Or is DH overreacting?

[Flimflamfloogety]

I'm currently furloughed, but my husband is working from home therefore I'm doing all of the homeschooling for our 4yo.

We all got up at the same time this morning, husband puts on his laptop then buggers of the loo for half an hour whilst I make breakfast for DS. Whilst DS is eating I put a load of laundry on. DH comes out of the loo and starts his work. Whilst DS is still eating and the washing machine is going I get showered and dry my hair. I get DS dressed brush teeth etc and do the homeschooling (various tasks set by the teacher). This takes us up until 12.

In this time husband has made himself some breakfast, done 1 hours facetime with his mother who is alone in India and fired off some emails.

I let DS have a break from the school work and grab myself a belvita breakfast bar. Literally the second my arse hits the sofa DS pipes up "what is that, can I have some?". I tell him no, but I'll make him lunch if he's hungry. Then husband butts in (from the exercise bike - not doing his work btw) "just let him have some, what's wrong with you?"

I explain I haven't eaten yet, can I please just have one measly breakfast bar in peace and husband massively kicks off. Offers to get DS one of my bars (I'm trying to lose weight and usually just have a bar for breakfast), I ask him not to as they're running low. Husband then decides, that he's going to the shops with DS to stock up on their own food that I'm not allowed to have. They've just left now and I know husband will deliberately buy stuff that he knows I like (when I usually ask him to grab me stuff with specific instructions he'll come back with something completely different)

Who is being unreasonable here?

Usually I'll share food with DS, but I hadn't eaten yet and I was going to make him lunch anyway. Was I unreasonable to expect to be able to eat my breakfast without anyone else picking at it?

Does your DH have any nice qualities as i do worry his parenting style will lead to you as the mum being mocked and put down and our little boy will learn that this is normal and do the same. Is that what you want for your DS?

Thanks for all the messages is support an concern.

In answer to most questions, no he is not usually like this. Don't get me wrong we have disagreements, but this is out of character hence why I asked if I'm unreasonable or if this was a massive overreaction. I'm assuming that it's pent up lock down tension as he seems to have moved on from it now.

I'm not impressed with the behaviour, but don't particularly want to continue a fight for the sake of it and especially over something as as stupid as a cereal bar 🤦🏼‍♀️

I won't be baking the cake tomorrow, and all bday stuff can come from DS, I'm not petty enough to prevent my DS from celebrating his dad's birthday.

If it comes up again, I'll just stand my ground. At the end of the day is DS is hungry, he can have his own lunch. He's 4, he doesn't need to sample everything I eat and I'll be sure to have my breakfast at a normal time.

Biscuits have been removed from DS room and put in the kitchen cupboard for communal consumption.

Spiteful twat.

Parental alienation-I don’t think I’m overstating it, your not so ‘d’h has clearly tried to get your ds to take sides. Utter wanker.

And no, you don’t have to share every single thing with your child. He sees you taking the pill/antibiotic/supplement and wants the ‘sweet’, so you should give him one? Let’s not be ridiculous, kids need to learn that they can’t have everything they want immediately or even at all.

Just a couple of thoughts
He shouldn't talk/treat you like that
He should not be taking your DS to the shops
Belvita bars are not a good choice if you are trying to lose weight. It's a marketing ploy. Egg and beans, yoghurt and fruit would probably be much more filling
In the current situation it's so easy for this kind of thing to spiral. Look after yourself

When they return say "so you and ds have your own food, great. I'll get him to come to you for it whenever he needs a meal or snack"

Perfect! Get your lazy arse H to sort DS’ breakfast and lunch for the foreseeable, seeing as he’s so invested in what he eats and you clearly can’t be trusted. See how long that lasts. Man’s a dick.

I'm glad this isn't his normal behaviour. If it was, I'd be pretty appalled as it reads like he's training DS up to disregard you, which is completely unacceptable.

Your DH was wrong in using your DS this way in an argument. But you weren’t right either. It would have pissed me off too if I saw DH being petty over food (which he has a tendancy to be) with a child. Also, in the nicest possible way, you have been furloughed; there is zero possible way you don’t have time to eat meals. There is never that much housework. It’s common in Indian families for wives to run ragged doing random and unecessary things while not bathing / eating / exercising / practising self-care so they can boast to others about being busy - don’t do that.

This is the kind of shit my Ex would do when he was stressed about something else. He would always apologise afterwards, but it wouldn't stop him acting like a spiteful little shit head next time he was stressed. You deserve to be treated a lot better OP, please don't put up with that crap.

