To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

@thefishthatcouldwish it actually depends on what area and trust you fall under to how strict it is

I am sorry you are suffering from infertility OP, I do
hope you manage to become a mom someday.

That being said I am also one of those who don’t think IVF should necessarily be offered. And I speak as someone who will be dependent on IVF to have her own family. I think there are enough people in the world as it is, and plenty of kids already born who need a mom that there is no need to finance people getting their own biological child. I think being able to have your own biological when you aren’t physiologically able to is a luxury. It isn’t necessarily fair that some can have them easily and others can’t but then life isn’t fair and I also think it’s nature’s way to self-regulate.

I'm infertile and don't think it should be covered. I live in a country where it isn't covered. We had enough money for IVF or adoption. We chose adoption.
I have met many couples with unexplained infertility. I have endometriosis. I have a disease. My infertility is a side effect of my disease but not a disease in itself. My multiple surgeries have been covered and each month I am confronted by the disease that continues to ravage my insides. My one and only biological baby was due tomorrow. I lost them 7 years ago. It took me 8 years to become a mom. It was awful. I was 26 when my dh and I started trying. But I still don't see my infertility as a disease. It kind of belittles those of us with actual reproductive diseases to call it that. I was not owed a child. I am so lucky to have a child now, but I was never owed one.

If cuts have to be made, stop unnecessary "gender reassignment" surgery, and let IVF go ahead.

*Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?*

Not at all, it is perfectly acceptable to be angry about something that so many people take for granted. I just wanted to pick up on the adoption stuff. I'm infertile and we chose to adopt rather than go through IVF. Biology didn't mean anything to me, but I accept that it does to many people.
Having been through the process I think adoption can be just as straight forward/heartbreaking/not straight forward as IVF. I don't think it is harder than IVF. In fact, most people on my adoption course were there after numerous rounds of IVF. Adoption can be incredibly straight forward (our friends were through the course and had children placed within 8months). Or it can be fraught with issues.

Obviously some people are not equipped to parent children who have come from "difficult" backgrounds but if that doesn't put you off don't let adoption pass you by.

Good luck on your journey, I know it is heartbreaking

You’re entitled to three attempts at IVF on the NHS.

Some places don't allow 3 attempts do they? I'd heard some NHS areas only allow one or two. I don't think that's fair. It shouldn't be a postcode lottery.

"I have sympathy. But having a baby is not a right.

You are wrong. The right to a family life IS deemed a fundamental human right. "

Family life doesn't necessarily mean one with children. I don't have children but I have a family. My husband and I and our parents/siblings/nieces and nephews are our family. I believe there is too much fixation on the parent/child unit being the only family that matter. It isn't. There are also many comments on this thread that imply a woman without children isn't a real woman and can't possibly have a happy, fulfilling like. Maybe that's the issue that needs to be worked on. After all, the success rates for ivf are incredibly low, what do those women do when it fails?

For those saying it's not fair or their fault that they can't conceive naturally. Yes, that's true. But it's also not fair that thousands of people every week die early from many diseases through no fault of their own. That's life I'm afraid.

As a country we have limited money, we cannot fund everything. That's the hard truth and something has to give.

@JustAboutHoldingItIn OP never asked about adoption. She posted about IVF

We had ivf due to DHs low sperm count. This was a side effect of a hereditary disease he has.
It saved me mentally. Infertility nearly broke me.

Honestly if we are going to pick and choose what we fund then why don’t we not fund all the fucking time wasters first?
My SIL goes to the doctor when she has a COLD. Why?, because she can. She likes the attention. She almost boasts about it. I bet over the years she’s cost the NHS way more than me.

Isn't it funny all these posts arguing that IVF shouldn't be available on the NHS have NO issue with Viagra on the NHS.

Apparently having a baby isn't a right but having an erection is?! How morally foul.

@wishing

I agree with you that society has a fixation on certain things - pregnancy in particular - that a woman is only validated if she experiences pregnancy. Hence the massive rise in donor egg babies which I do think should be massively more restricted than it is or not available all together. Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should

Adoption can work really well. I wouldn't e without my 2 DDs of 11 and 8. But you do need to work through your disappointment at not being able to conceive your own biological baby, because social workers will ask you about that. Having said that. I went through therapy because
It was a hoop I had to go through and it really helped me.

But what I did find was that the biological stuff didn't matter in the end, I couldn't have loved my DDs any more if I'd given birth to them myself. Yes DD1 in particular has SEN (bearing aids and a weak right eye included in this) and adoption related attachment issues, but you don't have to deal with these from the first and you have plenty of time to adjust.

