AIBU to ask about the house? (sensitive)

[tawnygrisettes]

Please help me to decide what to do.

My parents have lived in a small row of houses in a quiet semi-rural area for about 18 years, since we all moved there together as a family when my brother and I were in our teens. My brother and I have both been gone from the house for quite a number of years, however after I fled my abusive ex-husband with our baby about 18 months ago, I moved back to the area with my now 2-year old son, and I now rent a house a couple of villages away.

Last summer, the elderly lady who lived next door to my parents sadly passed away. She had always lived there although we didn't know her very well, she was lovely to speak to but she kept herself to herself IYKWIM. Nothing as far as I'm aware has happened with the house since then - it's still fully furnished etc., although her adult children have been round a few times. But recently I've started thinking how perfect it would be for us. I'm so dependent on my parents right now for support with my son, so we need that physical proximity, and looking to the future, there will come a time when my parents need support too. It's also just a lovely little house with a garden, I really think we'd be happy there as a forever home.

It's not for sale I'm not currently in a position to buy anyway - and won't be for at least a couple of years. And I have no idea what her children would like to do with the house or what stage probate is at or anything. But presumably council tax will be payable on it at some point etc. and it would be beneficial for it to be in use.

Would it be completely unreasonable and insensitive to put a note through the door to reiterate condolences, but also say that I'd be very interested in renting the house if they would ever like to go down that route - potentially with a view to purchasing in the future - and leave my phone number? If not, how would you word it not to sound insensitive?

I’d be with the majority, write that note! My elderly mum is in a nursing home with dementia, and her house was empty. A friend of SiL contacted us to see if we would rent to her as she was splitting up with her husband. It’s a great solution, rent goes into Mum’s account, the house is better occupied and she is a great reliable tenant.

Years ago when my mum and dad were thinking of downsizing but hadn’t put the house on the market, someone put a note through the door saying they were looking to buy in the area. They got in touch and sold without estate agent fees, it all worked beautifully.

Definitely ask. The heirs might be too busy/stressed/upset to get anything sorted out, and jump at the chance. At worst they'll ignore you.

I think it’s a good idea and could actually be really helpful to them as if they are thinking of letting / selling it they now have someone ready and keen! I don’t think it is remotely vulture-like, which implied you were relishing her death and feasting off her belongings - rather insulting to you!

I’d 100% do the note -my mum has got two houses over the years this way.

For all you know they may be desperate to get rid of it once the legal stuff is over and really grateful to have an interested buyer.

Do it, sounds ideal. They might want to clear it of her stuff, is the only thing, although tbh, after taking one ornament from my mil’s house, my dh just got in house clearance people. He wanted nothing.

We are doing up my late parents' home for sale, and I would not be offended at all if someone left a note like you are suggesting.

Write the note. You will always wonder if not. Don't see it being a vulture at all. I like the one blue did. It's not offensive at all. If they are not interested they can just ignore it.

It would have been insensitive to ask the day after she does. A few months down the line- why not? We keep on getting leaflets and letters from estate agents asking if we want to sell, they have no clue about people's circumstances. Maybe they want to live there themselves or keep as a summer second home, but you won't know until you ask.

We have my late grandmothers house up for sale at the moment and a neighbour approached my mum expressing interest for their mum. We were delighted!

It was a lovely thought that it would go to someone who knew and liked my Nan, and would benefit from it and not just spin it as a development opportunity. Corona has put the kibosh on it for the moment, but I'd say go for it. Good luck

Definitely ask. Imagine how gutted you’d be if you don’t and then they rent it out to someone else! As long as you word your note sensitively the worst that can happen is that they say no.

It makes perfect sense to me. A polite note saying ‘I’m x, the daughter of Mr and `Mrs X who live next door at number 2. I don’t know what your plans are at the moment but if you are considering renting the house I would be very interested’ And give contact details. They may or may not respond but at least you’ve given it a shot.

It’s not vulture-like at all. You’ve left a very decent interval and you aren’t looking for something for nothing. It could be mutually beneficial.

A polite and sensitively worded note of inquiry is fine and not at all 'vulture' like. Incidentally ppl often put notes through doors inquiring if a house owner is sellingand in some cases with a successful result. It's not always possible to know what the circumstances of the owners are. Who knows, in your case, the owners might be very happy to have a ready-made solution to a question they may be wondering aboutie "what do we do with this house now?"

I think it's ok to ask.

What would make you feel worse? Asking and getting a NO or not asking and watching someone else potentially move in and start renting the house?

I think it would be good if your parents could ask too rather than leaving a note though.

You could get your parents to ask next time one of the family pop round..

Ask politely. You have nothing to lose .

I agree with others that it's a good idea. I'm in a similar position (I've found myself with an extra house that's a bit of a burden more than anything) and I'd love it if somebody popped a note through the door, effectively solving my headache!

So do it, and just word it sensitively as you did above. I can't see that it would cause harm. I'd mention your close connections too, that could help.

I think I'd do a note rather than ask in person. It could be awkward for them if they are put on spot eg if will being challenged.

YANBU, my family were pleased to get offers for the house from neighbors shortly after my grandmother passed as they needed to get rid of it and were happy there was interest. They were sad to sell it as it was their childhood home, but needed to be done either way. As you have a personal reason for wanting to live there and want to raise your child there that might be quite nice for them -- much preferable to it being bought to be done up as a BTL or by a developer, etc.

Do you know for a fact that someone visits the property regularly and will retrieve the note? We had this situation with a relative’s home after they went into care. We live some distance from the property so weren’t visiting it often. The person who wanted the house wrote a note but put it in the regular mail and we received it because we had a Royal Mail postal redirection in place.

Do it. If it's something that suits them, you'll have saved them a lot of work. If it isn't, they'll say no, but I can't see any reason for them to be offended. When someone dies, there's a lot of work sorting out their property. A simple solution to one problem might be very welcome.

I wonder why they haven't put it up for sale before now?

It could just be something practical maybe, like they're thinking 'oh Christ, we'll have to rip out the kitchen, change the carpets etc' and they just don't have the motivation. That can be a real obstacle with moving a property forwards. Sometimes, especially if there's little or no mortgage to pay, it's easy to think that you'll start on it next week. Not speaking from experience or anything, obvs

Definitely ask. After my father died, my mother had a near fatal fall and had to go into a care home, we hoped just short term but it ended up being permanent. We had to clear out and sell the house. Neighbours came and asked us if we would sell to them, and we happily did, we didn’t put the house on the market at all.
I really think enough time has passed for you not to sound at all insensitive. Asking at the funeral would be insensitive, asking almost a year later is pragmatic and perfectly reasonable.

There's no reason to not ask. It's absolutely fine.

Having been in a similar position with my dad's house, I'd say go for it! It was a huge worry to me sitting empty and we ended up selling it to someone who put a note through the door - we'd shaken hands on the full asking price half an hour after we read the note! As long as you word it sensitively and with no pressure, it's fine.

I don't think there's any harm in asking. It's been a while and they might even be glad of someone helping them to make a decision with what to do with it.