AIBU to ask about the house? (sensitive)

[tawnygrisettes]

Please help me to decide what to do.

My parents have lived in a small row of houses in a quiet semi-rural area for about 18 years, since we all moved there together as a family when my brother and I were in our teens. My brother and I have both been gone from the house for quite a number of years, however after I fled my abusive ex-husband with our baby about 18 months ago, I moved back to the area with my now 2-year old son, and I now rent a house a couple of villages away.

Last summer, the elderly lady who lived next door to my parents sadly passed away. She had always lived there although we didn't know her very well, she was lovely to speak to but she kept herself to herself IYKWIM. Nothing as far as I'm aware has happened with the house since then - it's still fully furnished etc., although her adult children have been round a few times. But recently I've started thinking how perfect it would be for us. I'm so dependent on my parents right now for support with my son, so we need that physical proximity, and looking to the future, there will come a time when my parents need support too. It's also just a lovely little house with a garden, I really think we'd be happy there as a forever home.

It's not for sale I'm not currently in a position to buy anyway - and won't be for at least a couple of years. And I have no idea what her children would like to do with the house or what stage probate is at or anything. But presumably council tax will be payable on it at some point etc. and it would be beneficial for it to be in use.

Would it be completely unreasonable and insensitive to put a note through the door to reiterate condolences, but also say that I'd be very interested in renting the house if they would ever like to go down that route - potentially with a view to purchasing in the future - and leave my phone number? If not, how would you word it not to sound insensitive?

A carefully, nicely worded note through the door is exactly the right way to go.

There could well be multiple siblings involved in the process - a note / letter gives more chance that the right people will be made aware of your enquiry than a conversation.

Not quite the same thing, but -a fair amount of time after my parents passed away, we had a note through the door about some unique garden ornaments.
The note writer expressed their admiration for them and interest in them very nicely should we ever come to sell them (and we did, to them).

My DH and I did this when the house next door to my parents came up for sale. The lady had moved into a fold and the children only checked on the house very randomly. We wrote a letter explaining our situation and also that we didn't want to be brazen or rude considering their circumstances but left our number so they could contact us if it was going to be put on the market. And they did about 4 weeks later.
Unfortunately once we viewed the house it needed more work than we anticipated but we thanked them for taking the time to contact us.
I don't think it would be rude as long as you word it right

I've not read the full thread, but my grandfather's neighbour approached my dad about buying their bungalow at my grandfather's funeral. It was actually quite nice to get everything sorted promptly rather than having it sat empty and on the market.

Absolutely fine. You don't get if you don't ask! It's been almost a year after all.
However, in your approach you should explain that your love to buy it if it becomes available in the future so could they give you first refusal.

That's how I now own the house I'm in, I think as long as am appropriate amount of time has passed then it's ok to ask.
I was so nervous to ask as like you I was worried but I wasn't even the first to ask.
What he liked about me was my little family reminded him of when his parents bought the house.
One of the neighbours apparently asked him the day he was clearing out his dads clothes to charity.- now that was inappropriate!

Definitely ask, nothing wrong with a polite enquiry.

You could ask , it may have taken a long time going through probate , my dads solicitor really dragged his heels and now we may well lose the sale we have got . It may well need a lot of updating though and they may not wish to do this .

That's absolutely fine, go with it OP!

I would be, if anything, touched to get the kind of note Blueladybird suggests.

Certainly no suggestion of vultures here.

I think you should definitely ask, sensitively and with no expectations if that makes sense. When I had to sell my Mum’s house we took over a year to do so, and eventually sold it to someone who knew it would be coming on the market and approached us so we completed the sale privately. They would have happily rented it from us first but we wanted to take our time letting it go ( it had been in our family for over 70 years) and also - as another poster has said - renting involves lots of conditions and safety regulations. They might know in their heart of hearts that it has to be sold but just not be quite ready to do so. Knowing you would be interested could be exactly what they are hoping for.

Did you ask?

As PP said

• I don't see a problem with it, as long as it's sensitively and pragmatically expressed.

However, have you spoken to your parents about you potentially living next door?*