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Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Shoxfordian · 19/04/2020 07:08

Why did he marry you to start with if he thinks tattoos are so disgusting? It sounds to me like it's something he enjoys criticising about you and yes, he is being controlling. Its your body and you don't ever have to compromise on bodily autonomy to be with someone.

HandfulOfFlowers · 19/04/2020 07:11

It's your choice ultimately. Personally I don't like tattoos and have never met anyone who looks better with a tattoo than without.

Luckystar777 · 19/04/2020 07:23

Hmmmmm. You already had 3 and he still got with you anyways, so they don't repulse him that much. You were good enough for sex etc. but if you get another tattoo that's the end?!!? Lol, he's a fucking prick.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 07:25

I love tattoo. It's a beautiful form of art. But forearm ones, I'm not sure. It looks great when you are younger, but it start to look not so great when you start to age with less elastic skin.
People posted their tattoos on this thread all look beautiful and original.
But rose and clock doesn't sound very classy.

Luckystar777 · 19/04/2020 07:28

Jesus, he 'wouldn't be able to look at me' - that's true love right there. It's your body and if you want one, you'll damn well get one. If he doesn't like it, he can fuck right off and later explain to his child when it grows up that his wife repulsed him.

Goatinthegarden · 19/04/2020 07:28

Look, tattoos and whether you like them or not is a matter of personal taste. An obvious tattoo makes a bold statement about the person with it to everyone around them.

I like some tattoos that I see, I really hate others. I have some discreet tattoos on my body that I got in my early 20s pre-DH, even some close friends don’t know about them. They’re not there for others. A forearm tattoo is out there for everyone to see and make an opinion.

If my DH got something big and obvious done to his body that I found aesthetically displeasing or vulgar, I might feel differently about him. That can’t be helped, I’d be entitled to feel like that. He’d be entitled to do what he wants, but I would let him know in advance that it might put me off him.

ememem84 · 19/04/2020 07:29

@Soontobe60 beautiful art work there!! I had an appointment booked 2 weeks ago to get my tattoo extended a bit. But lockdown.

A friend of mine has watercolour flowers all up her arm. They are beautifully done.

Dh isn’t a massive fan of tattoos. But more because he’s so indecisive he reckons people will get bored with them because he would.

This is mine.

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
TonyChestnut · 19/04/2020 07:32

Out of interest, what's a stop clock? Is it the same as a stop watch, or is it a typo of stop cock and are you a plumber?

Kid's name and date of birth? Do you have short-term memory problems?

Joking aside... if you like it, do it!

rwalker · 19/04/2020 07:32

Tattoo's are such a personal thing you like them or you don't . You all ready had them when you met. When you meet someone you take them as there are tattoo's an all.
If DW had tattoo I'd struggle to get over it and I know she doesn't like them I would never have one out of respect to her .
I do like tattoo's but just think what would my 82 year old mum look like with big rose tattoo'd on her arm .

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 07:36

Wow, woke up this morning to find people are still being horrible about tattoos 😂

I had lots of hate over mine, by old bastards mainly 😎

Luckystar777 · 19/04/2020 07:39

FFS, a lot of people on here who don't know what love is. You love the person REGARDLESS of their exterior.

chatterbugmegastar · 19/04/2020 07:43

It's your body your choice

But - he has to look at the damn thing and for me, I think tattoos are vile.

Why not compromise and have this tat somewhere where it's less visible - leg?

GreytExpectations · 19/04/2020 07:46

Well, Mumsnet is showing its true misogynistic colours on this thread, eh? Telling a woman her husband controlling what she does to her body is OK all while making nasty judgments about other womens choices, even insinuating that having a tattoo makes someone a bad parent... Thought you all claimed to be the "Best feminists EVER! "🙄

GreytExpectations · 19/04/2020 07:49

I had lots of hate over mine, by old bastards mainly 😎

Yup! Hating in tattoos seems to be a very anti woman thing, quite sexist actually. Guess Mumsnet aren't really as feminist as they want to think they are. Fwiw I have tattoos on my arms and nobody in RL seems to even care. They are on show at work because I work for a modern company. Oh and I may not be a parent yet but I completely forgot that they will automatically make me a bad one! Hmm

Cornishclio · 19/04/2020 07:50

You can obviously choose what to do with your own body but your husband has a right to say how he feels about it. If he felt he could not get past his aversion and would leave you over that then you have a choice. Maybe the others are more discreet or he loves you in spite of them if you had them done before you met. Having one done after you marrying in spite of him saying he hates them is different. Is it worth risking your marriage over?

I am also think some employers view tattoos and judge those who have them or does that not matter to you either? Like it or not some people do judge those with tattoos. Personally I could not care less but I would not have one. If someone I loved went and got one I would like to think I would not be disgusted by it though.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 07:51

Luckystar, I am not sure. They can love who they already are, but it's up to the person to have an opinion if their partner decided to change their appearance. Even I do love tattoo, I would say I don't like it if my dh suddenly decided to have one done now on his forearm. I have seen too many not so good looking ones on friends, and it's there to see, all the time. You can choose better place, if you are not in 20s.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/04/2020 07:55

I really really dislike tattoos but my DH knows this so if he decided to get one it he knows it would be a deal breaker for us. He knew this before we got serious though.

Love and attraction are very different and you need both imo in a relationship.

Charlieiscool · 19/04/2020 07:56

Do you need a reminder of when your child’s birthday is? The tattoo will put you in a certain chav category and if you are comfortable with that look for the rest of your life then go ahead.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/04/2020 07:57

Cornishclio my employer hates tattoos, he told me so himself. He hired me out of about 100 other applicants anyway because I was the best in the interview and he said he's glad he made that decision.

Tattoos on arms can be hidden in the workplace with long sleeves anyway.

Oldestchild90s · 19/04/2020 07:57

@greytexpectations Oh no, i'm 22 weeks gone with my first.. bad chav mum to be here 🎉

VanWinkle13 · 19/04/2020 08:00

I'm not a massive fan of them (though I think that one posted is beautiful) but there's no way I'd leave my husband if he got one. That's just ridiculous!

If you want the tattoo get the tattoo. He won't leave.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/04/2020 08:04

It's not just some employers, in some country like mine, the person with tattoo is unwelcome in certain places.
I used to work in airline, and some of my British colleagues with tattoos are declined entering hotel pool. That's fact of life. There are pure prejudice and I don't agree with it, but people will judge you.

Wallywobbles · 19/04/2020 08:04

This would be a deal breaker for my husband. I've always known that. It's his boundary. And your body. No ones wrong. But the two desires are incompatible.

sugarlost · 19/04/2020 08:07

The word disgust is really harsh. Do you think he may be using this as an excuse to leave?
I think there are ways of saying things and his language and threat is hurtful. I hope he doesn't normally speak to you this was as it can be damaging emotionally..just my opinion.

Hope you're ok x

thriftyhen · 19/04/2020 08:09

How much would it cost? Perhaps the money could be spent in a better way. If you buy a bit of secondhand gold or silver jewellery to adorn your body then if you're ever short of money, it can be sold and you'll get your money back, but with a tattoo, the money's gone and you can't get it back. If you're well off financially, I guess that this doesn't apply to you.