But it wasn't a decision I could cone to quickly. I didn't appreciate people saying to me 'You could always adopt' at the time when I was going through infertility. It does take time to come to that decision.

I totally understand. I am now 46 and reached the end of the road for fertility treatments, nothing worked. So we are childless but not by choice. It is soul destroying. I am constantly depressed at the thought of the loneliness we will experience in old age. Having children is one thing. Having grandchildren is another added bonus. We will have neither.

I’m so sorry it’s on hold. I hate to say it but that’s socialized medicine for you and I’m so glad I’m not in the UK anymore where someone who doesn’t know one bit of my anguish and pain decides whether there is enough money or whether I am important enough to have IVF or not. Here on the US it’s covered by the insurance that my employer provides at no cost to me. And I pay lower taxes.

@WotnoPasta

I agree - but the British are precious about their NHS. it should be stripped back to what it was originally designed to provide. Everything else should be covered by work place healthcare insurance which should be expanded to cover infertility like it is in the USA (it's ridiculous that it isn't here). Those who are disabled or genuinely out of work (not the long term can't be arsed to work) should have some kind of healthcare assistance. Perhaps if people had to pay a contribution they would think twice about wasting NHS time and resources

I don't think the NHS should provide free IVF. But wouldn't say that to a person who was having that treatment. If there was enough funding for treatment of ill people then fine. But there isn't. I bet health insurance in the US doesn't cover IVF.

@Viviennemary

Actually in the USA most insurances cover it - and often its unlimited. - I'm a member of lots of infertility groups and so many women in the USA have 10+ rounds of IVF

but then life isn’t fair and I also think it’s nature’s way to self-regulate.

Childhood cancer and cystic fibrosis is also an example of nature’s self-regulation, but quite rightly we go to great lengths to ensure these children have the best chance of survival. Don’t be ridiculous.

I agree it’s awful that private health insurance, which I have, doesn’t cover ivf. As for adoption, I think it’s a completely separate issue to ivf. When I was going through it I really resented people constantly asking about adoption. I felt it was inappropriate and frankly none of there business. I had looked into it extensively, and I’m still interested in that route. But at the time it felt like they were saying that because I was infertile it was my duty to adopt. Just how I felt.

Their not there!

I agree with PP - I don't think the NHS should provide IVF. However, I wouldn't say that to someone's face if I actually knew them.

To all those who say that it's a want and not a need...

Would you deny a deaf person treatment if that treatment would restore their hearing? Would you say "Well, you can see, can't you? There's people far worse off than you. If you want treatment, then you'll have to go private."

Would you tell a blind person to suck it up, and it's tough shit, because you've got other senses, you'll have to make do with those?

Would you tell a person with the use of only one hand that the can't have physiotherapy because they've got one hand that works, so go away and stop whingeing?

Thought not.

but then life isn’t fair and I also think it’s nature’s way to self-regulate

What a load of bollocks.

If that were true then nature would make sure all the people who are in good health and have a stable living situation were nice and fertile and make drug addicts and people living in war zones infertile. It doesn't work like that.

No because once a woman becomes pregnant naturally, that situation exists and needs dealing with.

What a nonsensical argument. There are options other than progressing to a live birth... it’s not inevitable! Or, is it just women who are both infertile and poor that should ‘miss out’? Besides, once a women is infertile that situation exists and needs dealing with, so what’s the difference?

It isn’t the job of infertile couples to provide a home for children who have a plan for adoption. I say this as a woman who never tried for biological children but adopted 2. Adopting children is (often) nothing like parenting birth children. Not everyone is suitable, or indeed capable.

I firmly believe that if you feel ‘having children isn’t a right’ (and therefore IVF should be privately funded) then you’re a hypocrite if you don’t believe all maternity services should be privately funded. No one is forced to give birth.

The NHS is not there to only provide life saving treatment. Having children may not be a right... but trying for them is.

Finally, for those bemoaning the cost...

Cost of IVF to the NHS annually = £68m

Cost to the NHS, annually, of missed GP appointments = £216m

But at the time it felt like they were saying that because I was infertile it was my duty to adopt. Just how I felt

I confess that so did I! Especially my SIL, who at that point had 4 DC (she now has 5!), who didn't approve of IVF because of the 'spare embryos'. And then I went through the adoption process and the social workers questioned me on whether I'd come to terms with not having any bio DC (quite rightly).

It's for every person going through infertility to decide the right path for them. No one should give anyone the idea that it's their 'duty' to adopt. It's such a tough choice to adopt that you really need to know that it's the right thing for you.