Irritated, irritable and irritating. AIBU to be tolerant in RL and tell them to get fucked on this thread.

[fuckinghellthisshit]

IABU. Unreasonable and I know it.

I am just so fucking irritated at the moment. Everything is grinding my gears. DD's constant fucking exercising, DS leaving his shit everywhere, DH's following me around and just fucking breathing everywhere.
I am being a model of kindness and tolerance but I do wish every bastard one of them would fuck off.

And face timing my DGM97 every day at exactly 6pm to watch her slowly lose her shit (she's been in lockdown for 6 weeks already) and become unkempt is horrendous. Arguing with her for hours about politics (she lives for these debates and asks for robust challenging - good for her mh she says) is exhausting. I just want to lie down, I don't care what Mark fucking Steel is saying today - he can get fucked too.

My mean GD97 who has been living in isolation for 40 years and never wanted a visit or call but suddenly needs the warmth and kindness of his family - well the women in his family, and I am especially sought after as the busiest person. Fuck you mean old man, you are alone for a reason! you made your miserable lonely bed now lie in it!

My normally sane DM is in full lunatic mode, needing constant love and reassurance, leave me alone! I am your child! What about me! Why not rind one of my many bastarding twat brothers. And stop cooking for 12-18 people - there are only 2 of you there - that's why you're getting so fat - not stress hormones.

My tribe of idiot brothers who all refused to accept there was any problem and spouted full Trump rhetoric until my DGM's neighbour died and then had massive mantrums demanding I send them all food. Get fucked!
.
I love these people so very much. I also loved my small business and working, and being on my own a bit. I care so much, but I want a break and a vent. So here, in the safety of MN, I will tell them all to get fucked.

Thank you, I feel so much better now.

Not many of the bottles are full.

Now down to 2 bottles of whisky.

My spelling has gone to shit I see, oh well. More rum, more irritating twats carrying on. The cat keeps sticking her randy arse in my face and kneeding me like a horny baker. It's a metaphor for my life really, everyone vents their frustrations on me! Sweet baby jesus let me be alone for 30 god damn minutes.

@exerciseinmypyjamas are you going in? Hold your nose, down in one. It's the only way love.

Oooh - what’s the marmalade gin like, @YouTheCat? I have some Seville orange gin which is nice, but I love marmalade.

I have a wonderful whisky collection - the dses have got hold of the idea that I like smoky whisky, and it makes a perfect Christmas or birthday present. Sadly I can’t drink as fast as they give it to me.

I should use lockdown to practise some more, shouldn’t I?

@YouTheCat, have you ever tried a good glug of Kahlua in a glass of very cold milk? It's delicious, like an alcoholic iced coffee.

@fuckinghellthisshit the only thing that stuff is fit for is liberally sousing the christmas cake. DH swears that by the time I have finished feeding the cake it's more brandy than cake.
You know those urban myths about food putting you over the limit- I think last years cake would have done it fo'sho

I like the sound of that a lot! I wonder if Kahlua counts as an essential purchase?

@SchadenfreudePersonified I love this article www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2017/06/pets-dogs-cats-eat-dead-owners-forensics-science/

yeah, they'd eat you up quick smart, meat is meat eh? haha

DH can eat a piece of toast in 4 loud huge bites, why he feels the need to tickle his tonsils with every mouthful, I have no idea.

DS (10) calls me Mother, fuck knows why, but "Mother, Mother, Mother" (always said in 3s) was grating before lockdown.
He asked me to order a game on amazon, it's late arriving. "Where's my game, has my game arrived, I'm going to look by the door, mother mother mother, can you check amazon, can you check your email, mother mother mother, is my game here yet?"

DD hasn't been too bad but she wants her own space so went for a walk. After an hour, she wasn't home so went to look for her. Found her up a huge tree in the park listening to music. "FFS what are you doing up a fucking tree...?"

