Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

[Peyton2020]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

hesgotit

"You're right@amazedmummy, someone who has too much time on their furry hands!"
You are just cementing my point here really.

What's the difference between me spending £300 on a piece of art to hang on the wall and £300 for art tattooed on my skin.

Wall art is transferable. You can put it on a different wall when you get bored with it or realize it's actually crap. Or sell it. If you bought right you maybe able to sell it at a profit - though that should never be the reason for buying art.

Art on the wall has an objective reality. Tattoos are subjective. You will never see a tattoo the same way up as someone else. If you and a friend stand together and look at a piece of art on a wall you are both looking at the same thing from the same angle and almost from the same position. If you then look at a piece of 'art' on your leg you will not be seeing it from the same angle unless your friend gets really close and personal and peers over your shoulder as you bend down.

Wall art - paintings are 99% of the time flat. Don't move about get wrinkled and saggy.

Art becomes become part of the culture. Name three famous tattoos that will resonate with people the way even the most offhand scribble by Picasso, Miro, Duchamp, Rembrandt, Rego, or any other artist from the last couple of millennia does.

It's not art. It's just make up you can't wash off. Self-indulgent self-harming scribbling. Tattoos bear the same relationship to real art as Mills and Boons and Harlequin romances do to literature. Cheap. Easy. Instant gratification. Unimportant.

But that's just my opinion. I don't really care.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas
Perhaps he is no longer as blindly in love as he was once so he accepts the original ones but dislike the idea of another?

I also think that this is a very probable assessment of the situation. If OP's husband is controlling then so is the OP. She is the one who wants to make a change to her body that her husband doesn't like. She's free to do that - and he's free to follow through and leave, or just not find his wife as attractive anymore. They can then make their plans, or not, as they see fit.

I don't know why some of you are so het up about your tattoos. For some, tattoos are disfiguring, for others they're body-enhancing. Some people will like them, others won't. What does it matter what anybody else thinks? Surely, if you love them so much, you don't need validation for your choice?

I would never say anything to anybody about their tattoos but if pushed for a compliment, would think of one. I wouldn't rain on their parade but in truth, I dislike them.

They're so commonplace now that they're prevalent across the whole socio-economic strata. What won't change is that inking your body gives somebody with the inclination to judge, the perfect opportunity. I don't understand the angst though, do what you want, we're all adults with the agency to do that.

"Queenofthestress

@TabbyMumzyou do realise that you've probably met alot of people who have tattoos you can't see?

Tattoos have been around alot longer than most people think, maybe not in the UK, but around the world they have"

Of course!!! Doesnt change my feelings towards them?!

Don't say I'm like you @TabbyMumz that is the biggest insult ever! I judge you and your voiced opinions because you're awful. I judge you and your nastiness the same way I'd judge someone who was physically violent, just because you use words saying people (doing nothing to you) are stupid, they disgust you, doesnt make you acceptable, it makes you wrong.

Some people need to be judged. You're one one them.

I don't judge people because they've chosen to ink their own skin. Which is nothing to do with me or you!

Interesting you don't bring up my point about a medic not having to risk their life for someone who views them as stupid and thinks less of them!

"hesgotit

Don't say I'm like you@TabbyMumzthat is the biggest insult ever! "

But you are arent you?! Just look at your comments so far. You are judging too. And you are being incredibly nasty with it, arent you. The more you are nasty, the more your behaviour sort of cements my point.

" judge you and your voiced opinions because you're awful. "

There you go.

"I judge you and your nastiness the same way I'd judge someone who was physically violent, just because you use words saying people (doing nothing to you) are stupid, they disgust you, doesnt make you acceptable, it makes you wrong."

There you go again. I'm entitled to my thoughts, and so are you.

"Some people need to be judged. You're one one them."

And so are you. I would have judged you if you have a tattoo, or smoke, and I'd judge you again for your nasty comments.

"I don't judge people because they've chosen to ink their own skin. Which is nothing to do with me or you!"

Good for you. I do.

@TabbyMumz still it answered the medic one,

Should they treat you and rick their lives, when you deem them stupid and think less of them?

They will, because they are so much better than you, but should they?

Look, no ones going to be so rude to tell it to your faces, but as this is the internet people are being honest about how they feel about tattoos.

I think they’re gross. DP has loads but he was in the navy so I find them kind of amusing, plus I adore the man.

I do agree with PP that the water colour ones look ok when you’re still, but when you’re moving they look like a dirty splodge or an injury.

I was shocked by the Cheryl Cole bum tatto. It looks like she’s woken up from a heavy period or flooding. Why would such a beautiful woman disfigure herself like that? Mind you with all her plastic surgery she now looks like Michael Jackson. Madness.

"hesgotit

@TabbyMumzstill it answered the medic one,

Should they treat you and rick their lives, when you deem them stupid and think less of them?

They will, because they are so much better than you, but should they? "

You just cant help yourself can you. And you just dont get it that everytime you add a nasty comment, you are cementing my point, over and over.

