To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

@formerbabe but surely it’s the next logical step?! If people can’t afford IVF =shouldn’t have children. Can’t afford maternity scans, maternity bed, anaesthetic, midwife = shouldn’t have children?
Having children is a choice after all (allegedly)

IVF shouldnt be used to step in when we've knowingly let the best years of our fertility go by whilst travelling / enjoying being single / focussing on career etc. That being said there should be more specific classes in school about how fertility declines with age so that younger people are more aware of the risk they take if they leave it till their mid to late 30s to start trying.

Most people I know in their mid to late 30s who haven't started trying yet are in that position because they've been priced out of the housing market. Of course it was easier to start popping out kids at 23 if you were from a generation where one breadwinner on a modest salary could afford to buy a house when they were young and support a wife and kids on a single wage.

@Hwory Exactly. I don’t have type 2 diabetes, drug issues etc so may well struggle to comment, if the non-funding of our doesn’t affect me

The problem is that infertility is not a disease, it can be caused by disease, can be congenital but mostly it's due to the natural aging process.

I was 29 when I first started ttc. I really don't think I left it too late.

Repulsive idea unless you like the thought of poor women labouring at home with no medical help and babies and mothers dying or becoming hideously injured beyond repair or left with lifelong disabilities.

Yet the poor women desperate to have children and can't, and feel suicidal and sometimes carry out their suicidal thoughts because they're denied medical help is ok with you.

formerbabe but surely it’s the next logical step?! If people can’t afford IVF =shouldn’t have children. Can’t afford maternity scans, maternity bed, anaesthetic, midwife = shouldn’t have children

No because once a woman becomes pregnant naturally, that situation exists and needs dealing with. It seems so incredibly bitter to say that poorer women who don't struggle to conceive deserve to die in childbirth because some women are infertile.

Fwiw, I don't have massively strong opinions on NHS funding for IVF, I'm on the fence.

@EL8888

I can understand where the argument might come from (as an infertile woman myself), but it isn't the same. Because maternity services are there to support a pregnancy that has already happened and the birth of a child that is already about to be born. With IVF, there isn't actually an existing pregnancy or new baby. Women who get pregnant through IVF, even if privately funded, can have maternity treatment on the NHS.

Agree. It's not ethical that only the rich that can afford ivf get to have children. The nhs was set up to provide health care equality. Your reproductive system not working is not different to any other organ not working. It should be available to all on nhs. The impact on mental health of infertility is high.

@peperethecat

Well that's up to them if they have decided to prioritise a house over children - you can save for a house at any time - you've only got a "good" few years of peak fertility to have the best shot at having children - if it was a choice between children or mortgage I know what I'd choose.

The NHS shouldn't bail people out who have decided they wanted a house before kids.

How dare people suggest that infertility isn't a disease. It's the cruellest disease out there

No it's not. There are many diseases which are far crueller. Please don't put not having a biological child in the same bracket as dying a long, drawn out, painful death.

Well said @Halo1234

That sounds very very bitter. If the nhs won’t pay for me to get pregnant women who get pregnant should pay the price for maternity healthcare.

A women who’s raped doesn’t choose to get pregnant and you’d want her to pay for her care all because the nhs say wouldn’t pay for ivf? You’d risk two lives for a possible of creating one. Disgusting really.

It’s not that poor pregnant women’s fault you cannot conceive but you would punish her to make you feel what exactly?

@formerbabe it was more me playing devils advocate, than genuinely believing that is the case. I’m always curious how far peoples beliefs extend to -usually to the point it’s convenient from my experience

The problem is that infertility is not a disease, it can be caused by disease, can be congenital but mostly it's due to the natural aging process.

I was 29 when I first started ttc. I really don't think I left it too late.

I was 33 when I started trying to conceive with my DH, we didn't meet until I was 32 so I didn't put it of for any reason other than I hadn't met the man I wanted a family with. And 33 is pretty average these days.

I'll never know whether my childhood SA and a teenage pregnancy (my baby died soon after birth) played a part in making me infertile. My DH and I chose to adopt instead, which was absolutely the right decision for us.

I think the NHS should provide clear evidence based information to all those in this situation, determine the most effective treatments and then use its considerable buying power to provide them at cost price. I reckon you could get the cost per cycle down a lot that way. It could be means tested. We went abroad for IVF. Even with another language and health system, the quality of care and information was so much better and it was so cheap even allowing for the travel. We just couldn't stand the muddle, delay and judgement here.

But what I propose will never happen because infertility carries a stigma that other conditions don't. That's why these threads go the way they do.

I'm sorry, OP. I hope you can get back on track soonish.

Britain invented IVF. These threads are so depressing.

The most hurtful and thoughtless comments are often from people who easily had children. They just can’t put themselves in your position. They have no idea that infertility has actually been compared to having a terrible illness, in the distress that it causes. It may not be a human right, but having a child is, to most people, fundamental to life. Those that casually say ‘have you thought of adopting’ again have absolutely no idea. Don’t waste your breath, go to a fertility site.

@ksf5555xxx think about what you are saying.
Is IVF only to benefit women? Or is it to benefit a couple, a big majority of these couples will be made up by a woman and a man? So you are being more sexist, because you are insinuating only women want childreb

*”The problem is that infertility is not a disease, it can be caused by disease, can be congenital but mostly it's due to the natural aging process.”

“I was 29 when I first started ttc. I really don't think I left it too late.”*

Yes, there’s a suggestion that it’s our fault for leaving it too late, ignoring the fact that a lot of young women are also diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I was 26 when I started trying...

@OneForMeToo but its OK to punish poor infertile women (and men) because they can't afford IVF?

I definitely think it should be available on the NHS. For many people they don’t have enough spare cash to save 5k plus per cycle. Does that mean they should miss out on parenthood? I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with 3 children, all conceived without trouble and I really don’t think it’s fair to not offer some treatment on the NHS.

I think the argument for charging for maternity services is a fair one if following the ridiculous argument that you should only access IVF if you can afford it, and if not then tough; bar perhaps a waiver for those who find themselves pregnant due to horrendous situations. If you choose to have a child and are fortunate enough to not require intervention, then that's a choice, why should the NHS pay?

@Mittens030869 exactly, we can’t be lucky enough to marry our childhood sweetheart or first boyfriend

but its OK to punish poor infertile women (and men) because they can't afford IVF?

I'm uncomfortable with this argument because raising a child is horrendously expensive - far more than £3k for a cycle of IVF - childcare alone per year costs more than that or the loss of wages if someone decides to be a stay at home parent

@Phineyj my friends in the know do say abroad is typically better, more likely to work and cheaper than the UK

Some of the comments on here are really awful.. Saying that if you can't conceive naturally it obviously means you arent meant to have children and it isn't meant to be. How afwul a comment and how dare you say my twins born from ivf arent meant to be... Also saying same sex couples shouldn't be entitled to ivf funded by the NHS. They aren't in Englad anyway which i personally think is disgusting. The fact people are being discriminated against due to their sexuality in this day and age is shocking and a new topic within itself so i won't even go there.