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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:

Thread gallery

madcatladyforever · 19/04/2020 09:27

There are tattos and tattoos. My friend who is a brilliant tattoist is covered from neck to toes and look fabulous. She has embraced the lifestyle and can pull it off because she is a flamoyant artist with style and taste. She always looks good.
Then there are tramp stamps.
I guess it depends on which category you fall into.

happytobeheresparkl · 19/04/2020 09:28

Get it booked !!

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 09:29

@madcatladyforever i think it's important how much you spend on a tattoo aswell. I've known people to spend £30 on one and you're just sat there thinking oh no this isn't wise. However, i would always do my research beforehand and make sure i get the real deal for however much it is.

Iamthewombat · 19/04/2020 09:29

Oh dear, how desperately awkward, you do see that I said “one of”. Yours wasn’t the comment I was referring to.

Let’s see the comment you were referring to, then. Then we’ll decide whether you’ve added any value to the thread.

rayoflightboy · 19/04/2020 09:30

Seriously people who are thinking of having a tattoo on their forearm in 20/30, look at the people who had them done then, and are in 40s/50s. It really doesn't look good at all.

Im 47 and have a sleeve,i dont care what people think.I dont get my tattoos for anyone else.

And the ones saying about cost,you are allowed to sped money on yourself.
The poster who said about buying art and hanging it in your house,seriously thas not the same thing at all.

And buying jewellery instead,so if you need money you can pawn it.Do you even read what you write,thats just so ridiculous.

I dont care what my tattoos will look like when im 70,i got them because i liked them.Live in the here and now.You could be dead tomorrow.

Lillipop87 · 19/04/2020 09:31

If he would leave you over a tattoo I would be asking serious questions about your relationship tbh. He's entitled to voice his opinion but at the end of the day it is your body and your choice. he gets no say in what you do with your own body..threatening to leave over something like this is strange are there deeper issues going on do you think ?

Mumofboysngrls · 19/04/2020 09:31

I got a lower back tattoo back when I was a teenager in the early 00's and I am not one bit offended by ppl that refer to those tattoos as "tramp stamps" or "chavvy" cos honestly I agree they are!
It's right up there with a fake Burberry cap or grown men in full tracksuits. That's not saying that every single person who wears a Burberry cap or has a forearm tattoo is rough or chavvy but its just not my personal preference as a grown up.
My tattoo was a mistake that I regret. My husband lies and says its sexy which I appreciate because there's not much I can do about it now (getting it removed would leave me with a scar which wouldn't be much better) but I reckon if I suggested getting another one he'd prob hit the roof.
I think OP's husband was just being honest about his worries regarding another tattoo... not in my opinion controlling. He was a bit nasty in referring to the other tattoos as disgusting though.

phoenixrosehere · 19/04/2020 09:31

Your husband does sound controlling. He knew you had tattoos when he met you. You’ve been together for over a decade and now he has such an issue he’s willing to divorce you over it.

I’d be highly suspicious and wondering if something else is going on. Throwing a decade long marriage away over a forearm tattoo sounds ridiculous. He was attracted to you knowing you had tattoos and went on to have a child. Was he just tolerating the ones you have all this time? Was he faking his feelings for you or settling? Or, did he just get used to them which means he could get used to this one if you do decide to get it. If he is willing to break up his family over this, it says something about him and it’s not positive. Does he realise a divorce will cost him more than that tattoo will? I’d wonder how he would explain this to your three year old.

ememem84 · 19/04/2020 09:35

What are A/B people? And c1? Am I just being thick that I don’t know what that is? or maybe it’s my tattoo

The only thing I think is silly about tattoos (again personal opinion) is when people get them on their backs. A friend of mine has a huge back piece. The art work is incredible. But she can only see it in the mirror. She’s spent hundreds on it to only be able to see it backwards!!! (Or the right way but in a photo:..) baffles me.

I’d only ever get them in places I could see myself.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 09:36

Oldestchild, You don't get me. I love tattoos. I just don't like ugly tattoos. I have never seen beautiful tattoo on anyone past 40s on their forearm.
Example like soontobe60 is different, she has done it recently, so still very beautiful.

oogers · 19/04/2020 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 09:39

My sister is a primary teacher and she always says there is a direct correlation between the parent having a large, visible tattoo of theIr child’s name and not doing reading or homework with them. 🙃

I would be very disappointed if somebody so closed minded was teaching my child.

