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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

300 replies

GettingFatterByTheDay · 21/04/2020 13:31

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 22/04/2020 18:38

@JingsMahBucket, no he doesn't do am-dram or anything afaik. I don't think he even goes to the theatre.

He's married with a young family, and I think he works fairly long hours, so maybe doesn't get a lot of chance.

YE420032c · 22/04/2020 18:39

I have some very high academic qualifications but while I was studying and at other times I have worked at some very odd and humble jobs in my life to pay the bills. These included door to door sales, a chip shop, a telephone chat line, film extra, fruit picking, and selling on Ebay.

Ive had people sneer at me and tell me to get a "proper" job. However it made me smile to know that in the end I would be far better qualified and paid than they probably were.

Its the end not the means which is important.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 22/04/2020 19:13

Yeah well, I am not sure any more that he actually exists. OP? Are you ever coming back?

mrshousty · 22/04/2020 19:13

Seriously? What are the chances of him getting a job in his chosen field straight away? I would let him come home, however he would have to pay rent and utilities, that would come from jsa then he'd have no choice but to get a job. Plus a gap in employment on c.v isn't very desirable to recruiters

Petlover9 · 22/04/2020 19:16

Are you going to update OP?

Deadpoet1 · 22/04/2020 19:18

I agree with you and your dad.
If he'd rather live on the street then let him. One night out there and he'll be changing his mind.
YANBU.

CtrlU · 22/04/2020 19:18

If he would rather be homeless and broke - let him be homeless and broke.

I’m sure half the people stacking shelves or flipping burgers in McDonald’s don’t feel like it’s the best job in the world and at the high end of their career path - but it’s survival. You do it if you have to. He clearly isn’t that desperate as if he was - he would take anything.

Devilinatwinset · 22/04/2020 19:19

He needs a massive wake up call. He's an adult and needs to pay his way.

Ronnie27 · 22/04/2020 19:25

From a different perspective I’d never work a lower skilled / paid job again if I could possibly help it. I made a backwards step in work to avoid an imminent redundancy and tbh I can see how people get stuck there. People spoke to me like rubbish and pulled rank on me for ridiculous reasons and I admit it ground me down and lowered my aspirations a bit. I was only supposed to stay six months and ended up there for over a year until I was able to give myself a kick up the arse and move on.

Would advise against settling for less than you’re worth as it’s difficult to claw your way back out of that mindset.

What was his degree in?

Smilebehappy123 · 22/04/2020 19:29

My husband son is exactly same , 22 year old finished uni last year and has never had a job since
Wants a job in his field or nothing, doesn't seem to be anything in his field even pre Covid, lives with his mother thank god. Lovely lad really is and we get on fantastically but fucking hell he is really lazy. I worked in a lesser field following my degree until I could land that dream job which thankfully the year after I did

BigChocFrenzy · 22/04/2020 19:31

Of course it would be much better to get a job at the level he trained for

but if he can't, then it's outrageous to sponge on his parents
because he's too snooty to accept an ordinary job that millions of other people do

"a job that was beneath him" 🤦🏻‍♀️
No such thing

Honest work is always better than sponging and free-loading

Luddite26 · 22/04/2020 19:35

10 pages and the OP hasn'tbothered replying whats the point in this ? has he got a better degree than OP and she's jealous. Quite rude.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 22/04/2020 19:36

a gap in employment on c.v isn't very desirable to recruiters

It’s really no big deal to graduate recruiters if someone doesn’t start work until after the end of the year in which they graduate. And that is without a Covid lockdown going on.

Powerlessstepmum · 22/04/2020 19:38

It ought to be beneath him to sponge off others! A

blueshoes · 22/04/2020 19:41

OP not bothered to come back to tell us what degree/field her brother is in?

Jack80 · 22/04/2020 19:47

A job is a job for my he may need experience on his CV it's not forever tell him your mum works in a job she doesn't particularly like and needs to for money for bills

MaderiaCycle · 22/04/2020 20:08

I don’t think she’s coming back....

ChrissieKeller61 · 22/04/2020 20:10

Well I wouldn’t do a menial job either mainly because I don’t think I’d be very good at it and I don’t have to. I prefer not to be homeless but there’s plenty of otter options in between

Alsohuman · 22/04/2020 20:11

What are those options?

ChrissieKeller61 · 22/04/2020 20:38

Working got someone else is not the only way to make money. If I told you you’d all get going it lessen my share of the pie but a “job” is not the only answer.

ToftyAC · 22/04/2020 20:42

Come back OP........

Bignanny30 · 22/04/2020 20:45

And what's wrong with shelf stacking. If it wasn't for the shelf stackers, risking their own health at the moment to keep us all fed - what would we do ???? I think the shelf stackers are better than him not below him!

Lucyccfc68 · 22/04/2020 21:01

I am responsible for recruiting graduates and apprentices at work.

I recently advertised a degree apprenticeship role and had over 150 applications. I have a short list of 20 for first interviews and every single one of them have had some sort of employment (mainly part time). I won't short list or interview anyone unless they have some work experience.

The jobs have ranged from bar work, shelf stacking, waiting on, refereeing and call centre work.

I need to know that someone gets the concept of what a workplace is like, being able to get their backside out of bed and into work on time and being prepared to have a go at anything.

I only had one complaint from someone who wasn't shortlisted. They had no part time job through college or Uni (Russell Group Uni with a first) and has applied for a degree apprenticeship in a different field as they have not had a job since leaving Uni 2 years ago. When I asked why they had never worked, they said they weren't prepared to have taken 'any old job' because they had a first from a prestigious Uni! I told them I was right in my decision not to short list them, as they had completely the wrong attitude. My advice to him was to go and get some real life work experience and then I might consider them next year. He put the phone down on me. My guess is the work shy, arrogant idiot will be out of work for a long time to come.

Changeofname79 · 22/04/2020 21:06

Wow, I definitely agree with you and your dad. My DH is a Financial Controller and has been furloughed. He is now working at Tesco temporarily. No job should be beneath anyone.

YE420032c · 22/04/2020 21:21

Gaps in a CV sometimes imply that one was in prison! Better to be able to say you flipped burgers or stacked shelves. At least these are honest jobs.