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Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
LaMarschallin · 19/04/2020 01:17

Iamthewombat

I thought the ‘wild birth’ thing was a deliberate joke first time around.

I know. But it wasn't, was it?
One of my favourite Malapropisms ever though Smile

YourWinter · 19/04/2020 01:17

Do you think you'll forget your daughter's name and birth date if you don't have them inked on your arm? These things look awful and will look a hell of a lot worse when you're 75 and wrinkly. Just don't. Tattoos are hideous on everyone, but the kiddies' name and date ones are ridiculous.

TheSandman · 19/04/2020 01:18

It's your body and your choice.

It's also his choice to dislike it enough to not want to be with you any longer.

Tattoos are repulsive.

People are beautiful. People with tattoos look like people with crap scribbled all over them. Why would you ruin something beautiful and delicate and wonderful as your body by scarring it for life?

I'm not sure if I'd leave my wife if she got one. But she wouldn't be in any way as beautiful as she is now if she did.

Qgardens · 19/04/2020 01:19

I'd feel very strongly if dh decided to get a tattoo. I have sympathy for your dh. Get one if you want, after all its your body, but be prepared for a negative reaction.

TheSandman · 19/04/2020 01:20

I'm over 40, two kids, super active in the kids' school and hold down a demanding professional career and I'm at 7 tattoos so far with plans for more. It doesn't make me trashy or chavvy or any other of the nasty adjectives used on this thread.

Sorry, but yes it does.

rayoflightboy · 19/04/2020 01:20

@Peyton2020 get the tattoo.

Yours
Chavy dirty tattooed womanGrin

penisbeakers · 19/04/2020 01:21

Tell him to fuck off.

I had an ex who said if I dyed my hair blue, he'd dump me. So naturally, I dyed it blue.

He didn't dump me, but he wasn't happy. However, I got rid of him for being such a massive arse.

It's your body, do what you want. He does not own you.

dkanin · 19/04/2020 01:23

I think if I had a DH telling me he'd leave me if I got a 4th tattoo then I'd be leaving him.

ICantBelieveInYou · 19/04/2020 01:24

There was a thread the other day about certain shops where people were berated for calling each other’s choices of clothes outdated or grumpy however tattoos seem fair game. Strange

It's not really strange when you consider that a lot of people on mumsnet are judgemental, hypocritical pricks.

If I was married to someone who would leave me ovrr something so superficial as a tattoo, I'd be glad to be rid of him. He obviously isn't particularly in love with you is he!

Original poster
Peyton2020 · 19/04/2020 01:32

Thank you all for your replies.

The tattoo design itself is a working process. I’m a pretty good artist and will play around with the design. I enjoy art and wanted to become a tattoo artist, which my husband knew about before we met.

The location will either be on my arm or my thigh I haven’t decided yet. I was gonna draw some designs and show him them first.

I would understand if I didn’t have any tattoos going into the relationship, but I do and he called them disgusting so I don’t understand at all.

Maybe some of you are right there maybe other issues going on here that me and him need to have a chat about.

He doesn’t know what tattoo I wanted neither the location, he just went crazy when I told him I wanted another tattoo. He told me he doesn’t think he would be able to stick around if I ever got another tattoo. He said he hates them and finds them disgusting to look at and if I decide to get another he would leave as he wouldn’t be able to look at me.

Maybe it is a little controlling. I will have a chat with him and see what’s really going on. Thank you all for your replies :)

OP posts:
EveryLifeHasASoundtrack · 19/04/2020 01:36

It seems quite strange that he’s saying tattoos disgust him when you already had some when you met. But I’d say that wrist and ankle tattoos are a bit more discreet and possibly smaller than one on your forearm. It’s your body though and therefore your choice, equally it’s his choice to not want to be with you because of it.
I don’t like tattoos, I’ve never seen one that I think looks good. I find them really unattractive so I can see where he’s coming from. I’d hate it if my partner got one, thankfully he doesn’t like them either.

LaMarschallin · 19/04/2020 01:36

Peyton2020

The tattoo design itself is a working process.

That's also a pretty good Malapropism, but "wild birth" remains my favourite.

Sparklfairy · 19/04/2020 01:40

Calling part of your body disgusting which was already there before you met is the deal-breaker for me. If my partner called any part of me disgusting he'd be gone.

If you had none and knew his opinion of them and then wanted one it would be different.

He married you and accepted your tattoos. He knew what he was getting into. If he wants to walk away that's his choice but it's your body and he married you with three, if you'd had four instead already would he just not have bothered?

Stupid controlling man.

Strokethefurrywall · 19/04/2020 01:42

Meh. I had this done on my 39th birthday. It's my 5th tattoo, the last one before that being in 2005.