It's only closed minded if she makes assumptions or predictions based on seeing the parents' tattoos. It's not closed minded if she is speaking about her actual experience of those parents' levels of cooperation, is it?

Widowodiw · 19/04/2020 09:39

I’d get a tattoo and leave the door open for his exit.
Also as you already have tattoos is this what he thinks of you already.

madcatladyforever · 19/04/2020 09:42

@madcatladyforever i think it's important how much you spend on a tattoo aswell. I've known people to spend £30 on one and you're just sat there thinking oh no this isn't wise. However, i would always do my research beforehand and make sure i get the real deal for however much it is.

Totally agree, I'd spend ages finding someone really good. I would never just choose any tattooist

Hardcandy1 · 19/04/2020 09:42

Sorry @Soontobe60 but that tattoo screams tacky at me. You‘ve got a massive flower the whole way down your arm. It’s incredibly tacky.

Op Arm tattooes are the worst. They are outrageously tacky even if someone doesn’t mean them to be. A discrete tattoo on ankle etc is all well and good bit the monstrosity you’re describing with roses and stop clocks and dates and names sounds disgusting. Like those men who wear wifebeaters who have massive roses with I love Angela inscribed on them. Gross.

Can you not compromise on something more subtle And smaller like maybe your child’s initials and a star on your ankle? I’d be embarrassed to be seen out with my husband if he got one of those.

Buccanarab · 19/04/2020 09:42

I have a sleeve tattoo, amongst others now, that covers up some massive keloid scars from an accident I had as a kid. I went through most of my childhood and teens self concious and embarrassed and hated the constant reminder of the accident. The scars really effected my life to the point I don't think I wore a t-shirt at all in my teens and would go to huge lengths to avoid anything that involved having that arm exposed. Getting the tattoo was one of the best decisions of my life and I still remember the sense of coincidence and relief I had when it was finished and I felt I had something to be proud, rather than ashamed, of.
Reading that many people now judge me as a chav, tacky and potentially bad parent is so saddening and I'm so glad I don't have people like you in my life.
I have to wonder what happened in your lives to make you so judgemental? Do you feel the same about people with scars, birth marks or burns or about people who dress differently?
If you're one of the posters who feel this way about tattoos I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

Sorry for the derail and rant OP.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 19/04/2020 09:42

It's your body. If you want a tattoo you get a tattoo. If he leaves then that says it's all anyway

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 09:42

@Crimsonnightlotus fair play, you are entitled to your opinion! Oh you mean like because i'm in my 20's it'll be interesting (or awful) to see what they look like in years to come? Well mine are colourful to be honest and i do wonder, but we'll wait and see!

Fimofriend · 19/04/2020 09:43

Sure of course your body your choice. So obviously it would also be Okey dokey for you if your DH got a Hitler moustache and four nose rings? His body,this choice, right?

Leflic · 19/04/2020 09:44

People seem very obsessed by “ judgement” on here. If no one cared or passed comment it would be exactly the same as skin surely. So why would anyone bother.
Some people have tattoos where no one can see them because they know the affect they have on people. So it’s stupid for people with tats to pretend that it’s everyone else’s issue.

The fact lots of people are telling Soon she has a lovely tattoo which is also “ judgement‘ , is the hypocrisy.

GinDrinker00 · 19/04/2020 09:48

I’d purposely get loads of temporary tattoos and put them all over you and wind him up. What a wanker, it’s your body your choice it’s not like your getting a skull tattooed on your face!

SunshineCake · 19/04/2020 09:52

before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle
Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

This is like Katie Hopkins slagging off people who name their kids after places while forgetting she has a child called India .

I don't like tattoos as my terrible mother has one.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 09:54

Oldestchild, it's no point thinking about the future when you are in 20s, but me and my friends are all 40+ now. It's nothing to do with actual tattoo, it's more to do with the skin texture, at 40+. And it's permanent, and it's not easy to get rid of it later.

Thymelord · 19/04/2020 09:56

This thread is awful. As a PP said, it's laughable that people would pay to read content like this from venomous judgemental bigots with too much time on their hands. I am disgusted.

oogers · 19/04/2020 09:57

Agreed thymelord, this is why so many are pissed off with mn and going to that other site

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