Or is DH overreacting?

[Flimflamfloogety]

I'm currently furloughed, but my husband is working from home therefore I'm doing all of the homeschooling for our 4yo.

We all got up at the same time this morning, husband puts on his laptop then buggers of the loo for half an hour whilst I make breakfast for DS. Whilst DS is eating I put a load of laundry on. DH comes out of the loo and starts his work. Whilst DS is still eating and the washing machine is going I get showered and dry my hair. I get DS dressed brush teeth etc and do the homeschooling (various tasks set by the teacher). This takes us up until 12.

In this time husband has made himself some breakfast, done 1 hours facetime with his mother who is alone in India and fired off some emails.

I let DS have a break from the school work and grab myself a belvita breakfast bar. Literally the second my arse hits the sofa DS pipes up "what is that, can I have some?". I tell him no, but I'll make him lunch if he's hungry. Then husband butts in (from the exercise bike - not doing his work btw) "just let him have some, what's wrong with you?"

I explain I haven't eaten yet, can I please just have one measly breakfast bar in peace and husband massively kicks off. Offers to get DS one of my bars (I'm trying to lose weight and usually just have a bar for breakfast), I ask him not to as they're running low. Husband then decides, that he's going to the shops with DS to stock up on their own food that I'm not allowed to have. They've just left now and I know husband will deliberately buy stuff that he knows I like (when I usually ask him to grab me stuff with specific instructions he'll come back with something completely different)

Who is being unreasonable here?

Usually I'll share food with DS, but I hadn't eaten yet and I was going to make him lunch anyway. Was I unreasonable to expect to be able to eat my breakfast without anyone else picking at it?

I would so wait for him to go to bed/have a shower/ whatever and I would eat his entire fucking birthday cake. What a twat.

Goodness, what a pillock your husband is.

However, as he has demonstrated how much time he has to spare, tell him that tomorrow morning it's his turn to sort DS out and organise all the home schooling.

my DH, if being really funny (not in the ha ha way), might possibly say he was getting food just for him and DD but he wouldnt actually do it and if he did go shop, wouldn't take DD and would of brought extra breakfast bars for mr if we were running low.

so the fact he has followed through with it and not just said it to you in a petty argument, plus has included your son in it, is quite worrying. I'd feel really shit if DH done that to me - reassess what you want from a relationship and raise the bar

me*

Just to echo what everyone else has said, but he's a spiteful nasty dick. Sorry. He risked your sons health taking him to the shops when there was no need just to get one over on you. What kind of a father does that.

I hope he's not one of these expecting dinner on the table, and if he is that you've told him he can make his own from his super special shopping trip. Starting from now until you start being treated with some respect.

YABU for letting your husband treat you like a skivvy! Get him to pull his weight instead of you running circles around him.

You use words like allowed and stopped a lot like in your mind he is a god who must be obeyed.

Make the fecking cake tomorrow because you want to do it with DS.

Take the fecking cake bars out of DS's room. Four year olds do not get to have cake in their rooms to eat on demand. Eat one of them yourself tomorrow if you want. They are yours too.

If you want some chocolate, have it. You are allowed. If you are choosing not to eat chocolate right now then describe it that way in your own mind. You are an adult you are allowed to eat what you want when you want. What you choose to do is another matter.

Never expect to eat anything in front of a four year old without them wanting some. Even celery.

Let’s not make this about OP. It’s fine for her to eat something and not share it. It’s even OK for a mother to have food in her house which is of her particular taste and which she would like to save for herself if possible, especially if everyone else would only be eating it out of wanting their “fair share” rather than because they actually liked it that much. We’re allowed to have our own things. Yes, even in the company for 4 year olds.

Your husband is a complete dick, is he usually? It's like he has no respect for you at all. Getting your DS to gang up against you is just appalling.

Reading this thread made me sad and worried for you OP. Your husband is treating you very unkindly and giving your son very disturbing messages about your family dynamics and how to treat each other. Do you have family or friends to talk to?

Your husband is an abysmal father who’s endangered his son to hurt you. Top level wankery.

He’s a nasty bastard of a husband who wants to spite you and hurt you and have your son side against you.

If he’s always this much of a cock nostril, I’d leave.

If it’s isolated, tell him clearly what a massive dock head he’s been and stand down, Let him do parenting.

Oh my god at the update

Your poor son

I'd seriously be re-evaluating my whole life / marriage after using his son that way

This is really awful to read OP & concerning that you haven’t come back. Please reply.

Your husband sounds vindictive. Is this out of character?

He is really spiteful.

I hope you won't continue to put up with him.

Please put your manipulative, passive-aggressive, arsehole of a husband directly in the bin.

That's outrageous!
How dare he drag a four year old into it as well .

Jesus Christ he’s a dickhead!

Your H is really nasty to you and a poor role model. He hardly did any work but won't actually help with parenting unless it's to score points

He over reacted. But why does he try to sabotage your diet by buying lots of things you can't have is the bigger question? Is he insecure that you'll get v slim & find someone else?

So to punish you he risked your child by taking him to the supermarket when the guidelines state only one person per household if possible which was absolutely possible in your case 🤦‍♀️ he's a childish twat! I'm sorry your stuck in this situation with him OP.

What an arsehole op.

He's been a prize twat. And "ganging up on you" with your son is awful. He's setting a terrible example.

The only other thing I'll say is that your son could have had one. Cereal bars "running low" is no big deal and you'd all be better off without them!

done 1 hours facetime with his mother who is alone in India

Are there cultural issues here OP? Is he taking the view that as he and DS are male you should be subservient to both of them - even though DS is only four?

I lectured to a lot of Asian males in their late teens/early 20s, and some of them were quite open that they ordered their mothers about and had done since they were tiny. They'd been told it was their mother's and sisters' duty to pander to their every whim and demand. (Some of them would try it with me - only once ).

Your h is a nasty arsehole.