Petty over food? Look lady...as much as I adore my kids, I don’t feel obliged to share my food with them on demand or let them eat items I have bought specifically for myself to last until the next shop. They are well catered for with their own food, which I also shop for and prepare for them. God forbid the woman keep a morsel of something for herself eh?
OP has explained that she’s trying to lose weight and bought these specifically...and was running low on them. She’s the adult, she’s in charge and she gets to keep the damn bars for herself.

In other news, OP those Belvita bars are no way to lose weight. They’re just cakes marketed to seem like a healthy option. They’re actually very calorific for the tiny size of them, full of sugar and leave you both hungry and wanting more. Have a bowl of porridge and a banana instead.

I know that lockdown can be stressful, but even so-does this behaviour come out of nowhere?

I agree with not having to share food although if I was having a biscuit I would probably let my kid have one-I mean really that's all those Belvita are, isn't it?

There so much wrong with dh behaviour! Roping children into arguments is abominable and if a a pattern it's a form of emotional abuse.
Taking him to the shop during a pandemic for chocolate and treats - essential journey my arse. Teaching him that petty retaliative behaviour is acceptable as well as goady spiteful ness in hiding them from you and announcing it. A fine example of how to be passive aggressive and taunting at once . Yuk.

I also question op your assurance that he isn't usually like this, when by your own admition , in normal times, when you ask him for things he purposely "can't find" what you want which is passive aggressive and childish in itself. You predicted that he would come home as he has, with those particular favourites- betraying that this is actually predictable behaviour. Sorry op- your husband is an arse.

Clean the loo with his tooth brush for his birthday. He’s a twat

Your dh is a twat
And this needs to be addressed before he gets worse.

So long as you don't eat a single one of the biscuits your DH bought for you DS, you can hid yours and just eat them when you want, but I would say that DD can have one of the ones from Daddy.
Sorry but you offered your child food, he does not get to take your diet bars, I am glad your husband is not normal an arse.

YABU to try to lose weight and not eat till' midday and then a bloody crappy breakfast bar.

I mean what is that? It's just a biscuit.

Have something to eat when you get up with DS....instead of putting on laundry. It's healthier for a child to have company at the table.

Wow: what a horrible man.

And you’re married to him? I’m so sorry OP.

What 'level' of schooling? I doubt he's sat there slaving over maths worksheets.

Apparently the level of school that requires OP to be running around like a blue arsed fly and not have a moment to sit down and eat a cereal bar until 12. At least that's the impression given in the op.

So op is a martyr and your husband is a spiteful dickhead. Miserable situation all round.

What an absolute C U Next Tuesday.

No one should be taking their kids shoppings if there is another responsible person at home.How irresponsible is that.

There's no need for the childish behaviour or spiteful ness.Hows your relationship otherwise?,are you two getting on?

For those questioning the routine - I don't always eat at 12 this was just an odd day. I wasn't hungry when I woke up so used the time to get a wash on and get it hung up on one of the communal washing lines before they all got taken.

With regards to my diet, I'll continue eating what works for me. Usually (and particularly while I'm working) I'd have a breakfast bar around 10 when I get into work followed by some fruit around 11.30 then lunch at 1pm. This routine slipped a little whilst on lockdown and I'm just recently returning to it again (avoiding snacking etc). I've lost 2 kilos in a week following this and it works fine for me combined with exercise.

I included all the detail about my morning to avoid drip feeding, not to try and get praise or be a martyr.

My view is still that I'm perfectly entitled to have snacks for myself to aid with my diet. Just because I am eating something doesn't mean DS needs to have it. If he was actually hungry he could have had his lunch that I offered. If I was having a snack like crisps or chocolates I would have definitely shared, and I always do.

DS is 4, his task for the morning set by his teacher was to practice some letter formations and using scissors to cut wiggly lines so I couldn't just leave him to it.

Gosh op. This is really horrible. I think you need to make it clear you are annoyed- this is not about a breakfast bar, but him undermining you. If you let it lie, he'll think he has the power. Challenge it. M

And think about whether this is part of a longer term pattern of behaviour.

I get sick of my kids seeing food I've bought for me and expecting some of it just because I gave birth to them. Especially when they scoff all the nice stuff before I get a look in (they're teens so par for the course). I bloody well say no. Especially if they've had plenty to eat and just want it because I've got it!

Well done on the diet and sticking to what works for you OP. You could lose 15stone straight away if you booted his sorry arse out!

My view is still that I'm perfectly entitled to have snacks for myself to aid with my diet. Just because I am eating something doesn't mean DS needs to have it.

Absolutely. Nobody should ever have to share their food unless they choose to. Anyone who forces you to share or says you shouldn’t eat in front of your DCs unless you’re prepared to let them have it, is bringing up entitled little shits who have no boundaries.