Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

[Peyton2020]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

I don't think you can discriminate against things like tattoos these day. Only time i would say is if you had a swear word or something offensive tattooed on your arms and everyone could see. Apart from that..

Mumsnet at its absolute worst.

Posters salivating over typing errors, the usual fairly thick “tattoos are shit” brigade.

I find it really quite telling that when controlling behaviour is displayed, it’s ok when it’s over a tattoo.

It makes me laugh that MN want us to pay for this content it would be like paying for The Sun.

Oh and one of the remarks picked up on by previous said “I’m so clever” wazzocks with an oh so witty put down was actually correct....awkward.

So a man is telling his wife thay he finds her body disgusting and he’s trying to control what she does with her body and people are actually supporting him in that.

Would those same people be happy if their little girl married someone who called her disgusting and threatened her if she did something with her body that he didn’t approve of?

It's your choice. Whether it's a deal breaker or not is his choice. Either he's very controlling about your body or he really hates tattoos- or the marriage is pretty much on the rocks anyway. Which is it?

*I'm over 40, two kids, super active in the kids' school and hold down a demanding professional career and I'm at 7 tattoos so far with plans for more. It doesn't make me trashy or chavvy or any other of the nasty adjectives used on this thread.

Sorry, but yes it does*
@TheSandman
And the fact that you hold this opinion about someone's appearance makes you a bigot. What a shame that you're unable to accept other people's different opinions on something so commonplace.
Do you say the same to people who dye their hair, wear make up, or do other things to their bodies? It's rude, insulting and unnecessary. Nobody is telling you to like tattoos, or even have one yourself. Keep your hateful thoughts to yourself.

Dear god!

A man is threatening to leave his wife and child unless his wife diors what he wants and the comments are full of comments like this:
If the tattoo is more important to you than your marriage then go ahead.But don't start whining when your a single mum with kids living alone.But at least you'll have your tattoos to keep you company.

So the woman's role is to ignore her own wants and opinions and maintain the family unit at all costs by putting her husband opinions over her own?
Does that also apply to what she wears, who she socialises with? Her job?

The husband is being a petulant controlling arsehole, and threatening to break up hid family, but it's the OPs responsibility to keep him happy

Are we in the fucking 1950s?
There are some disgusting posters on this thread

Marie queen of Scots, so why you reading 13 pages of comments if its so shit

I think it's nothing to do with tolerating controlling behaviour. It's just about personal taste. Same as if you like the person with body piercing.
You will be judged.

Your body. Your choice.
Simple.

If you’re arguing over this your marriage is doomed anyway.

While it is your body, he does have to look at it, so if you love him I would take that into consideration.

I would leave DH if he got a tattoo because I think they’re truly awful and I wouldn’t fancy him anymore, but on saying that he didn’t have any when we got together, has never wanted one and is aware of my hatred of them.

You have the right to get a tattoo, he has the right to decide it’s a dealbreaker and he doesn’t want to be with you if you get another one. So knowing that, what will you do?

I’d think your marriage is more important than a bit of permanent ink.

Tats are grim on women.

Wow the comments on here just keep getting worse. Go on, Mumsnet, continue to support husband controlling their wife's choices about her body. You are just proving to everyone how hypocritical you are

Also, the people who say shit like those with tattoos are "trashy, chavy, vile, bad parents etc." tend to be those lovely adjectives themselves

I think it's nothing to do with tolerating controlling behaviour. It's just about personal taste.

Not really, no. Personal taste doesn't give someone the right to control another person ffs.

Tell him that's fine, and ask him which half of the week he wants 24/7 care of his child. You'll soon find another tattoo won't bother him at all.

so why you reading 13 pages of comments if its so shit

Helpful to know which posters in their current guise are thick and/or unpleasant.

No surprise to see a couple of usual suspects here.

I have 4 tattoos , 2 I had before meeting my husband . He has no tattoos and would never get one but paid for my last one for my birthday .
He is not a fan of them but he knows I like them and that I wouldn’t get one if I wasn’t 100 % sure but that’s why I’m not covered as I take a really long time to decide if I really want it .

Lenny, totally agree.
Why is it always so extreme? Partner threatens if they do something against their will. In my life nothing is like that at all. Normally comes to the compromise.

I’d think your marriage is more important than a bit of permanent ink

One could quite easily say that to the husband...

@Soontobe60 I never knew Watercolour Tattoos were a thing until this thread. That's my 60th birthday present to myself sorted for next year!

Get the tattoo. Unless you’re getting a cock on your forehead it’s really going to have little impact on him. Most people I work with have tattooed on arms, legs, chest. I have 5 tattoos, going to get another after lock down too. I’m not a ‘chav’ by any means, but I think describing people that way actually says more about the person using that adjective than the person with a tattoo 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not a fan of most tattoos and find this ongoing obsession of marking "life events & milestones " with ink quite strange. Why would you want your childs name and birth date on your body, are you going to forget them? My wifes family have all started to get "poignant" tattoos after the loss of a loved one, it's all a bit beyond me as to why its necessary to mark your grief, love or loss in this way, will every death have to be inked on the body to become graveyard artwork? I would'nt leave my wife over it but she's aware of my thoughts. Maybe you both need to understand each others perspective and come to an amicable compromise, that's what marriage is after all and how relationships work.

Only on Mumsnet would such controlling behaviour be excused over tattoos.

@Crimsonnightlotus

I think it's nothing to do with tolerating controlling behaviour.

Please explain how threatening to leave your wife and child unless your wife does what you want is not controlling?