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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother refusing to get a job that is beneath him

300 replies

GettingFatterByTheDay · 21/04/2020 13:31

My brother is just about to finish uni and is due to move back home. He does not have a job and has outright admitted that he has no intentions of getting one unless it’s in the field he studied for. He said he will not waste his time working as a shelf stacker. Because of this my dad is reluctant to let him come home as he has just taken a massive pay cut and may lose his own job. My mum is working extra hours in a job she doesn’t particularly love either to keep them afloat. Mum feels guilty telling him he can’t go home and wants me to agree with her due to the current situation but his attitude stinks. He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him” and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on. AIBU to agree with my dad here? Times are hard for everyone right now, I doubt many people are living the life of Riley at the minute!! Either he gets a job, any job or should live elsewhere surely?

OP posts:
Alwaysfrank · 21/04/2020 17:13

Haven't read the full thread but my son came home from uni on the Sunday, was interviewed on Monday and started a part time supermarket job the following day. He was thrilled. So was I. Your brother is being very foolish in the current climate.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/04/2020 17:18

Sadly it’s not uncommon. Many would rather not work than take any job to support themselves. Employers want to see a work ethic.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2020 17:21

He’s obviously studied hard enough to get his qualifications. Which qualify him to do what exactly? Most degrees are not vocational qualifications. If he has done a vocational course and emerged with a professional qualification, that's a different picture.

CoronaIsShit · 21/04/2020 17:26

DD graduated last year and worked part time all through Uni of her own accord. We actually thought she was working too much! Her best paid job was working nights stacking shelves at Tesco, well over a grand a month. She didn’t mind it was nights as she was up all night out clubbing and slept in the day anyway (this was in summer hols). She had quite a few jobs on her CV by the time she started looking for a full time one, and good people skills from all the interactions she’d had in her jobs so landed her dream job in London really quickly. Currently on fully paid furlough until June after only 5 months into the job!

Your brother may just be talking shit because he hasn’t lived in the the real world yet. He’ll wise up pretty quickly when he realises he hasn’t got any money. I wouldn’t refuse to have him home in your parents situation. Where’s he going to realistically? It will be difficult to get any job in our current situation. Our local Tesco had over 100 applications for 5 jobs a few weeks ago. He needs to keep quiet, sign on, give your parents some of it, apply for jobs but not expect a penny from your parents. Your Dad sounds extremely harsh!

LIZS · 21/04/2020 17:27

Good luck to him. Ds graduated last year and has yet to find paid work in his chosen field, anything related or menial. Circumstances in the job market have meant recruitment has proved difficult. Most of the supermarket jobs round here expect very early starts , impossible if you rely on public transport. So it may not be as easy as anticipated unless he has a directly vocational career path.

HeimdallSaysNo · 21/04/2020 17:28

Covid-19 or not, OP's brother has a poor attitude. I would take any job, to keep the money coming in, and keep applying for jobs in the field of expertise until something in said field comes along. It'll be entry level, but if he works hard, networks, and brings in results he will gain the respect of his peers and progress. If he just thinks the ideal position just arrives in his lap, he's in for a nasty shock.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 21/04/2020 17:31

if he works hard, networks, and brings in results he will gain the respect of his peers and progress. If he just thinks the ideal position just arrives in his lap, he's in for a nasty shock.

Nowhere in her post has OP said that her brother thinks the ideal job will just land in his lap. She hasn’t said a thing about what he’s doing to find a job in his field, just that he won’t take a job outside his field. People are jumping to an awful lot of conclusions here! (not helped by OP not coming back).

mbosnz · 21/04/2020 17:32

His attitude shows how very lacking in real life experience and understanding he has, which is a shame. If I were your parents I'd be saying to him that he can come home and if he hasn't got a job within a month, he'll be getting real time/real life experience of being homeless and unemployed, as he'll be out on his ear. If you want to enjoy the roof over your head as an adult, and the food in your belly, you contribute to it. And I'd bloody mean it too.

Fespital · 21/04/2020 17:51

My DH had this attitude when I first met him (unemployed living in his old bedroom what a catch!) Obviously I soon woke him up and he found a career job within a few months after 2+ years of unemployment. However he is still earning almost half what I do (FT vs FT) and when you take my PT into account I still earn more than his FT salary. But he's in a career he loves. So I put him to good use doing 50:50 work in the house/family. With your DB's attitude it's unlikely he'll get far in life unless someone comes along and kicks him up the arse about his attitude. That could be you! His attitude stinks.

Hoarder123 · 21/04/2020 17:54

@ArgumentativeAardvaark He got the bank job about 9 months after trying to get a job in the law sector. He still continued looking for another year, until he had his first promotion at the bank job and was put on their young talent course (can’t remember proper title), which pretty much guaranteed that he would rise the promotion ladder.

LakieLady · 21/04/2020 18:13

My friend's son went to work in Aldi after doing his degree. He's still only in his early 30s and he's an area manager on a salary of £50k plus.

