Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is DH overreacting?

122 replies

Flimflamfloogety · 21/04/2020 15:00

I'm currently furloughed, but my husband is working from home therefore I'm doing all of the homeschooling for our 4yo.

We all got up at the same time this morning, husband puts on his laptop then buggers of the loo for half an hour whilst I make breakfast for DS. Whilst DS is eating I put a load of laundry on. DH comes out of the loo and starts his work. Whilst DS is still eating and the washing machine is going I get showered and dry my hair. I get DS dressed brush teeth etc and do the homeschooling (various tasks set by the teacher). This takes us up until 12.

In this time husband has made himself some breakfast, done 1 hours facetime with his mother who is alone in India and fired off some emails.

I let DS have a break from the school work and grab myself a belvita breakfast bar. Literally the second my arse hits the sofa DS pipes up "what is that, can I have some?". I tell him no, but I'll make him lunch if he's hungry. Then husband butts in (from the exercise bike - not doing his work btw) "just let him have some, what's wrong with you?"

I explain I haven't eaten yet, can I please just have one measly breakfast bar in peace and husband massively kicks off. Offers to get DS one of my bars (I'm trying to lose weight and usually just have a bar for breakfast), I ask him not to as they're running low. Husband then decides, that he's going to the shops with DS to stock up on their own food that I'm not allowed to have. They've just left now and I know husband will deliberately buy stuff that he knows I like (when I usually ask him to grab me stuff with specific instructions he'll come back with something completely different)

Who is being unreasonable here?

Usually I'll share food with DS, but I hadn't eaten yet and I was going to make him lunch anyway. Was I unreasonable to expect to be able to eat my breakfast without anyone else picking at it?

OP posts:
ScarfLadysBag · 21/04/2020 15:37

Your DH was being a knob. And yes, I sometimes eat something in front of my DD that she isn't having. That's life.

RedHelenB · 21/04/2020 15:40

Your being a martyr. A 4 year old doesn't need that level of schooling. Just chill.a bit.

CanofCant · 21/04/2020 15:48

I think it's when OP decided to stop being a martyr and not share her food with her son that rankled her husband into being a dick.

RhymingRabbit3 · 21/04/2020 16:40

Of course they are going to say no to lunch, they want the chocolate chip thing.

He was offered lunch before OP had her cereal bar, he didnt know that was an option when he declined lunch.

OP I think its totally reasonable to say no to DS eating your food. A 4 year old is old enough to understand that that it your food, not his. Your DH is an arse who is just trying to make a point. Taking the 4yo to the shop is also irresponsible. I hope the shop tell him he cant come in.

Nombie · 21/04/2020 16:43

YANBU husband sounds like a selfish prick tbh.

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2020 16:51

A 4 year old doesn't need that level of schooling. Just chill.a bit.

What 'level' of schooling? I doubt he's sat there slaving over maths worksheets.

Parents are supposed to be trying to get their children to do the work that school has sent home.

cowfacemonkey · 21/04/2020 16:53

You're husband is a massive prick.

BUT you do come across as a bit of a martyr in you posts. There was no reason for you to have waited until 12 for something to eat. 4 year olds don't need a huge amount of structured learning. Of course a four year old will want a chocolate chip bar. You could have eaten it out of site or better yet shared and given yourself something decent for lunch. You sound a bit uptight about food. Sharing a bit of a treat with your child does not encourage eating for the sake of it and you aren't exactly demonstrating good eating habits yourself.

But once again your husband is a prick.

cowfacemonkey · 21/04/2020 16:54

sight not site

Original poster
Flimflamfloogety · 21/04/2020 17:03

Update

They're back from the shops. Husband has bought them a chocolate bar each, and somehow miraculously been able to get the brand I usually request, which he normally can't find 🤔. I'm not allowed any of them.

He also bought DS a box of the breakfast bars to keep in his room, that "he doesn't have to share with mummy"

He's also bought a birthday cake for himself, knowing full well that me and DS were planning to bake him one for his bday tomorrow. He's told DS that we don't need 2 cakes and stopped us from making one - DS was really looking forward to this.

For those calling me a martyr, I'm not taking on any more than I can handle. I'm quite capable. I was mearly providing details for context so you could see why I'd skipped breakfast and just wanted a bloody breakfast bar in peace 😂

OP posts:
Michaelbaubles · 21/04/2020 17:06

*They're back from the shops. Husband has bought them a chocolate bar each, and somehow miraculously been able to get the brand I usually request, which he normally can't find 🤔. I'm not allowed any of them.

He also bought DS a box of the breakfast bars to keep in his room, that "he doesn't have to share with mummy"*

That’s breathtakingly cunty behaviour. Is he usually such a nobhead?

cowfacemonkey · 21/04/2020 17:08

Well you can still bake with your DS you don't need his permission. He sounds quite petty and spiteful and doesn't sound like he likes you very much. I'd be extremely worried about him dragging your DS into these behaviours.