All my tattoos have meaning to me. Would I have had it if DH had objected? Probably. All he said was "are you absolutely sure?" because I'd gone from not thinking about it to designing and getting it done in 4 days.

Thankfully neither of us hold opinions or judgments of people who choose to do what they wish with their bodies, nor do we automatically assume someone is trashy, chavvy, naff or tacky based on body art/modification. Frankly, these are adjectives most commonly seen on any Mumsnet thread about tattoos, baby showers, "gender" reveals or anything deemed too American for its own good, so it's easy to conjure up an image of the "type" of dickheads who come out with this shit.

I haven't lived in the UK for near 13 years now but find it hard to believe that people, in this culture of "be kind" or "her body, her choice" can really come on a thread like this and come out with such rude and intentionally cruel comments.

Honestly anyone still declaring that tattoos are vulgar (always a good one), vile (my second favorite descriptor!), need to move into this fucking century.

OP, I think the fact that you had 3 tattoos when you first met is the crux of your argument. Why now does he not like them? Why does he feel so strongly about it? Ultimately it's your body and your choice but I'd be interested in my DHs views on a tattoo that was going to become part of my body. If he can't articulate a sensible argument however, I'd be inclined to go ahead.

Strokethefurrywall · 19/04/2020 01:43

Tattoo attached

Strokethefurrywall · 19/04/2020 01:44

FFs

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 19/04/2020 01:46

If OH said he found anything about me disgusting he could go fuck himself .

If you don't like tattoos fair enough. Don't get one,don't get in a relationship with someone who has them because odds are they will want more.

What you don't get to do is pretend to accept and love someone for who they are and then have a hissy fit and threaten to leave at the mere mention of a tattoo.

This thread reminds me I still need to find my next design.

LesFleursDuMal · 19/04/2020 02:05

When I met my (now ex) husband, I was a smoker, and he was not. It didn't bother him, he never said a word. We dated, had a relationship, then married.

After a few years of marriage, he suddenly decided that my smoking is disgusting, filthy and I should quit, or he'll leave. I left him instead, and divorced him shortly after. I didn't do it because smoking was more important to me than marriage. I divorced him as he had absolutely no right whatsoever to tell me what I'm supposed to do. If he didn't like smokers, he should have married one.

This is exactly the same. In your shoes, I'd have a tattoo and then just dump him. I hate ultimatums and blackmail.

To the 'chavy, scummy, vulgar, tacky' brigade: how about you just fuck off. Did OP ask your opinion about tattoos? NO. Did she ask your opinion about her chosen design? NO. You hate tattoos? Fine. No one cares.

Have your tattoo, OP. Have a watch, roses and a name if you like it, it's fine. It's your body and your life.

ICantBelieveInYou · 19/04/2020 02:16

Calling people chavvy is the very height of vulgarity to be honest.

Iflyaway · 19/04/2020 02:17

You have every right to get a tattoo if that is what you want.

Your husband has every right to say it revolts him.

Personally I would never put a poison like ink into by body I have a skin problem

FlamedToACrisp · 19/04/2020 02:25

Imagine that, when you met your husband, you loved him even though he was, quite frankly, a bit on the chubby side. If there was one thing you weren't keen on about his appearance, it was that, and he knew it.

Then imagine he tells you he intends to gain another 5 stone - his body, his choice.

Would you say, "OK, dear - I love you anyway."? Or would you feel hurt because he was deliberately choosing to make himself less attractive to you?

In your situation, I would choose not to have the tattoo.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/04/2020 02:37

If tattoos disgust him then why did he marry someone with several? I'd be tempted to respond with "the door's that way".

Lynda07 · 19/04/2020 02:41

Husband is probably saying he will leave to dissuade the op from having another tat. It's his tactics. I agree with him in the sense that I think having a tattoo is awful but I honestly doubt it would lead to him leaving. However, in your place,op, I wouldn't have one. There's no point in doing something which will obviously make him unhappy, think of an equivalent thing he might toy with the idea of doing which you would hate. How would you feel if he went ahead.

You're a partnership and that's important. You're not an experimenting kid any more but a grown woman and a mother. Tattoos are unnecessary, it's a great pity that they'v become so fashionable in recent years.

Hannsmum · 19/04/2020 02:42

Would you stay with him if he does something that disgusts you? Whatever answer you give to that is your answer 😐

Purpleartichoke · 19/04/2020 02:56

I personally find tattoos disgusting. The thought of someone putting something foreign into their skin over and over horrifies me. So if my husband got a tattoo, it would really disturb me. While I respect his right to do what he wants with his body, I don’t know how much effort it would take me to get past my aversion.

The forearm is also a place that is very difficult to cover consistently with regular clothing: I would at least consider getting it someplace less obtrusive.