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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
amazedmummy · 18/04/2020 23:27

No I don't think people go for tattoos to look like a chav. I more meant that I have a reasonable university education and a dislike for dance music. I'm pretty sure there's plenty wrong with me but I wouldn't say it's being chavvy.

Princess28 · 18/04/2020 23:30

Today 22:09 ShleeAnKree

Also, I just don't get them. Why reclaim your skin, it's already yours.

Actually- that’s the one reason I’d love a tattoo (I’m too fickle to actually choose one). My body has plenty of scars (operations, c sections, stretch marks etc) that I DIDN'T choose- I’d love to get one that I’ve actually picked for myself.

He sounds like he’s being over dramatic but he knew you liked them when he met you!

Mischance · 18/04/2020 23:31

And frankly your choice of tattoo is mega-tacky. Please just forget the whole thing and get on with being a happy family.

ViciousJackdaw · 18/04/2020 23:34

@Soontobe60 that first picture looked like the arm of a young woman. So yes, I did wonder how you were keeping youthful. Of course I would. Turns out it wasn't your own arm anyway. Where's the problem?

IFellOffADivingBoardInGuernsey · 18/04/2020 23:35

Wow! How uptight and old fashioned is everyone???
Ignore the haters, tattoo's are fine.
If you want one, get one!

UnderTheIroningBoard · 18/04/2020 23:35

And frankly your choice of tattoo is mega-tacky
I happen to agree, but so what? It's the OP who has to live with it forever more, what you or I or any other random person thinks doesn't matter.

Shineonyou · 18/04/2020 23:35

LocalHobo With a good doctor injecting the botox, your husband won't even realise you've had it done. Go ahead if you want it done and it will make you feel better.

donnaDCM · 18/04/2020 23:36

This reply has been deleted

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Duck90 · 18/04/2020 23:38

op you;ll just get people here telling you red flag and your body. no wonder so many are moving to mums.chat

I don’t understand. You don’t want people to tell the op it’s her choice?

I popped over to the site you spoke about. The 3rd thread on Chat was about Megan and Harry and people hating on her. Plus, it looks very similar to mumsnet in colour/text/font. I don’t see why it’s better?

SandyY2K · 18/04/2020 23:38

@Waxonwaxoff0

The issue isn't whether he likes them or not, it's him saying he'd leave her for getting one.

You said you don't like tattoos. Would you divorce the person you love

No, I can't see myself doing that tbh....

It would have to be some really awful tattoo for me to divorce my husband over.
By awful, I mean what it symbolises or it being garish or scary.

The tattoo and it's location on the body could make me less attracted to him if I hated the sight of it though....

I'd also take the fact that he totally ignored my view on a permanent body change, as him not caring what I thought.

Triggahippy · 18/04/2020 23:38

Having an opinion is fine. I have tattoos

  • my dh doesn't like them. Fine.
Her dh is effectively telling her she can’t have one by threatening to leave the marriage if she does.
PickAChew · 18/04/2020 23:39

I'm not a fan of tattoos but it's a petty thing for you H to want to leave over. It's not his arm you're putting it on. I'd be questioning the strength of your relationship if he'd happily walk away over something so trivial.

NoMoreDickheads · 18/04/2020 23:39

What a controlling arsehole.

Get it-- I doubt he'll fuck off, that's just what he's saying to try and control you.

Does he get like this about other stuff?

If he fucks off I think it'll be a blessing.

RaininSummer · 18/04/2020 23:39

I would really hate it if my partner got a tattoo even though I don't mind them in theory on other people. It is your body but if your husband doesn't like them then it seems a strange thing to do as it's a more permanent than wearing clothes he doesn't like much.

JudyCoolibar · 18/04/2020 23:42

You have to decide which you value more. I don't think disliking tattoos makes him controlling, and it is absolutely his choice whether he wants to stay with you.

NoMoreDickheads · 18/04/2020 23:42

It doesn't matter how much people like or dislike tattoos- I'm surprised that any PP's are backing him up at all. It's not that he has an opinion, it's the threatening to leave and being kind of aggressive that isn't on.

Fruitsaladjelly · 18/04/2020 23:43

I doubt he really means it but he clearly really, really doesn’t like them. Personally I’m with him, I think they deface the true beauty underneath which I suspect is how he feels, he doesn’t want you to do that to yourself. I also think they often mark moments of emotional crisis, people get them after trauma, relationship break downs, bereavement or at times they struggle with their identity such as the feeling of loss of youth. There have been occasions when I thought I wanted a tattoo but I’m pleased I’ve never got one. We change as people, fashions change, but they don’t. What we may love now won’t always be to our taste, tattoos are of a moment and what was the in thing once becomes something that dates you in the future. The lower back tattoos of the 90’s, the water colour style ones that seem popular now will become old hat in a few years. Would you choose an outfit you’d wear every day forever? would you want to settle on the same wallpaper ? Why so on your arm? Ultimately it’s your body your choice but I’d wait at least a year and see if you feel the same then.

Smellbellina · 18/04/2020 23:43

If DP decided to tattoo his whole balding head I’d think he was a twat but I wouldn’t leave him, and I’m not even sure I like him that much, certainly not enough to have got married.

I say call his bluff. I would.

MrsSnitchnose · 18/04/2020 23:44

@Oldestchild90s Thank you. I'm using this bloody house arrest to collect ideas for a sleeve and half sleeve I'm planning. The half one will be Potter and the full one I'm going Fantastic Beasts

PickAChew · 18/04/2020 23:45

I think we can all stand down, anyhow, since @Peyton2020 hasn't been back.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 18/04/2020 23:45

I'm not a fan of tattoos, but I really wouldn't mind if DH got one. There are people I love that have tattoos, my personal preference doesn't get in the way of that.

Triggahippy · 18/04/2020 23:52

I absolutely love my tattoos, I still get pleasure from how they look several years later. Imo they are beautiful.
My oh has one tattoo he bitterly regrets (it’s crap tbf) and really doesn’t like tats. However he loves me and knows mind make me happy so accepts them. I can’t imagine him ever threatening to leave because of them

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 18/04/2020 23:53

Of course is your body and your choice, as much as is his right to feel less attracted by you and leave if he feels as disgusted as he thinks he will.

I would rather avoid the tattoo than risking getting my partner the ick.

JingsMahBucket · 18/04/2020 23:54

@Peyton2020 if this is totally out of the blue I would wonder if he’s been talking to another woman and he’s moving into the phase of hating everything about you. See what I mean? Has he started criticizing you a lot lately, especially during the lockdown period? I’d be concerned and do some digging.

LaMarschallin · 18/04/2020 23:54

MysticMeghan

I have two very prominent half sleeve tattoos. I also have two University degrees, am a Member of two Professional Associations (one business related, one technology related) and have an MBA. My DD is reading history at Glasgow University. She didn't get THERE because I was too "chavvy" to do reading or homework with her.

I don't understand why you've used so many random capital letters.
It's excellent that you have two "University" degrees and are a "Member" of two "Professional Associations".
I've just got two university degrees and am a member of just one professional association.

And your daughter has done very well to get to Glasgow University to "read" history "THERE".

"Reading" a subject sounds very affected to me.
Graduates I know said they were "doing" their subjects - we were expected to be able to read.

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