Dog wants to go out, dog wants to go in, out, in out, do the doggy-cokey....then he has a mad hour at 7pm where he chases the cats and barks at every sound.

"mother mother mother, I'm hungry, what can I eat?" 40 billion times a day.

"Mother mother mother, when's dinner?" Said an hour after eating lunch

DH breathing, sighing, constant sighing...not apparently sighing at me or anyone but doesn't understand it makes me feel something is wrong...and apparently nothing is wrong, he just sighs.

Fucking neighbours being The Best Parents Ever and aiming for Parents with Megaphones of the Year. Except they're not, they just swear at their kids all day and blame each other for swearing at the kids all whilst telling Alexa to play the next song.

"Mother mother mother, is my game here yet..."

@LakieLady defo essential. White Russians or nearest equivalents (I love milk, rum and Kalua) all round, the Dude speaks the truth: www.thekitchn.com/the-celluloid-p-16-8755

The marmalade gin is really nice. Dd bought me it for my 50th - with her handy discount because she works in Fenwick.

The Kahlua was bought to make Black Russians. There's also an ancient bottle of Tia Maria and some Stone's green ginger wine.

I need Bacardi, Schnapps and some Malibu and lots of mixers. Then I can open a cocktail bar in my kitchen.

My DH has developed a cauliflower arse

@meowcatmeow I feel the irritation thru your user name. SOLIDARITY!

Stop answering to "mother" say "who are you talking to" look confused. Ignore until he starts calling you by your chosen name. If it takes 3 weeks so be it.
I empathise with your girl, a tree sounds really appealling.
Tell DDog to fuck off to the back of fucking beyond. Fuck that shit.

Horny baker and cauliflower arse 😂😂😂

@YouTheCat I have a miniature of Kraken Rum, yum! The Blue Curacao is a hard sell thou.

The bloody tortoise won’t stop scratching in his box...he’s trying to get out. DH just says ‘he’s going to have to go’. He just wants to go outside now he’s awake. ThatS the Dtortoise not DH

On the drinks front I have plentiful supply. My prize possession is fondly referred to on our annual Christmas doo is ‘testicle juice’. It’s actually homemade plum vodka. Needless to say the plums are left in the juice....looking very much like, well, testicles!! It’s fatal stuff. When I hear my mates say ‘ hey giraffe, you got some testicle juice for this year’ it does make me chuckle!!!

@Bonnetdedeuce please elaborate....

Well it’s like a cauliflower ear really, gets all rubbery with over use, from sitting on it a lot

.

The blue stuff is great in cocktails. We only really do them on New Year's Eve but feel like I might start early this year.

Also have a bottle of Moet. I'd saved it for a year to celebrate my divorce coming through. Divorce came through in March but wasn't feeling like celebrating. Might have it when this shit is over.

The Blue Curacao is a hard sell thou

There used to be a cocktail bar in Brighton that did an amazing cocktail called a Blue Parrot. It was blue curacao, gin, lime juice and lemonade iirc.

My friend drank so many one night that he was shitting blue poo the following day. He thought he had something dreadfully wrong with him, and rang me to ask if I thought he should go to hospital.

Luckily, I'd been out with him that night, so was able to identify the cause of this strange phenomenon.

Pmsl @ "testicle juice"!

I'm on the gin now.

I can, with heavy heart, confirm that rather than orange deliciousness or even some kind of frothy unicorn goodness (candy floss? idk) the egg contained in a Unicorn Smarties box tastes of tears and emptiness.

On the plus side we have a full drinks cabinet. I recommend that whatever you have, you chuck inn some ice cream.

Tia Maria, baileys, ice-cream and a squirt of chocolate syrup is lush.

Blue curacao with a shot of vodka, lemonade and a scoop of ice-cream is called a blue lagoon and is also lush.

Tonight I have finished the Xmas advocaat by adding lime smirnoff, lemonade and ice cream.

You're welcome.