Great got what I wanted @TabbyMumz you can't respond!

Cements my view and I'm 100 % right, you know for a fleeting moment. I thought you were taking time to come back with a decent point,

Have we plummeted to the bottom yet?

"hesgotit

Great got what I wanted@TabbyMumzyou can't respond!"

Eh? I've responded to you several times? Perhaps you've not seen my responses?

CCements my view and I'm 100 % right, you know for a fleeting moment. I thought you were taking time to come back with a decent point,"

I was actually responding again to you but decided against it, as you cant argue with stupid.

YANBU

Your husband is a controlling drama queen. Get 10 tattoos.

I was actually responding again to you but decided against it, as you cant argue with stupid.

You certainly can't, I mean how stupid would it be to think every person with a tattoo was over than you, that would be really fucking stupid wouldn't it?

It would be like racism, you know I "don't like them" because...... a different race to me. I don't like them because they have tattoos?

*was lower than you

Look, no ones going to be so rude to tell it to your faces, but as this is the internet people are being honest about how they feel about tattoos

Firstly, OP did not ask for opinions on the tattoo or on tattoos in general. Secondly, "this is the internet so we're being honest" is hardly a justification. If you wouldn't say something in face to face, don't say it online. There's no difference to the person on the other end. This is why there is such a major issue with online abuse, bullying and toxicity. People tell themselves it's ok because it's not face to face.

Surely, if you love them so much, you don't need validation for your choice?

I don't think anyone here is looking for validation for their own tattoos. They're just rightly pointing out that it's rude to call them "disgusting", "vile", "chavvy" and to openly insinuate that there's something wrong them because they identify you as having a lower income. Like that's something to be ashamed of. "Oh yuck, it makes you look poor! How disgusting!"

Of course people are entitled not to like tattoos. Just like I don't like certain hairstyles or clothing trends. But guess what? I would never belittle or insult them to people in-person or online. Because I'm not that rude. I'm not insecure/shallow/inadequate enough to feel the need to put other people down for their choices.

I think it's right to call people out for having such a bad attitude. Too many people on here are in such a rush to sneer and make mean comments. Think about the person on the other end. Think about what kind of person you want to be. If you don't have anything nice to say, you don't actually have to say anything. You can just close the thread and move on.

It would be like racism, you know I "don't like them" because...... a different race to me. I don't like them because they have tattoos?

That's a fallacious argument. No one chooses their race. People choose to have tattoos. You cannot compare the two.

Oh for god’s sake! I dearly like be my DP with tattoos and I adore and respect my NHS colleagues some of whom have tattoos. It doesn’t mean I can’t think that they have terrible taste. Or that a tattoo looks like an ugly scribble!

You can love the person and have the opinion that tattoos are vile.

@HopeYouGotTheLetter exactly. The issue isn't people not liking tattoos. That's pretty normal and not offensive. It's the presumptions being made about what "type" of person would get a tattoo. Some of those are pretty nasty.

Love not like be! Sorry!

But to add for example, my daughter hates it when I wear my crocs and thinks they’re the ugliest invention in the world. She thinks I have terrible taste but I know she loves me!

I continue to wear the crocs because I’m an old woman who prefers comfort. Plus they’re great for walking the dog on the beach.

It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, if your HUSBAND says he will leave you over a tattoo let alone anything then you shouldn't be with him. Unless he's the type to threaten that much to get his own way but it's still not nice x

Oh people will always be judge about tattoos. I don’t know why people are still so easily worked up about what other people want to do with their own bodies, but unfortunately there will always be narrow minded judgey folk about.

As for your husband, well I’ve been there. When I was a child I was bullied horrendously all throughout school. By the time I got to being a teenager, regretfully I started to take this out on myself as I was too ashamed to try and talk about it with my parents (and to be honest 25 years back , it wasn’t taken as seriously as it is now anyway.)

Since then I’ve had big scars on my arms. My right arm scars have faded to nothing but my left arm was really badly scarred and it always affected me because after the bullying stopped because I left school I had to live with these scars forever. People always stared and I was very self conscious.

The only way for this to end was for me to get a tattoo. I already have done little ones, but I knew I needed a big one for this! I had explained to my tattoo-hating husband. He wasn’t interested because he didn’t believe me!

So I got it done. He didn’t speak to me for a month! He was absolutely awful to me, and made me feel like I’d done done thing truly awful! However, the instant affect I had from those scars being covered up will never leave me. I actually cried in the studio because all those years I had suffered, covered up, awkwardly hid myself etc...why didn’t I do it sooner?

His sulking like that would have really upset me before, but I didn’t give a shit, and he eventually got over it!

I couldn’t give a fuck who likes tattoos and who doesn’t. Anyone who judges doesn’t know the whenever whys for any individual’s reason.

One day I’ll be a wrinkly old woman with a faded tattoo. But I’ll be a wrinkly old woman with a tattoo who won’t give a fuck. I overcame a traumatic childhood, and then finally covered up the last reminders, and my entire perception of my OWN body changed.

Good luck with it OP.