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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about the house? (sensitive)

136 replies

tawnygrisettes · 21/04/2020 12:18

Please help me to decide what to do.

My parents have lived in a small row of houses in a quiet semi-rural area for about 18 years, since we all moved there together as a family when my brother and I were in our teens. My brother and I have both been gone from the house for quite a number of years, however after I fled my abusive ex-husband with our baby about 18 months ago, I moved back to the area with my now 2-year old son, and I now rent a house a couple of villages away.

Last summer, the elderly lady who lived next door to my parents sadly passed away. She had always lived there although we didn't know her very well, she was lovely to speak to but she kept herself to herself IYKWIM. Nothing as far as I'm aware has happened with the house since then - it's still fully furnished etc., although her adult children have been round a few times. But recently I've started thinking how perfect it would be for us. I'm so dependent on my parents right now for support with my son, so we need that physical proximity, and looking to the future, there will come a time when my parents need support too. It's also just a lovely little house with a garden, I really think we'd be happy there as a forever home.

It's not for sale I'm not currently in a position to buy anyway - and won't be for at least a couple of years. And I have no idea what her children would like to do with the house or what stage probate is at or anything. But presumably council tax will be payable on it at some point etc. and it would be beneficial for it to be in use.

Would it be completely unreasonable and insensitive to put a note through the door to reiterate condolences, but also say that I'd be very interested in renting the house if they would ever like to go down that route - potentially with a view to purchasing in the future - and leave my phone number? If not, how would you word it not to sound insensitive?

OP posts:
8by8 · 21/04/2020 12:59

I think it’s fine. You’ve waited a respectful length of time before asking them.

Ulver · 21/04/2020 13:01

Do it. My parents bought a house in a desirable street by posting a letter through the door. It wasn’t on the market.
Many people would prefer to avoid estate agents fees.
If you do rent do sign a proper contract though.

HollowTalk · 21/04/2020 13:01

I wonder why they haven't put it up for sale before now?

I think it would be absolutely fine to do this, as long as your parents would be happy with you living next door!

sadie9 · 21/04/2020 13:01

So my point is, it is not 'beneficial' for the house to be in use really.
Stop thinking that you are doing them a favour. The only favour you will do them is to buy the house at a market price.
From a legal perspective it's beneficial for the house to remain empty.
Not to piss on your chips but if you want to live near your mother, rent a house near your mother. Then see what happens.

Lampan · 21/04/2020 13:02

You never know, they may be glad of the opportunity to rent/sell it to someone who definitely wants to live there, knows the area etc. You are probably less likely to mess them around than a random buyer/renter.
Just do a sensitive note (the one suggested above is good) and promise yourself that you won’t be too upset/disappointed/annoyed if they say no, as they may already have plans for it, or may be hanging onto it for sentimental reasons.

Lemonblast · 21/04/2020 13:02

It’s totally fine to ask.
And given that we are on the verge of a huge economic downturn it may be a perfect solution for them if they were considering putting it on the market.

isittheholidaysyet · 21/04/2020 13:03

That's what my sister did when our DP's elderly neighbours died. (We knew the neighbours well, but not the family)

The family was so glad to sell to someone they knew would care for it and were invested in the area.
Also to not have to go through the hassle of estate agents and viewing etc.

She was buying at market rate though.

Ask with sensitivity, but go for it.

mrsbyers · 21/04/2020 13:06

They’re probably waiting for probate and then one of them will need to live in it for six months as main residence to avoid tax hit - deffo drop them a letter

Alsohuman · 21/04/2020 13:07

So my point is, it is not 'beneficial' for the house to be in use really

It most definitely is, especially in the winter. Unoccupied, unheated houses deteriorate at an alarming rate.

chocatoo · 21/04/2020 13:08

I think it's a great idea. Not vulture-like in the slightest. If I was the offspring, I would be pleased to have the opportunity to easily rent it to someone I know. Good luck!

goodbyestranger · 21/04/2020 13:09

This happens frequently in our village. The lady died nearly a year ago, it would be completely fine to write a note. The house sounds perfect for you. Good luck.

TokyoSushi · 21/04/2020 13:09

Totally fine to ask, @BlueLadybird note is perfect.

I wouldn't delay though imagine how annoyed you'd be if they rented it to somebody else soon!

Genevieva · 21/04/2020 13:10

They won't need to live in it for six months. Capital gains tax for second homes doesn't apply when selling assets from a deceased person's estate.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 21/04/2020 13:11

Seems perfectly reasonable to ask. You'd have to work hard to take offence at a polite question about whether they have plans to sell or let the house, surely?

MiniCooperLover · 21/04/2020 13:11

It's been almost a year, it's fine to approach them !! Emphasise the house is next door to family, etc. and that may appeal to them.

Jux · 21/04/2020 13:14

I think enough time has passed for her children not to be upset by an enquiry, and to be making decisions about it; they may just think renting it out now will allow them to put off making a final decision, especially if one wants to do one thing and the other wants to do another.

You may not get it forever though. Be prepared for that.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/04/2020 13:15

Given that the lady died last summer I’m sure a gently worded note would be fine.

They can only say no - I don’t see how they could take offence. However if you’re not in a position to buy it at the moment, that could be a problem, if they need/want to sell in order to distribute legacies under the terms of the will.

Amber0685 · 21/04/2020 13:15

My parents had a neighbours child, ask to let them know if they were ever selling. They weren't offended.

Original poster
tawnygrisettes · 21/04/2020 13:17

Sadie, when did I say I thought I was doing anyone a favour? Why do you think I believe that? I was just polling for opinions on the situation - why do you think I have this attitude?

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 21/04/2020 13:17

My Dsis did just this after Christmas.

She is moving next door to me as the old lady who lived there passed away in November.

I did know that her children were going to put it on the market however and mentioned it to them when they were house clearing.

They were actually really pleased as they have known us for 60+ years and want it to go to someone who they know that will appreciate it.

They didn't put it on the market, it has all been arranged privately.

No harm in asking OP.

Zombiemum1946 · 21/04/2020 13:18

I would suggest you ask your parents about the state of it though. Things like the windows , the roof, the gutters and the general condition of the brick work. If the outside has been maintained the inside might been in reasonable condition. Whilst it would be great in terms of being next door to your parents, you don't want to be stuck in a house with numerous problems.

hesgotit · 21/04/2020 13:18

@tawnygrisettes this happened with my mums flat, someone in the block was renting and their landlord wanted to sell, so she put a not through the door. It worked perfectly for everyone.

Do it!

LEELULUMPKIN · 21/04/2020 13:19

I forgot to say, however that my Dsis was in a position to make a cash purchase.

That may have altered things drastically.

gamerchick · 21/04/2020 13:21

Shy bairns get nowt imo. Absolutely no harm in asking.

hesgotit · 21/04/2020 13:23

@sadie9 why is it beneficial for the house to be empty?