Sorry though there is nothing in your context that explains why you couldn't have breakfast Grin

WilburIsSomePig · 21/04/2020 17:11

You don’t eat a chocolate chip thing in front of a 4 year old and not expect to share or let them have one. Of course they are going to say no to lunch, they want the chocolate chip thing.

Yes, they'll want it. It doesn't mean they'll get it. You do know that it's perfectly fine not to give children exactly what they want when they want it? No wonder some kids can't cope when they don't get what they want.

DillyDilly · 21/04/2020 17:14

He sounds horrible. Don’t make a cake tmro and only do a minimal amount of birthday fuss, purely for your DS’s sake. Bake with your DS later in the week.

Is he normally this horrible ?

PleaseStopSayingNewNormal · 21/04/2020 17:14

Your husband sounds like a jerk who needs to get over himself. Your son won't die for lack of a piece of your breakfast, and you're entitled to sit and have a meal without being pestered.

Four is old enough for your son to learn that people don't have to share everything they eat. Ridiculous of your husband to have intervened in such a dramatic fashion.

PleaseStopSayingNewNormal · 21/04/2020 17:18

Oh, just saw the update. Even more evidence that your husband is quite the jerk.

I'd damn well make the cake anyway, if I wanted to do it. Why is he in charge of when you can and cannot bake? If you prefer, you can just bake the cake at the weekend or next week. Bonsu: That way it's no longer nasty husband's cake, but a family cake, or better yet, a DS- and OP-only cake. Piece of crap husband can do without.

I don't know why you put up with him, if he's always this way!

Excited101 · 21/04/2020 17:20

Your DH sounds like a dick- giving DS a box to keep in his room, WTF?! Is he always a nasty piece of work?

And no, I wouldn’t have shared a bar thing with him either, kids should be able to manage you not always giving them what they want, when they want it. And it’s ok for them not to share treats all the time. I bet there’s plenty of times he has a treat and others don’t, that’s ok.

PunishmentSnart · 21/04/2020 17:21

Your husband is horrible.

Why are you even with the nasty prick.

Halo1234 · 21/04/2020 17:22

You are both being unreasonable. You are not going above and beyond by putting on a wash and doing some educational work with your son. It's just normal life just now. You sound like u want praise for it. It's also ok for him to video call with his mother for an hour if work allows. Sounds like tensions got a bit high and just a silly arguement. It's a general rule if u eat in front of your kids u have to share no? I wouldn't do that. If I wanted to eat something I knew they liked I would either give them one. Share it. Or sneak away for 2 mins and eat it as fast as I could. I would be a bit wtf if my oh stood eating something tasty in front of my small child and said no u can have some or your own one. But his response is ott. He should not have went to the shop with ds, that's just wrong wrong wrong. And not getting u any chocolate is just childish. Draw a line. Dont carry it on. The cake thing would make me angry too. But its not worth a drama over a cake. Make one anyway.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 21/04/2020 17:22

Unless it's part of your diet I don't understand why you didn't eat breakfast at a normal time. That does seem a little martyr-ish.

Your husband is clearly only 'working' part time, if that.

Also, he is nasty and doesn't appear to like you at all.

DahlingDahlia · 21/04/2020 17:22

Agree with PPs. Absolute twat. Sorry OP

Dishwashersaurous · 21/04/2020 17:27
  1. Your husband doesn’t like you and is undermining everything you are doing. You need to probably talk to him about the future of your relationship.
  1. You need to eat breakfast every day. If you are trying to lose weight eating a proper breakfast eg porridge with your son will help
yerawizadari · 21/04/2020 17:28

I was coming on to break the news that you're married to a twat, but I see other people have got there before me.

Having read your update, I can see that he is also an arse.

CalmdownJanet · 21/04/2020 17:33

Wow your update makes him a complete cunt. A box of breakfast bars to keep in his room that he doesn't need share, ffs talk about giving him unhealthy habits. I guarantee when he has untwisted his knickers he'll tell your ds he can't keep food in his room either so unhealthy habits & mixed messages about food plus a crash course in how to treat your wife like shit too

BadBear · 21/04/2020 17:37

I wish I could slap this manchild from where I am right now! YADNBU

Please tell him to get a goddamn grip of himself! I also find it quite manipulative that he will sabotage your weight loss effort. It's not that complicated to buy things from a list. If it is then perhaps he should consider learning how to read.

ChipotleBlessing · 21/04/2020 17:37

Wow, he’s shit at being both a husband and a parent. Is this lockdown stress or is he always this bad?

Swipe left for the next trending thread