If he'd stuck to only doing work in the field he got his degree in, he'd almost certainly be unemployed. He did a drama degree!

JingsMahBucket · 21/04/2020 19:55

@LakieLady that’s a bit sad too though. Did he ever do anything else in the arts like amateur theatre, etc?

FelipeFlop · 21/04/2020 20:00

I worked as a cleaner in a nursing home when I had a post-grad so I’m definitely on your side. What’s beneath me is taking hand outs and sponging when I have the option not to.

Christmastreedown · 21/04/2020 20:07

Unless he is a total charmer, well spoken and have excellent grades from the best university then without experience, he won't get anything in his expectation. My friend/ex colleague have the same attitude, guess what, he has been unemployed since 2011, his CV gap is too big to "recover", he saids this has ruined his life (we warned him many times before it was too late).

Lolliloo1234 · 21/04/2020 20:11

I PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON!

He’s being entitled and it’s gross.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 21/04/2020 21:45

Unless he is a total charmer, well spoken and have excellent grades from the best university then without experience, he won't get anything in his expectation. My friend/ex colleague have the same attitude, guess what, he has been unemployed since 2011, his CV gap is too big to "recover", he saids this has ruined his life (we warned him many times before it was too late).

@Christmastreedown you have absolutely no idea what OP’s brother’s field is, or how competent he is! For all we know he could have come top of his year in computer science at Cambridge.

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/04/2020 22:32

He’s told her he’d rather be homeless than work in a shit job that is “below him”
Well if he doesn't want to pay for the roof above his head or other basic necessities when he is clearly able to - then why should your dad?

and be eternally unhappy laying the guilt trip on
Only if you allow him to.
Set your boundaries - no lending money or 'rescuing'.
He can do what he wants in his own place.
Your mum has probably enabled this attitude in him, nothing is 'good enough' for him and always 'rescuing' him.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 21/04/2020 23:11

I've been hiring manager for hundreds of roles including entry level, graduate schemes and senior roles.

I don't hire anyone who has no work experience anymore. Too many people straight from uni who have never held down any kind of paid employment ended up being a let down. Even a part time or Saturday job shows a commitment to a company, an understanding of organisation structure, timekeeping etc

His career aspirations would be benefitted by having a job that's 'beneath him' as long as he has the drive to do well at it.

KatherineJaneway · 22/04/2020 06:48

I remember I worked with someone like your brother. She was a graduate who couldn't get a job and decided to work in retail in the meant.

I asked her to polish the cabinets of the jewellery counters, reasonable request and a job we all did and she should do as shop floor staff. She looked at me aghast and said 'But I'm an architect!'. I told her I didn't care what she thought she was, she was working in retail now and she needed to polish cabinets, put stock out, help customers etc just like everyone else. She didn't last long.

DeathByBoredom · 22/04/2020 06:49

We don't know what he trained in yet?

My bet is dentistry. All the dentists are closed and he doesn't fancy working in aldi for a month. Whatevs.

topcat2014 · 22/04/2020 07:00

I am chair of governors in a school. The head and I worked together in a shop 20 years ago.

Bluesheep8 · 22/04/2020 07:02

So we still don't know the university of the degree?

RibenaMonsoon · 22/04/2020 07:30

My cousin was the same. Studied media in university and assumed she would walk straight into the BBC as a cameraman. When she didn't get the job, (there were others who interviewed with the same qualifications but with actual experience as well). No they absolutely couldn't have been better than her and the interviewer just didn't see her brilliance .

Got her a temporary job in the industry I worked for and she constantly referred to it as a dead end job. (Which my mum pointed out was extremely insulting to myself and DH who also worked in that "dead end job". )

To this day she still doesn't work in the field she wants as she didn't want to do what was necessary to get the experience required. As that journey was "beneath her". So she's still slogging along in what she would describe as "dead end jobs". Constantly complaining that no one sees her awesomeness and blaming her circumstances/other people for not getting her dream job. If she had done some freelance work or worked her way up from a lower position, she would be where she wanted by now. The irony.
I'm sorry for that rant. It's nice to vent.

I agree with you and your dad. If they are struggling as it is, another mouth to feed and a lazy attitude of a job being beneath them is just going to put more stress on them. They are working in jobs they don't enjoy, he can too. He's an adult and needs to be introduced to the real world.

Rubyupbeat · 22/04/2020 07:55

@Toomboom this is so very true. The key workers are who are keeping this country going.....that includes the shelf stackers .

billy1966 · 22/04/2020 08:32

With an attitude like that, he will bring nothing but stress to your parent's home.

It doesn't sound as if your parents need additional stress at tge moment. Who does?

Back your father and explain to your mother that they don't need Lord Fonteroy staying if he's not prepared to pitch in.

There is a world recession upon us and things are going to challenging for a year or two.