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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

300 replies

GettingFatterByTheDay · 21/04/2020 13:31

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

OP posts:
Coffeekisses · 22/04/2020 08:39

Gosh, I’m going to go against the grain here!

Depending on what he studied, I can understand he’d want to work in that area having put so much hard work in to it and having no doubt racked up significant debt to pay for it.

His best route now would be to secure work experience and make as many contacts in that industry as he can. This may involve unpaid work, research, emailing, visits etc (after the lockdown of course!).

If he were my child I would want to provide him with a base for doing this. I have told my dc that my home is their home for as long as they need it.

Having succeeded in a very competitive industry I can tell you that graduates who succeed in securing work related to their degrees are the ones with parents willing to provide a security blanket while they find their feet.

There is nothing wrong with ‘stacking shelves’ or any other jobs that don’t require a degree, but why bother getting one if you don’t plan to try and use it?

Pinkblueberry · 22/04/2020 09:30

There is nothing wrong with ‘stacking shelves’ or any other jobs that don’t require a degree, but why bother getting one if you don’t plan to try and use it?

Getting a lower paid job after uni isn’t about not using your degree, it’s about having at least some income while your looking for a job where you will use your degree. It’s something to tide you over so you don’t become a complete burden on your parents again - your not a child anymore at that point. I don’t think anyone here thinks OPs brother shouldn’t be able to move back home, but his attitude to low paid jobs saying they are ‘beneath him’ is horrendous as is him thinking his parents should take care of him again as if he were a kid, when OPs DF has said that they would struggle with this. Even people who move back home and live rent free still get jobs and pay for their own toiletries, phone bills, clothes, nights out etc. How can he afford any of that with literally no income Confused

Bluesheep8 · 22/04/2020 11:21

There is nothing wrong with ‘stacking shelves’ or any other jobs that don’t require a degree, but why bother getting one if you don’t plan to try and use it?

I have a degree. I can't say whether I've ever "used" it tbh. But I have worked since graduating in 1995.

Bluesheep8 · 22/04/2020 11:24

Just re read the op and

My brother is just about to finish uni

So he hadn't even GOT the degree we all keep asking for details of. FFS Hmm

Coughsyrupsucks · 22/04/2020 11:32

Ah he’s one of those. No job will ever be good enough for him. Your Dad is 100% right not to let him back, and to have him make his own way. Or he’ll be there mooching forever.

My BIL left school at 15 (still don’t know how!), without any qualifications, hasn’t gained any in the meantime and he’s now 35.

Guess what? He won’t work for ‘other people’ and won’t take a ‘shitty job’, he better than stacking shelves, working in McD’s or cleaning.

So basically never works. It should have been nipped in the bud years ago, but his parents didn’t want to ‘upset him’.

He’s never paid rent, a bill or bought a week’s shopping. His now late 70 something parents are keeping him, seemingly forever. He’s in for one hell of a shock when they go, because we aren’t funding his shit.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 22/04/2020 11:37

My DD19 is currently working as a "shelf stacker" until she can get back into her chosen field. She works long hours and comes home exhausted, not to mention she's putting herself (and us, indirectly) at risk from being in a large supermarket every day. It saddens me that anyone would look down on her as a second class citizen. I'm actually very proud of her. She's bringing in a good wage doing what she's doing, unlike my husband (contractor, no work) who has done fuck all for the past month. He's not even tried to find anything else and to add insult to injury he's not pulling his weight around the house either, but that's another thread!

You DPs should take your DB at his word and let him be homeless if he's not willing to make an effort. See how quickly his attitude changes!

RincewindsHat · 22/04/2020 11:45

Ha! You and your dad are completely in the right - no way should he be allowed to live in your parents' home and have them pay for his lazy entitled attitude. If he would rather be homeless, let him do it and see if he changes his mind. If your parents pander to him now, they'll never get to retire because they'll have to support your brother forever.

I have a degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world, but when the first year of working for myself sucked (I was awful at getting clients) I worked cleaning out dog kennels for minimum wage. It was not my dream job, but I did it because I had to at the time. Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do and you have to suck it up and push through knowing it's not forever.

Clavinova · 22/04/2020 12:27

HopeYouStepOnALego
She's bringing in a good wage

Out of interest - how much money is your dd contributing to your household income?

