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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel so hurt?

118 replies

ZiaMcnab · 20/04/2020 16:22

My DP and I have been together for almost 2.5 years, having met online. We're both in our early 40s, he's been married before and has 2 DCs, I haven't, and have none. We both own our own homes, and live about 6 miles away from each other, I live alone (with a cat!), he has his DC part time (he works shifts, so it's not regular, but it's about 50% of the time).

We didn't see each other for the 1st 10 days of lockdown, trying to be good citizens, but it got too difficult (we have a very active sex life, amongst other things!) so he suggested I go over and then stay at his, which I did on 28th March. I stayed for about 2.5 weeks, only popping home twice (by bicycle, so no risk of infecting others!) to sort out the cat. It was pretty fine living together, considering, except for one thing: he refuses to kiss me! No other sexual activity has stopped. Well, I've refused to give him any bj's since he introduced that rule, obviously! And he's always refused to go down on me, but apart from that, full sex life has continued, just without any kissing on the lips.

He says it's because he's worried about me giving it to him - which annoys me, because I literally see no one apart from him, his kids & my cat, and I wash my hands assiduously & frequently - and about him giving it to me (he's a frontline police officer). My main counter point is that it's ridiculous when we're having sex and sleeping in the same way, as we're just as likely to pass it to each other that way as we are kissing. He says he really wants to kiss me, but I just can't believe him, and it's putting a real wedge between us because I feel that if he really did want to kiss me, he would, and this can only be an excuse, but that's because his rationale makes no sense at all to me and I can't believe he really thinks it?

So, AIBU to feel to angry and hurt, or does anyone else also think that kissing is much more risky than any other interaction?! Is anyone else interacting with their partner differently since this how covid-19 business started?! Sad

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 20/04/2020 20:06

your DP is silly and selfish. Expects more from you than what he is willing to give.

This. You're making loads of compromises, he gets things the way that suits him. Why can't he come to yours when his kids aren't there (and is he still having them 50% of the time?) You're settling for not very much.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 20:09

really didn't think it would be that big a deal when I'm not going on public transport, or interacting with anyone apart from my DP, but I have to acknowledge I was just allowing myself to believe that cos it was nicer for me; lesson learnt, sorry

You didn't think breaking the official guidelines and risking your own life and those of others was a big deal? Hmm

Triggahippy · 20/04/2020 20:10

Weird he won’t kiss you. Really sorry to suggest this but could it be that he is interested in sex, but not in you. That would explain the wanting sexual gratification but not wanting to kiss you or give you the same. I’m wondering if he’s not as into your as you are to him

FelipeFlop · 20/04/2020 20:14

You’re a pair of cretins. People are DYING because of the selfishness of idiots like you thinking you don’t need to follow the rules because you’re somehow special.

ANoiseAnnoys · 20/04/2020 20:15

Putting aside all the cat business - your DP sounds a bit thick tbh. He thinks he can have sex with you, share a house and a bed with you etc but will prevent himself from catching it by not kissing you?

I would dump him for his lack of brain cells alone!

FelipeFlop · 20/04/2020 20:23

My husband just told me ‘cretin’ is offensive as it refers to a medical condition, so do I apologise for that because I fight know. I still think you’re selfish for acting as if the rules don’t apply to you, only to everyone else. Lots of us are pretty sure we don’t have the virus because we only ever go to the shops and keep a safe distance...but we still follow the rules because that’s the collective way to stop the virus spreading.

FelipeFlop · 20/04/2020 20:24

*didn’t, not fight.

Seetheprettysnowdrops · 20/04/2020 20:28

How can a front Iine police officer be so clueless

MozzchopsThirty · 20/04/2020 20:32

What @HMSSophie said

Fuck being with a man who won't do oral
I'd prefer to be alone with my cat than live that shit

JavaQ · 20/04/2020 20:37

LTB (or has someone said that already?)

Halo
Bootikin · 20/04/2020 20:56

You are horrible to your cat. Jesus Christ, never have children. Your poor cat! What if the cat got hurt and was ill? That is neglect.

BTW your DP sounds like a knob.

penisbeakers · 20/04/2020 21:34

You're a pair of fucking idiots.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 20/04/2020 21:39

You checked on your cat twice in two and a half weeks because you wanted to have sex?
Poor thing. Just as well you don't have children given how self centred and selfish you are

Iflyaway · 20/04/2020 21:40

I stayed for about 2.5 weeks, only popping home twice (by bicycle, so no risk of infecting others!) to sort out the cat

Fucking hell. That's cruelty. Your poor cat.

Iflyaway · 20/04/2020 21:56

didn't think it would be that big a deal when I'm not going on public transport, or interacting with anyone apart from my DP,

He's a policeman, right? So he is interacting with everyone. Did that not occur to you?
FFS!

Rainbowqueeen · 20/04/2020 22:14

@ANoiseAnnoys has it exactly right

This guy is not into you at all. He doesn’t care about your safety, welfare or your sexual enjoyment.
Dump him

TokyoSushi · 20/04/2020 22:25

This folks, is the reason that lockdown will go on and on and on.

So many of these 'special people' who the rules don't apply to.

Poor bloody cat!

bettybattenburg · 20/04/2020 22:48

How about we now move on to her relationship issues and try helping her to resolve them? Like she asked in the first place?

OK. The OP is in a relationship with a man who clearly should know the full extent of the law with regard to going out of your house. He has so little respect for the OP that he doesn't care if he is asking her/expecting her to go to his house when it contravenes the guidelines. He is then accepting sexual activity from her which he presumbly enjoys whilst not kissing the OP, which is clearly something she feels upset about.

OP should LTB and get somebody who has respect for her and not this selfish individual that she is with. Her cat would be a better companion than this pathetic excuse for a decent partner.

That better?

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