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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel so hurt?

118 replies

ZiaMcnab · 20/04/2020 16:22

My DP and I have been together for almost 2.5 years, having met online. We're both in our early 40s, he's been married before and has 2 DCs, I haven't, and have none. We both own our own homes, and live about 6 miles away from each other, I live alone (with a cat!), he has his DC part time (he works shifts, so it's not regular, but it's about 50% of the time).

We didn't see each other for the 1st 10 days of lockdown, trying to be good citizens, but it got too difficult (we have a very active sex life, amongst other things!) so he suggested I go over and then stay at his, which I did on 28th March. I stayed for about 2.5 weeks, only popping home twice (by bicycle, so no risk of infecting others!) to sort out the cat. It was pretty fine living together, considering, except for one thing: he refuses to kiss me! No other sexual activity has stopped. Well, I've refused to give him any bj's since he introduced that rule, obviously! And he's always refused to go down on me, but apart from that, full sex life has continued, just without any kissing on the lips.

He says it's because he's worried about me giving it to him - which annoys me, because I literally see no one apart from him, his kids & my cat, and I wash my hands assiduously & frequently - and about him giving it to me (he's a frontline police officer). My main counter point is that it's ridiculous when we're having sex and sleeping in the same way, as we're just as likely to pass it to each other that way as we are kissing. He says he really wants to kiss me, but I just can't believe him, and it's putting a real wedge between us because I feel that if he really did want to kiss me, he would, and this can only be an excuse, but that's because his rationale makes no sense at all to me and I can't believe he really thinks it?

So, AIBU to feel to angry and hurt, or does anyone else also think that kissing is much more risky than any other interaction?! Is anyone else interacting with their partner differently since this how covid-19 business started?! Sad

OP posts:
Corrag · 20/04/2020 16:29

YABU to ignore the lockdown guidelines by travelling between households.

YABU to leave your cat for 2.5 weeks and only travel back to "see to" it a couple of times.

picklejimmy · 20/04/2020 16:37

Your poor cat

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 20/04/2020 16:38

YABU for breaking the rules about mixing households.

You couldn't have not seen him for the first 10 days then gone to his on 28th March. Lockdown wasn't announced until the evening of Monday 23rd March. YABU for not being able to count. Grin

YABU for only going back to see to your cat twice in a 2.5 week period.

As for the lack of kissing, he is an idiot if he doesn't realise that when you are close enough to have sex, you are both close enough to ingest any virus the other may have.

artistformerlyknownas · 20/04/2020 16:38

@Corrag I also thought that - 2 visits in 17 days? Poor cat.

ExclamationPerfume · 20/04/2020 16:38

You shouldn't have an animal if you are going to leave it for that long. Unless you had someone going in every day.

gobbynorthernbird · 20/04/2020 16:39

Fucking hell. You've sacked off a living being that you are solely responsible for to have a shag and this is what you are worried about?

edwinbear · 20/04/2020 16:39

You left your cat for 2.5 weeks and only went back to check on it twice?? Shock

BovaryX · 20/04/2020 16:41

You left your cat alone for two and a half weeks? Really irresponsible, selfish behaviour. If you can't take care of a pet, don't get one.

foodandwine89 · 20/04/2020 16:42

Leave him for being a total fucking moron. I could not daye a 40 year old man that is so thick. No respect whatsoever.

Go back to your poor cat.

bettybattenburg · 20/04/2020 16:42

YABU to neglect your cat and to break the rules.
I couldn't care less about the rest - your cat is your responsibility and to neglect it so you can go and have sex with a man who doesn't really sound like he values being with you (or any man for that matter) is pathetic.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 16:42

Right so I'm risking my life day in day out going to work in the NHS as a Nurse whilst selfish idiotic desperate for a shag people like you think it's actually OK to break the guidelines?!! Omg I can't write here what I think of you with out it being deleted but if I could I would use the words selfish again and cunt.

fivesecondrule · 20/04/2020 16:43

How has a front line police officer not had a proper briefing about transmission. Are you having sex in a hazmat suit?

You should rehome your cat it deserves more than being fed a couple of times in 2 weeks. Does it even have access to enough clean water's been incredibly warm?

motherheroic · 20/04/2020 16:43

Practically abandoning your cat for a man who won't kiss or go down on you? Hmmm.

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 20/04/2020 16:43

Don't care about your relationship.

Your poor fucking cat on the other hand

LaurieFairyCake · 20/04/2020 16:44

Also couldn't give a flying fuck about your sex life

But your poor cat SadSadSad

pussycatinboots · 20/04/2020 16:45

^check the user name

Poor cat, and ditch the plod, he's obviously an idiot (mixing households)

Toilenstripes · 20/04/2020 16:45

You put sex before the care and feeding of your cat. Honestly, I don’t care if your feelings are hurt by your partner. Wtaf?

Atleastthedoglovesme · 20/04/2020 16:47

Can't focus on the question because I'm too concerned about your cat. You are an awful pet owner!

Ihavenoregrets · 20/04/2020 16:48

What a lovely post Hmm

SharonasCorona · 20/04/2020 16:48

So he expects BJs but won't reciprocate? And you're with him why?

SomewhereInbetween1 · 20/04/2020 16:49

You've prioritised having sex over looking after your pet? If I wasn't absolutely convinced you were a troll I'd be incandescent.

WilheldivaHater · 20/04/2020 16:49

Poor cat! How can you leave a living creature alone for that long?

Move back to your house, obey the lockdown rules, break up with him for being an idiot, and take better care of your pets!

bettybattenburg · 20/04/2020 16:49

Are you having sex in a hazmat suit?

I don't think that the OP was planning on being forthcoming about whatever fetish she and her DP have.

PotholePalace · 20/04/2020 16:50

If you're living in the same house, breathing the same air, touching the same light switches etc, you could infect each other. But I am also concerned about your cat.

PennyGold · 20/04/2020 16:51

This reply has been deleted

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