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 22/04/2020 13:31

If the cast of West End shows aren't too proud to go and work for supermarkets then your brother hasn't got a leg to stand on:
www.facebook.com/janet.masson.92/posts/2941980385867454

He's being completely unreasonable in his expectations - plus, what employer is going to be impressed by his lack of initiative and willing when it comes to applying for jobs in the future?

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 22/04/2020 13:38

CoffeeKisses - the majority of businesses are tightening their belts, or furloughing employees... or going bust.

It's not going to be a world where the average new graduate can waltz into the job of their choice for a very long time.

HollowTalk · 22/04/2020 16:33

They just need to keep asking him, "What are you going to do, then?"

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 22/04/2020 17:40

Ex BIL wouldn’t work in a job below the job he was made redundant from - hasn’t worked since 1995

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 22/04/2020 17:50

YANBU, he can't expect to come home and freeload off his parents. A lot of people are currently doing delivery jobs etc that they wouldn't normally be doing, in order to earn a full time wage and to keep busy.

He sounds very selfish and entitled. He needs to accept the reality of the situation that half the world is living in, and deal with it and get whatever job he can. It is not for ever. and future employers will look better on somebody who took the opportunity to work through this by choice. They need to stick to their guns and not let him move back unless he can support himself.

DreamTheMoors · 22/04/2020 17:51

“Alrighty then - homeless it is, you arrogant f$ck.”

He either contributes to the household or he finds someone else to freeload off of.

Entitled much?

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/04/2020 17:52

The highest level sanction for universal credit is 6 months. Does he expect to live on fresh air?

Gingernaut · 22/04/2020 17:54

Has he seen what's going on out there?

Y'know, in the real world?

Shelf stackers are key workers, along with bus, train, tram and taxi drivers, cleaners and litter pickers.

After the lockdown ends, businesses will have gone into administration and there will be hundreds of thousands of people queueing up to stack shelves.

Right now, if he has no medical, teaching or business experience, any job is a good job.

Nurgleturtle · 22/04/2020 17:55

a job that is beneith him :L:L is physical labour a problem for him? only asking because i work as a shelf stack for tesco and we wont tolerate lazyness, what makes him think supermarkets would take him on they dont just take anyone on

Kravarza · 22/04/2020 17:55

If we all had that attitude nobody would have a job. I've got two degrees and I'm finally doing a job I enjoy, but it took 9 years from leaving uni and prior to that I worked in supermarkets, pubs, as a cleaner and picking fruit (not that there is anything wrong with these jobs!). He needs to grow up, start taking responsibility and stop trying to live off the bank of mum and dad!!!

mylifestory · 22/04/2020 17:56

He has to adjust to the current climate. Previously I am sure he wd have been welcomed home for a time to sponge while looking for his dream job and yr parents wdnt have minded. But as they are now unable to support him he shd come to them with a means of providing for himself and contributing to the household too. If he cannot do that he is an unnecessary burden. The big question is where is he living presently and can't he stay there whilstndoing what he desires as he seems so entiteld to it?

Saggingninja · 22/04/2020 18:10

Zaphod I'm with you there. The shedload of jobs I did before (and during) becoming published have furnished me with so many characters and ideas. On top of that you soon realise that there are loads of highly intelligent and curious people out there pulling pints, stacking shelves and working in restaurants.

There are also plenty of morons in high paying jobs.

AgeLikeWine · 22/04/2020 18:14

I agree 100% with your dad. Your brother sounds like a cocky entitled little shit who needs a brutal dose of reality. I do hope that is exactly what he gets.

Clofty · 22/04/2020 18:17

He is an arse. I did a law degree/law school then took a few crap jobs plucking chickens and working all hours in a pub before getting a proper job. When I recruit now (as a lawyer) I always look for people who worked similarly crap jobs as there are always transferable skills and it shows respect for your family and that you are not afraid to work hard. I’d never interview someone who didn’t work because it was beneath them.

M2B19 · 22/04/2020 18:19

Let him be homeless then...

dderrick · 22/04/2020 18:24

What was the university course in? I think he's right if it's a practical qualification, or he's wrong if it's not.

Dilovescake21 · 22/04/2020 18:30

YANBU. He's a lazy twat