To blame the parents who are moaning about their kids crap birthdays in lockdown!

[Fishcakey]

You gave them unreasonable expectations! When I was a kid the four of us round the table with birthday cake was the norm. Maybe we got a takeaway. Nobody had parties at bouncy places for 20 or midnight pool parties with stretch limos. Get a grip parents. Surely unless your kid is a spoilt brat it will be happy to get a present and a cake?!

Maybe come of social media and then you won’t see the comments.

People are disappointed in lots of things right now from not seeing family, not having holidays, no birthday parties etc.

I briefly wondered if things would change after and gone would be the gender reveals, baby showers, brides big day etc but I don’t think they will and if anything will be even more over the top for many.

DS(5) literally spends all year planning his next birthday between times - the theme, what he will wear, the decorations, who will come, the cake, the games. It's his favourite day of the year. (And yes, fucking sourpusses, they're old-fashioned at-home parties with homemade decorations and old skool party games.) It's the kind of thing that in the life of a child, in which control and autonomy are scarce and precious, looms huge.

You bet he'd be fucking gutted if I had to tell him that not only was his doggy Darth Vader party* not happening, but he couldn't even see his best friend or his beloved grandparents, and so would I.

*Seriously

I’ll never understand this mealy-mouthed ‘well we had half a jam sandwich so no one should aspire to anything more’ mentality anyway.

When I was a child I had tea parties at home. I was very grateful for them. But if I’d been given the chance to take my friends to one of those jumpzone style parties, I would have leapt at it and not looked back. Obviously.

Why shouldn’t kids of today aspire to their idea of a good time?

I agree with your point in that children's birthday parties are very extravagant compared to when I was a child and it was basically family, cake and presents. Young children are allowed to be disappointed but I do wonder if much of the disappointment mentioned on SM actually belongs to the parent.

I think this is more to do with MN demographic than anything else. Elaborate birthday parties for certain demographics were definitely a thing in the Victorian and Edwardian ages.

On the other hand, they are less of a thing around where I live. Church hall and party games are about as far as we stretch. Or possibly a few select friends taken to McDonalds.

And for the record, church hall and McDonalds are favoured by the poorer families, the ones whose living rooms are so tiny you couldn't even fit in a dining table and where a garden is either non-existent or a couple of metres square of concrete. (You could go on inviting 6 children to McDonalds once a year for a loooong time before that added up to the mortgage for a larger house).

Dc have only ever had at-home parties, no one ever complained. But then we were among the more affluent of their circle and lived in a 3 bed semi with a garden large enough for 6 children to sit on the lawn at the same time. Not all our friends did.

Can't remember anyone ever complaining of being bored- except if they were in trouble for some different reason. Ime of children, "bored" might cover a multitude of concepts, including feeling bullied, feeling shy, having been told off, just having done something they shouldn't and being scared of being found out etc etc.

I agree OP there's so much pressure on kids birthday parties, that is according to what people usually say on here. I'd never have known otherwise, what an education it's been. I'm sure whoever misses out on a birthday will certainly make up for it after Corona, I'm dreading the row. Another miserable ole cunt here.

By the time it is DS' 6th birthday we will have been in lockdown for 7 weeks.

That's 7 weeks of not seeing his friends, not going swimming or to judo. Not visiting his grandparents in the UK (a long awaited trip whose cancellation has caused many tears) or seeing his other grandma in France. Not going to parks or on day trips. In fact, he won't have been further than 1km from our flat in that time.

During these weeks Ive tried to cheer the DC up by cooking their favourite meals and we've made cakes and biscuits together. Their endless drawings are decorating our flat.

So how to make his birthday special? He wanted to see his grandparents- inpossible. Have a superheroes party in the local park with his friends - impossible.

I'll make him a cake (and attempt for it to look like a dinosaur) and we'll have his favourite meal - again. Fortunately he'll have 4 presents to open but his much awaited present was a bike - impossible to buy or indeed use at the moment here in France.

