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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Justamassivefart · 18/04/2020 23:54

To me tattoos are a sign of trauma

Isawamagpie · 18/04/2020 23:58

My ex used to say this to me about dying my hair pink..
We split up and I dyed it pink. Now I don't let any man tell me how to dress/what to do/wear.
I have the piercings I want and plan for a tattoo.
Have the tattoo, its you body and your life.

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 00:02

So if you're head to toe in tattoos @Justamassivefart then you've had a pretty shit traumatic life?

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2020 00:04

So it's your marriage or a tattoo. You can't have both so you have a big decision to make.

Sorry, not very helpful but I thought putting your options like this would help you make your choice.

Jellybean27 · 19/04/2020 00:05

Get the tattoo.

Leflic · 19/04/2020 00:05

Moving off the atheistic of tattoos, what if your husband fancied a bit of plastic surgery. Bit of lip filler like Pete Burns or a face lift.
Would you be positive and “ your body, your choice” or would you be a bit disappointed at his lack of self esteem and concerned about what he would look like.

Soontobe60 · 19/04/2020 00:06

@Justamassivefart

Why? If I'm traumatised I need to know!

QueenOfPain · 19/04/2020 00:06

Husband is deffo BU.
But so are you because that tattoo sounds naff as owt.

Knackeredmommy · 19/04/2020 00:07

Eh? Interesting responses! Whether you think a tattoo is tacky or not is surely beside the point. OP If he would truly leave you over a tattoo, especially as you have some already that's a worry. It's your body and your choice. I think you'd have different responses if you'd said you wanted to change hairstyle or something.

UnderTheIroningBoard · 19/04/2020 00:10

Moving off the atheistic of tattoos, what if your husband fancied a bit of plastic surgery. Bit of lip filler like Pete Burns or a face lift.
Would you be positive and “ your body, your choice” or would you be a bit disappointed at his lack of self esteem and concerned about what he would look like
I might be concerned and I might tell him I didn't like the thought of it, or that I found it ridiculous, but ultimately it would be his choice.

Ploughingthrough · 19/04/2020 00:10

I would absolutely hate it if my DH got a tattoo. I wouldn't leave him over it but it would cause some waves in our marriage for sure. Having said that, it's your body and your choice.

Gemma2019 · 19/04/2020 00:11

@soontobe60 I wouldn't say you were traumatised but posting a Pinterest photo of someone else's arm and pretending it's yours is very weird.

SimplySteveRedux · 19/04/2020 00:15

Your body, your choice.

I think tattoo's done well can be extremely tasteful and good looking. DD has several, including two half-sleeves and looks great, it's other people's opinion if they dislike. I have one and planning more.

He's being rather ridiculous threatening to leave over it, in my opinion.

CrystalTipped · 19/04/2020 00:16

Child - "Dad, why did you leave Mum and break up our family?"

Dad - "She got a 3rd tattoo."

Child - "Well that is more important than my having both parents at home, you've got me there."

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 19/04/2020 00:17

I really hate tattoos especially in that location. Just look awful. So I can sympathise with your DH’s strength of feeling.

Soontobe60 · 19/04/2020 00:24

@Gemma2019
You clearly failed to read the rest of the thread, I posted the correct photo after it was pointed out to me. I'd inadvertently selected the one I showed the tattooist.
I've reposted them here so you can check.the first is me, the secondnis the one I downloaded for the tattooist.
Apology accepted.

TiddyTid · 19/04/2020 00:24

Inked skin? All this over inked skin?

I have 6 tattoos. Last one inside of forearm which was designed off the belt buckle on my bespoke wedding dress I had done for my wedding anniversary.

I'm not a whore, cheap or tacky. Thanks.

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
DroppedBoxxedRuth · 19/04/2020 00:25

But @Knackeredmommy, what if OP dh thinks they're tacky? Then of course he can find OP unattractive?

I do personally think they're tacky, there is nothing tasteful about arm tattoos. But that's my opinion and one I don't really feel the need to share in RL.

Soontobe60 · 19/04/2020 00:26

@TiddyTid
You must be a chav or dirty then 😜

LaMarschallin · 19/04/2020 00:26

CrystalTipped

Child - "Dad, why did you leave Mum and break up our family?"

Dad - "She got a 3rd tattoo."

Child - "Well that is more important than my having both parents at home, you've got me there."

Or:

Child - "Mum, why did you and Dad separate and break up our family?"

Mum - "I got a 3rd tattoo, despite him saying he'd leave if I got it."

Child - "Well that is more important than my having both parents at home, you've got me there."

GreytExpectations · 19/04/2020 00:27

On such a feminist, women focused forum it's funny to see so many "I hate tattoos on women" posts. So it's OK for a man to have a tattoo but it can't possibly be OK for a pretty little lady to have one. It's soooo unladylike Hmm

OP, ignore the judgmental twats and get the tattoo if you want it. Your DH doesn't get a say in what you do to YOUR body.

WanderingTrolley1 · 19/04/2020 00:27

I would consider my husband’s opinion on this. If he’s so against it, why would you want to disrespect his feelings?

That tattoo is awful and has been done to death.

TiddyTid · 19/04/2020 00:29

You must be a chav or dirty then

Definitely not a chav. I might be dirty though 😂

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 19/04/2020 00:33

I would consider my husband’s opinion on this. If he’s so against it, why would you want to disrespect his feelings

What a sad read your comment is. I really hope one day women like you are able to think for themselves and make decisions for themselves about there own body instead of needing the mans approval.

Disrespect his feeling? What the fuck? It’s OP’s body and last time I checked one can do what they like to the body they have, we aren’t silly little women anymore

Try thinking for yourself some time you might like it

Triggahippy · 19/04/2020 00:33

I find it strange on Mumsnet- any other topic where there is a hjnt of controlling behaviour it’s an immediate Ltb.
A tattoo though and all of a sudden you shouldn’t rock the boat and you should respect your dh very valid feelings.
I find it crazy how bodyart on others provokes such extreme criticism- white/tacky/ chavvy etc. There was a thread the other day about certain shops where people were berated for calling each other’s choices of clothes outdated or grumpy however tattoos seem fair game. Strange.