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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
GreytExpectations · 19/04/2020 08:55

Tattoo on your forearm makes you sound like a sailor

The 1950s called and they'd like you to go back to them.

OhTheRoses · 19/04/2020 08:56

What I don't understand is why your DH's response is so robust when you already had tattos when he married you. A little late to decide he doesn't like them.

However, your child's name, date/time of birth with a rose does sound rather naff. If you have another child, you will have to have another one to make sure they feel equally valued, and what if you have five or six children.

hesgotit · 19/04/2020 08:56

The 1950s called and they'd like you to go back to them.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

BrooHaHa · 19/04/2020 08:56

It would still be controlling. The fact that you can't see that through your judgemental eyes is quite shocking actually.

I don't mind tattoos. Could never have one because I'm bloody indecisive and would hate it the afternoon after, but that's by the by. You can see it as controlling or as a statement of fact. Would it be better if he said nothing and then promptly left her after she got the tattoo, without warning her that would happen? I think it's only controlling if he doesn't actually intend to leave if she follows through. Otherwise, I'd consider it fair warning.

nicky7654 · 19/04/2020 08:56

@Soontobe60 Beautiful tattoo xx

DanceWithYourBalloon · 19/04/2020 09:00

People's dislike of tattoos has clouded their sight about what the actual issue here is. The fact you don't like them is irrelevant, it's the controlling aspect of her husband's behaviour that's important here.
If OP had said her husband was controlling what she wore or who she saw, you would all be telling her to LTB.

OP you need to make it clear to your husband that it's your body and your choice. Ask him to think about what he's said and if he would actually throw away his life as he knows it over something as superficial as a tattoo.

youcantchoosethem · 19/04/2020 09:02

My husband told me he would leave if I got a cat...

I got a cat....

He is now my ex husband

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 09:03

Meh, GreatExpectations. Am I obsessed with what? I just responded to the comment, not obsessed with your oh/dh whatever. The reason why I said what I said was there's always 2 people in relationship. Not because I am obsessed with your partner. And you know that. Hw bizzarre.
How I can't see thorough my judgemental eyes? You are the one judging me.

Incontinencesucks · 19/04/2020 09:08

Yanbu. I don't like tattoos and wouldn't get one but if i did then an attitude like your husband's would have me doing it all the more! Your body. Not his.

ineedsun · 19/04/2020 09:09

Some people like tattoos, some people don't.

Some people live and let live, some people feel like their interpretation of other people's behaviour and choices is fact.

All of life is a spectrum and mumsnet is one of the places that we are exposed to that.

We can decide whether we want to spend time with people who have different views to us or whether we don't.

The name calling feels unnecessary but to be honest, at least if people show themselves that way it allows others to decide if they want to be around them.

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 09:09

By the way, when this is all clear (COVID-19)

Any one going to any chav fests this year?
We normally go to the Ally Pally tattoo show, but are looking to go to others too. Any recommendations? 😁

Proudboomer · 19/04/2020 09:10

Your body your choice but then you have to take responsibility for your choices so only you can decide whether you take his threat seriously and are prepared to end your marriage over it.
There is an element of control in him saying he will leave but then no one should stay in a relationship they are not happy with for any reason whether it be a change to the body or a change in thinking.

If you do go ahead with the tattoo I would modify the design. Stopwatches and clocks are used a lot in memorial tattoos. Although they can also be used to remember important events in life most will be for the dead.

SinglePringle · 19/04/2020 09:12

I really dislike tattoos. And I really really dislike tattoos on the arm. Especially large ones. Think they look truly awful.

That said, that’s just my taste - others think they look beautiful and that my ‘naked’ arm looks boring and dull.

Your body. Your choice (but I too would think twice about a partner who had one such as your intending).

user278654 · 19/04/2020 09:13

I think that you need to look at people who have had tatts for a number of years and think do I really want them to look like that and be able to live with them.

BigFatLiar · 19/04/2020 09:13

He married you with your tattoos by the sound of it assuming that you were done with them. You are allowed to do what you want and not take his views into account. He is also allowed to have his view and if he sees this as the breaking point then do be it., he's allowed to split. Let's face it you like tattoos and he doesn't, these won't be the last you'll get. If he can't face living with the tattooed lady then so be it. Neither of us have tattoos and I don`t think I'd have married DH if he'd had tattoos and he wouldn't have married me if I'd had tattoos, they can truly divide the room with opinions.

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 09:15

All these people saying 'your body your choice' well of course it is.

The question is whether making that choice is worth repelling your husband for, for something that's just unnecessary and indulgent and of no real benefit.

He's just telling you honestly how he feels about them. Why would you not care anything for his opinion, when it will affect how attracted he is to you?

If he said he was going to grow a massive bushy moustache, or start wearing a toupee, or chunky gold rings on every finger, and a big gold medallion, or he wanted to wear make up and have long painted nails, and you pleaded with him not to because you found those things repellent on a man and couldn't feel the same way about him, how would you feel if he ignored you on the subject and did it anyway?

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/04/2020 09:15

It’s your choice to get one but his choice to leave if he wants to.

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/04/2020 09:16

I agree with @GeraniumJohnsonsBlue

Rosehip10 · 19/04/2020 09:17

You don't see many A/B people with tattoos. Maybe C1 and below.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 09:19

Seriously people who are thinking of having a tattoo on their forearm in 20/30, look at the people who had them done then, and are in 40s/50s. It really doesn't look good at all.

ScarletFever · 19/04/2020 09:21

@TonyChestnut

Out of interest, what's a stop clock? Is it the same as a stop watch, or is it a typo of stop cock and are you a plumber?

Well I'm going to have a moving clock tattooed.... Grin

I like (and have tattos) but do worry how well the watercolour ones will age though, will they just become a blob?

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 09:23

You don't see many A/B people with tattoos. Maybe C1 and below.

You are right. I know a few, but they tend to have them in places that are hidden when they are fully dressed.

Aweebawbee · 19/04/2020 09:25

I think that the watercolour ones in pinky orange could be mistaken for an injury or bad skin condition. At least the dark ones look intentional.

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 09:25

@crimson

Well i'll give you a call in 30 years and still explain how many fucks i don't give about your opinion.

0htooooodles · 19/04/2020 09:27

Wow, truly amazed at how awful people are on this thread.

OP it's your body, your choice. I certainty wouldn't let my DH dictate whether I could get a tattoo or not.