He'll be disappointed and that is understandable. I suspect that by the time parties are allowed here it'll be September and a new class. Not many children are invited to playdates here so a party with friends is a BIG deal.

OP do you even have children?

You sound very intolerant tbh. I grew up with all class parties being the norm. My DC hopefully wont have their birthdays during this time as they are December babies but it's understandable they would be disappointed.

I think it's all a question of balance.

It's ok to feel sad that you didn't get to do what you had planned. It is not ok to have a screaming hissy fit or talk about being 'devastated' or act like it's the worst thing ever (well, I suppose it is ok, but don't expect many people to be terribly sympathetic.) Of course I have more sympathy for children as they're unable to process their emotions.

Personally, I do feel like many events such as birthday parties, weddings, last day of school are too over-done these days. I mean, people can do what they like, it's no skin off my nose, but there is so much pressure for things to be perfect and then people get depressed when they don't feel the way they expected to feel. Especially when people plan things to the last detail and then spend the entire time taking/posing for photos, I do kind of wonder what the point is, like are you doing this for fun or are you doing it for instagram?

One of my friends went on a trip to Alton Towers last year for someone's birthday and she said literally the entire time was spent taking photos and redoing make up, so much so that they literally only ended up going on one ride. She was a bit peeved and quite confused (yes, she could have said something etc etc but you know sometimes you're just so taken aback that you can't think straight.) I honestly don't get how anyone can think that's a fun day out.

I almost forgot we were living in the Dickensian era, this thread thankfully reminded me.

@onanothertrain I think you are right, I could have worded it better. Nice that a lot of people knew what I was trying to say, a lot are just typical nasty keyboard warriors who wouldn't dare reply like this in real life! You don't post in AIBU if you aren't ready for a good flaming though!

My dd, for her 21st, lost her job, missed out on a foreign holiday with her boyfriend, never got gift tickets to Reading Festival, and to Harry Potter World, and didn't get to seen any of her friends for a piss-up, or have the family meal in a restaurant we had planned. Nor did she get to see her frail, vulnerable and extremely elderly relative.
Some of those things can be done and enjoyed in the future - one may not.

She is not, and has never been an indulged, spoilt brat; and made as best of the day as she (and we) could. Her 18th was ruined through no fault of her own, so to have her 21st fucked up as well was particularly frustrating for us.

So I'm not going to put up with being told I'm being ridiculous, as happened upthread, and I'm also going to robustly defend any other poster who gets unjustly attacked or insulted on this thread, or any other.

This forum is not a nice place to be any more.

I think it was obv what you were trying to say OP. But in any opening post where there is any ambiguity you will get a certain type of poster only too willing to put a negative spin and post an unpleasant reply.

Usually the same posters who like to accuse other posters of being sour, joyless etc etc

It’s okay to be disappointed that your child’s birthday didn’t go to plan, it was my 30th birthday last week and of course I was disappointed that all my plans went out of the window and the only person I saw was my fiancée (who I live with). But, people being devastated? I mean come on, it’s just a birthday, get a grip, they happen every year, some people do really need to get a sense of perspective when there’s close to 1000 people dying every day in this country and your biggest issue is you can’t throw your 8 year old a birthday party this year?

The moaning about 'crap' birthdays is frustrating. However I'm of the view that it doesn't have to be a crap birthday because of the current situation. Let you child choose what to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Watch their favourite movies/play their favourite games. Decorate a little. Go outside and do what they'd like to do (bit of a kick around on a field, bike ride - daily exercise). Have a household party with some treats and cake. And of course there will be some presents.

Certainly for younger ones I'm sure most would love a combination of a few of the above and have a great day. Seems to be the parents causing the fuss.

Teens... harder... but still doable. Can always promise them something after this is over

I unfollowed an instamum yesterday for putting up a temporary begging post dressed up as 'we've got £20 to get my DD a birthday present, please help by making suggestions'. Wanting donations because a lockdown birthday is so hard

Friends here have pitched a tents in the garden for older kids / younger teens birthdays and roasted marshmallows etc and while family sleep in the tent which I think is a flipping good effort

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