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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Sonichu · 19/04/2020 02:56

TaTtOoS aRe DisGusTiNg AnD tAcKy!!!!!11 ffs that's not what the OP asked and no one cares.

Sonichu · 19/04/2020 02:59

Why do tattoo threads always bring out people falling over themselves to tell us they're disgusting/tacky/manly/they'll look shit when you're 70/you're a grown woman not a teenager/ yOuRe SkIn iS beAuTiFuL wHy ScRiBbLe On It???11

No one cares and it's not what the OP asked.

CurrentBun1981 · 19/04/2020 03:09

Well, he can't control you but part of me thinks it's not unreasonable to let you know if it's a real dealbreaker for him (as opposed to just walking out).

A lot of posters on here believe in unconditional love but I'm sceptical tbh, and I think men are even more this way. If my partner piled on the weight for example, I'd probs not find him very attractive. He'd be in a better position than a stranger as I do love his personality, but my sexual years are long from over and I don't want to be shagging a fatty if I'm honest. It'd definitely put him on thinner ice.

CurrentBun1981 · 19/04/2020 03:11

Also, who gives a shit how they'll look when you're 70. Your boobs will be tickling your kneecaps by then!

Lou670 · 19/04/2020 03:25

Personally I don't like tattoos but I would never tell people what to do. It is your choice. We lost one of our dogs in January this year. My daughter got a tattoo of his head on her wrist. I don't like it, but it her choice and I respect that.

I am going through something similar. I smoke and my husband hates it. I don't smoke in the house. I smoke in the garden and yet he still moans about it. He knew I smoked long before I met him. I don't understand why (if he detested it so much) he married a smoker! His argument is that he thought I would stop.

Your husband should accept you and your choices. It sounds like controlling behaviour on his part. I know how difficult it is I am in the same situation. Noone has the right to dictate to you about your lifestyle choices. Personally if someone gave me an ultimatum like that then I would be inclined to tell them to jog on.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 19/04/2020 03:30

@Thesandman - no it doesn't. It your opinion it makes me trashy and chavvy. For context, your post makes you seem like a narrow-minded ass - doesn't mean you are though.

Dubdubdubtub · 19/04/2020 03:50

Just seen my typo of wide birth Grin
My tattoo is my kids name in a heart and 5 tiny butterfly’s to resemble the babies we lost. Every time I look down I remember and smile.

CurrantAffairs · 19/04/2020 04:11

Just seen my typo of wide birth

You'd have to be careful if you went for another tattoo. You wouldn't accidentally want 'wide girth' tattooed above your arse!

stellabelle · 19/04/2020 04:26

You both have a choice . You can get the tatt if that is what you "really really want" and he has the choice to hate it / leave you. It's up to you, which of these is more important to you.

Durgasarrow · 19/04/2020 04:29

Why would you disfigure your body in a way that your husband finds unattractive?

Harakeke · 19/04/2020 04:36

”Bloody hell, there's some judgemental people on here tonight!”

Welcome to mumsnet Hmm I saw someone comment the other week that drawing on the footpath with chalk was “common”. Some right awful snobs here.

MummytoCSJH · 19/04/2020 04:48

Wow. I genuinely can't believe the people saying 'why would you do that if he finds it unattractive?'. Almost as if a woman's entire purpose isn't to be attractive to men, but that they are actually people who can enjoy things and express their personalities in the way they choose to look... Hmm

AlternativePerspective · 19/04/2020 04:52

You joined especially to post this at 10:30 on a Saturday night??? During a time when you know it would be impossible to get one anyway probably for the foreseeable future? I imagine places like tattoo parlours will be some of the last things which will be re-opened due to the risk of infections following a tattoo???

Obviously you can choose to have a tattoo if you really want one. Equally though he can decide that that is a dealbreaker for him.

On here people always say that someone has the right to leave a relationship for any reason or no reason, and the same applies here.

If he feels that he cannot stay married to someone who chooses to have a tattoo, or anything else for that matter, then that is his choice, just as much as it would be your choice to go ahead anyway.

It’s whether you are prepared to go ahead knowing that this could spell the end of your marriage.

I had a BF when I was younger who told me that if I had my hair cut off he would end the relationship. I did and he didn’t. But if he had that would have been his choice. I wasn’t going to not get it done just because he made threats to end the relationship, but I already knew he was controlling and this was a bit of a rebellion iyswim. IF your DH is controlling as a rule then I would be thinking about more than whether it’s just the tattoo which is the issue for your marriage or whether there are bigger issues at play.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 19/04/2020 05:31

I hate tattoos and think they look shit but if my other half wanted one is not say anything. It's his life. He is being very controlling.

bettybattenburg · 19/04/2020 05:37

I don't like tattoos at all but it's your body and your choice, if he's stupid enough to leave because if it then tell him to shut the door behind him, then change the locks.

hesgotit · 19/04/2020 06:03

My sister is a primary teacher and she always says there is a direct correlation between the parent having a large, visible tattoo of theIr child’s name and not doing reading or homework with them. 🙃

Is your system Katie Hopkins? She sounds equally awful!

hesgotit · 19/04/2020 06:04

@Soontobe60 I love that tattoo, but did it hurt a lot I'm a wimp!

hesgotit · 19/04/2020 06:12

*sister not system

Notpanickingjustyet · 19/04/2020 06:15

My husband got a tattoo a couple of years ago over his elbow. I was quite upset and hated it. I never wanted him to get it done.
I married him with tattoos (and never liked them) but somehow having a new one whilst we are together is worse.
I never left him though Hmm

HairyToity · 19/04/2020 06:36

I also don't like tattoos. It sounds rather a big tattoo. Even if you do not split it will cause angst. I wouldn't.

BaroleCaskin · 19/04/2020 06:47

Why not get a lovely professional painting done on a canvas of the roses and stopwatch, and hang it somewhere in your house? That way you can have the art, it's just not permanently attached to your skin?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 19/04/2020 06:54

I think the tattoo is a red herring . As others have said , he married you with tattoos so what's changed? All of a sudden they are disgusting? Or he married someone thinking they were disgusting?
Maybe there are bigger problems than tattoos here .
It's a moot point at the moment as you cant get one done , so no point making lockdown anymore miserable by arguing about this every day .
Maybe use this time to have a think about what's really going on.
Fwiw I love tattoos I have 6 and want more:)

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/04/2020 06:58

My ex also doesn't like tattoos. I had none when we met. During the time we were together I got 2. After that he said no more please as he didn't like them. I wanted more but didn't get any out of respect for his wishes.

As it is we ended up divorcing anyway (for different reasons) and since then I've had more tattoos. I wish I'd just got them when I wanted them. I love my tattoos. They're a part of my identity, they've given me more self confidence. I love the way they look. They are important to me. It might be hard for some people to understand if you don't like tattoos but that's how I feel about mine.

user1480880826 · 19/04/2020 07:01

He’s entitled to his opinion although threatening to leave and effectively saying you disgust him (since you already have 3x tattoos) is very unkind.

How would you feel if your husband said he was going to get his nose pierced? Or get gold teeth? It’s ok to have an opinion on what you find attractive and it’s reasonable not to do things to your body that make you unattractive to your partner.

It’s all very well saying “your body, your choice” but when you’re in a relationship you have to learn to compromise and keep the peace.

Hmmmm88 · 19/04/2020 07:04

I like tattoos but not on women's arms. Couldn't you have it on your back or somewhere you can cover it up if you wanted to