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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/04/2020 00:34

I would consider my husband’s opinion on this. If he’s so against it, why would you want to disrespect his feelings?

OP has tattoos already though. Why would he be sickened by another one?
He obviously knows she likes them.

Triggahippy · 19/04/2020 00:34

Whore not white but sure someone will step in with white trash soon anyway.

DisorganisedPurpose · 19/04/2020 00:35

Yours is really nice soon. Did it hurt?

Knackeredmommy · 19/04/2020 00:35

But the OP has tattoos already?

SRS29 · 19/04/2020 00:36

So an OP and nothing since....maybe the same reason she needs to tattoo her child’s name and birth date on herself as she keeps forgetting Hmm

GreytExpectations · 19/04/2020 00:37

Its AIBU post, some people love tattoos, some people hate them, it's a discussion that evolves like every other one on MN.
🙄🤷‍♀️

Spectacularly missing the point of this thread. The OP did not ask for people's opinions on tattoos. She asked for opinions on her DH threatening to end their marriage over her making a choice about her body in any other situation posters would be shouting red flag and LTB but because mumsnet is weirdly nasty about tattoos they have ignored the controlling nature of her DHs threat.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/04/2020 00:38

But the OP has tattoos already?

Exactly. So why would it matter?
Did the OP ever come back or was it a plop and run?

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 19/04/2020 00:38

As everyone has said - it's your body and your choice. If he threatens divorce because you want a tattoo then he's an ass.

I'm over 40, two kids, super active in the kids' school and hold down a demanding professional career and I'm at 7 tattoos so far with plans for more. It doesn't make me trashy or chavvy or any other of the nasty adjectives used on this thread.

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
Dubdubdubtub · 19/04/2020 00:39

My sister is a primary teacher and she always says there is a direct correlation between the parent having a large, visible tattoo of theIr child’s name and not doing reading or homework with them

Really? I think my husband the key stage one lead at an outstanding school who incidentally has a tattoo of our child’s name on his arm may disagree with you.

Not sure you friend is in the right career if she is so judgemental

I love my tattoo, it means judgemental types who I wouldn’t want to associate with anyway give me a wild birth. I call it my judgysnobbycowfilter. Never had an issue with men

Smellbellina · 19/04/2020 00:39

I really hope one day women like you are able to think for themselves and make decisions for themselves about there own body instead of needing the mans approval.

Oh come on now get a grip, if DP said he was getting arse implants or tattooing his eyes purple and putting those stupid great holes in his ears I’d suggest to him, as his sexual partner, that that might just do it for me and we would need to reconsider our relationship.

JudyGemstone · 19/04/2020 00:40

Soontobe60 looks great, good choice Smile

Justamassivefart I'm sorry but what absolute twaddle

I have a degree, a masters and another post grad diploma and a very serious professional job, I also have a half sleeve tattoo which I love.

OP you should definitely get another tattoo if that what YOU want and bollocks to what your husband thinks, however sorry but rose/clock combos and writing are not a good choice imo!

Knackeredmommy · 19/04/2020 00:40

Why the worry that another tattoo will make the OP unattractive to her husband? Is that all it takes to throw a marriage away?? So women have control of their bodies unless it's a tattoo because Mumsnet posters don't like them?

Iamthewombat · 19/04/2020 00:47

I love my tattoo, it means judgemental types who I wouldn’t want to associate with anyway give me a wild birth

Should we all get one? That sounds intriguing.

Imstillskanking · 19/04/2020 00:47

So he's already disgusted by the tattoos you currently have... So does he just put up with you? If he feels this strongly then why marry you in the first place?

He's entitled to not like the tattoo (FWIW the tattoo sounds dreadfully tacky, sorry) but him saying he will leave you if you get it is absolutely ridiculous. What a wanker. He would break up his daughter's family over this?

I think you basically have to get the tattoo now...

PositiveVibez · 19/04/2020 00:50

Seems a bit mad to say what he is saying after already having tattoo's when you got together.

My husband doesn't have any and to be honest, I don't think I would have got with him in the first place if he had one in a prominent place. They're an absolute turn off for me. Nothing to do with thinking they're 'chavvy' or any other disgusting words PP's have used.

I just wouldn't have been attracted to him at all.

If he suddenly said he wanted one now after 15 years of marriage, I would be shocked and same for me with him.

They're just not our thing at all.

But if you had 3 when you met, why would one more make a difference? I don't get it.

JudyGemstone · 19/04/2020 00:51

Sorry just to clarify, the rose/clock/kids name wouldn't be for me as it's too ten a penny, but it's a pretty inoffensive choice really- it's not like you're getting a massive swastika or anything!

Dubdubdubtub · 19/04/2020 00:55

Yep seriously. Ok maybe not all judgemental types give me a wild birth but I have had a least 4 people (2 mums at school, 1 person at work and 1 relative of DH) look at my arm and sneer. The relative actually made a chav comment. The mums at school looked down on me, gossiped and avoided me till I became a governor, I then took great delight in cutting them dead when they decided to be nice.

goingtotown · 19/04/2020 00:56

My DIL has been having her tattoos removed by laser since last summer. She says having them in her 20’s was a big mistake.

Iamthewombat · 19/04/2020 01:00

Ok maybe not all judgemental types give me a wild birth

You mean ‘a wide berth’, love.

MigginsMs · 19/04/2020 01:01

I hate tattoos and the one you’re planning sounds not very nice at all, but it’s your body and your choice, he’s an arse.

LaMarschallin · 19/04/2020 01:03

Dubdubdubtub

Yep seriously. Ok maybe not all judgemental types give me a wild birth

I may be wrong, but I think Iamthewombat was questioning your use of "wild birth" when the phrase is actually "wide berth":

To give someone or something a wide berth. Fig. to keep a reasonable distance from someone or something; to steer clear (of someone or something). (Originally referred to sailing ships.) The dog we are approaching is very snappy. Better give it a wide berth.

"Wild birth" is very funny, imo, though.

Lynda07 · 19/04/2020 01:04

I'd have left my husband had he got a tattoo. Horrible, scruffy, chavvy things. The one you describe that you're thinking of having sounds awful. Just don't and if it's possible to have your existing tattoos removed, do that.

LaMarschallin · 19/04/2020 01:05

Ah, sorry, Iamthewombat, cross posted.

Iamthewombat · 19/04/2020 01:10

Our opinions of the attractiveness of tattoos or what they convey about those who have them are irrelevant.

I’m curious to hear the OP’s response to other posters’ questions about what she’d do if her husband decided to get Pete Burns lip fillers, arse implants and purple eye tattoos (thanks for the laugh, the contributors who posted that!) against her express wishes.

Iamthewombat · 19/04/2020 01:12

@LaMarschallin I thought the ‘wild birth’ thing was a deliberate joke first time around.

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