Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

[Peyton2020]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

I know I am ancient but what’s a sleeve tattoo ?

Just people's opinions is what is all about, isn't it, since there are so much strong opinions about having tattoos. I think people who tries to disregard the prejudice about having a tattoo is being disingenuous.

OP, it's a bit odd that you'd post 'please help'. What can posters here do to help you? They're not married to you, it's your marriage potentially in jeopardy for the sake of a tattoo; it either matters to you or it doesn't.

Although the cynic in me thinks that this is a good bunfight thread setting posters against each other, what's the point?

Nobody's opinion matters here other than yours and your husbands.

The posturing from some posters is really daft and pointless. If you like your tattoos then own that and never mind what other people think of them. Why would you even care? You'll never change what people secretly think of them even if they'd never say it.

I like my hairdresser's tattoo, greyscale but she's young, very toned and suits it. I don't comment on anybody else's.

wow that is a disgusting way to "rank" people in society

It's something I've seen when researching different areas before. The percentage of the population in each band tends to be used as a indicator of affluence of an area rather than as a judgement tool for ranking individuals. When searching for it, I did find a truly disgusting version, that listed TV shows and all sorts for each supposed class. I decided not to share that one- I don't think people need any more encouragement to dwell on so-called class signifiers.

But....... please don’t get a rose / clock combo, they’re the equivalent of the 90s tattoo trend of Chinese symbols. Last time I was getting tattoo’d a couple of the artists (the most respected studio in a large city) were laughing at how tacky they are.

This post above from earlier in the thread says it all really....no matter what you get it will become dated & comical.. after all who wears clothes from 20 or 30 years ago?

oogers, I keep seeing reference to 'the other site'. Why don't posters just go there if that's what they want and stop talking about it here?

Many of us don't post on multiple sites or just prefer Mumsnet. That's also ok.

This is interesting as everyone is piling in on the OH. He clearly hates tattoos as many do. Is there an equivalent dislike for you OP, eg having a mohican haircut, oe wearing womens clothesor a foresking piercing, I dont know there is bound to be something. If he knew you hated a certain look and he told you he was going to do it anyway it was his body, how would that make you feel? It seems to me, rather than bullying you, he is expressing how strongly he feels about tattoos.

BrooHaha, isn't that scale used for industry in general - I'm sure when I asked for a car insurance quote that was broadly the grading? I might be wrong, it just looked familiar.

I know I am ancient but what’s a sleeve tattoo ?

@Oldbutstillgotit
nextluxury.com/wp-content/uploads/tattoo-sleeves-for-men.jpg

Agree your body,your life.can you compromise and have it out of usual sight?

@BrooHaHa wow that is a disgusting way to "rank" people in society.

Why is it disgusting? It's just a way of ranking people according their socio-economic status. It's a tool used widely in both the public and private sectors to help us understand our society and its needs in different areas and communities. It's more about economic activity than anything else - it's not a value judgement of the people in question. If it were then all people over state pension age (irrespective of how/what they earned when they worked) would not be lumped in with benefits claimants.

It helps us understand patterns across the country on all sorts of issues from lifestyle cancer rates and the complex reasons for obesity, to car insurance risk, to house prices to school rankings to how many state funded care home places are needed for the elderly who do not have money in property to fund their own care.

@ rayoflightboy thanks .
Trying not to be judgemental but I have a friend who treated herself to a tattoo when she turned 50. She is now late 60s and it really does not look good on her older skin. She bitterly regrets it

@Waxonwaxoff0, it's also woefully crude. Viscount Linley would be a C1, as he's a furniture maker. The fact that the queen is his aunt doesn't come into it!

If you want the tattoo you should get it, it's your body.

Equally, if it's a huge deal breaker for him then it would be his right to leave the relationship if he wanted to.

If it is a deal breaker for him but you don't want to lose the relationship, could you try a compromise? For example, perhaps a different size, location, or design of tattoo, or a non-tattoo way to commemorate your daughter's birthday like a piece of customised jewellery.

To be honest providing an individual can fully fund their choices they may do as they please but I think that fully funding basis has to extend to the treatment of any infections arising from elective cosmetic procedures: tattoos, piercings, botox, breast augmentation, etc. The NHS exists to deal with natural disease not self imposed issues.

As an aside there needs to be proper regulation around tattos and piercings and infections arising from them should be properly reportable.

Viscount Linley would be a C1, as he's a furniture maker. The fact that the queen is his aunt doesn't come into it!

There will always be anomolies in every system of categorisation. If they worried about every single person that didn't fit neatly into their pigeonhole they'd never get anywhere.

I imagine Viscount Linley is possibly also the managing director of his own company, selling rather high end goods to high net worth customers. I don't know how entrepreneurs and elf employed people are categorised using that system though, or who decides where they fit.

self employed, not elf employed. It's not Christmas

For me personally, if my partner shows up with a big and cant ignore tattoo anywhere on his body i'd be really annoyed, because it affects the way i see him, and i want to feel pleasure looking at him, and i find tattoos extremely unattractive. Likewise, i wouldnt modify my body in anyway that i know he wouldnt like. After all, we are partners and our opinions of each other matters.

@Thymelord if the OP didn't want people to take into account the type of tattoo and location of if she wouldn't have mentioned that information at all.
Some people like certain fashions and other people don't. Doesnt mean either is right or wrong but everyone is entitled to voice their opinion on the information given as part of the OP's post.
Most people are not being nasty they are just giving their opinion on the type of tattoo that the OP described.... often followed by "but its your body your choice".
I think you are being overly sensitive.

It's your decision, would he actually leave or is it just an overstatement of how much he doesn't like the idea? However there are three people in your relationship, you your husband and your daughter. He's expressed how much he hates the idea, does his opinion matter? If not he's probably best going. You really need to talk with him about it, not us on mumsnet. If he stays and you do get you're tattoo would it be a constant reminder of how little his opinion matters to you? If you don't get it will you resent that you didn't get it to keep him happy? Compromise is a dirty word on mumsnet but important in a marriage as is not resenting the compromise once made.

This is the usual MN ridiculous tattoo response. If you this was “I want to get my hair cut short” as opposed to “I want another tattoo” the responses would be completely different.
Your body, your choice

And I say that as someone with no tattoos.

I did find a truly disgusting version, that listed TV shows and all sorts for each supposed class.

Well that will be based on information extrapolated from the national viewing figures data and on feedback from sample audiences when testing pilot shows etc.

It's likely to be a fairly accurate represention of the uncomfortable truth I'm afraid.

And of course the chief purpose for it would be knowing where best to target and schedule advertising, so again, 'disgusting' as you may find it, it's a useful tool for business.

I think your comment is fab, BigFatLiar. Totally agree with you. It's not controlling what your partner do, it's about how you respect what your partner think. We don't know about Op's relationship with her dh, so it could be that he is generally controlling, or not. But most people are commenting according to what they know, and I just don't think there'as anything wrong in considering what your partner thinks, and it's not always controlling the others.

Thanks Broohaha well thats... fairly unpleasant and a bit Black Mirror!

I am an 'A/B' person in terms of my career so also pretty meaningless in tattoo terms.

I'd like to post a pic of mine as I think even the tattoo haters would find it hard to slag off but it's very unique and I wouldn't want to be outed!