I never get a full snack or meal - but he’s a toddler and doesn’t understand yet.

The bit which sounds odd to me is how manipulative your DH appears to be - he’ll purposely buy food he knows you like when you’re trying to diet and when you ask him to buy specific items he comes back with different stuff?

It sounds like he enjoys playing mind games. That’s messed up

@inwood oh I'm fuming that he's taken DS to the shop (a local co-op, not a supermarket as if it makes any difference).

And yes, belvita biscuits are pure shite. This was one of the oaty cake things with choc chips which I really enjoy.

I'm with you OP, your DH was wrong to take your DS's 'side' and make it an issue - time for a talk on a united front when dealing with kids.

A big deal over nothing. Sorry.

He was u to ask you to share but you were u not to let ds have a bar of his own imho.

Why? He'd already had breakfast and OP offered to make him lunch (which he declined as he wasn't hungry). Children don't need to be given something just because they ask for it.

This is really petty and mean of your DH. For one thing there's nothing wrong with adults having certain food that is just for them - very few four year old boys have an unrelenting passion for Belvita bars, your son had other options offered, and also it's rude to demand to try someone else's food before they've had any themselves. So you were right on that point. Your husband is now going on an unnecessary trip to the shop with a young child to buy treats that they will then, what, eat in front of you?

Your husband doesn't like you very much does he?

You don’t eat a chocolate chip thing in front of a 4 year old and not expect to share or let them have one. Of course they are going to say no to lunch, they want the chocolate chip thing.