To continue driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Please be brutal
I posted a while back about my anxiety about driving.
Basically new ish,mature driver. Didn't drive straight after passing
Then bought a car
Too scared to drive
Manoeveres a big weakness
That's it in a nutshell.
Just before the corona lockdown I was gaining a bit of confidence. Driving to the supermarket and parking in a quiet and empty spot.
Short,familiar routes.
Then came lock down and whilst I'm generally happy to use public transport I thought maybe I should reduce my risk and minimise the time travelling by using the car I have.
So roads a joy to travel on.
I even went to work which is normally a very busy route.
Parking still a major anxiety but I parked away from busy parts.
Supermarket carparks were much busier but still i parked okay.
I've still been very anxious about being in a situation where I'm forced to reverse or do a manoeveres as this is when I panic.
So basically I've been avoiding any potential situations.
Then today I went to do a big shop. Supermarket car park rammed.
I should have turned round but I parked and then panicked when I realised I'd have to reverse out .
I dont mind if lots of space but cars either side and a row behind me.
No issue for any normal person,but i was panicking already.
Anyway to my shame I had to call DH to move it.
It's now made me think where do I go from here.
I was getting to a stage to gettng reasonably confident but i could do with parking practice.
It's not the right time to go out for random drives though is it.
Also I've got work Monday which i was planning to drive to. After today's debarcle though I'm worried my normal parking place might not be available and i will panic or get in a situation that DH can't help with.
I know I sound stupid but am I wrong in carrying on atm?

Thanks fudge. DH did offer to do that but I think I was too embarrassed by that point I just wanted to get home.

I am categorically not paying for more lessons to go over the same thing and to have the instructor say I'm fine.

Then you are dangerous and irresponsible and I sincerely hope that it's only yourself you end up killing and not someone else when you inevitably cause an accident.

I can really relate to this. I had a lot of lessons as a teenager, from the same instructor who taught my dad (best driver I know). He sat me down and said, this isn’t for you. You don’t understand where the edges of the car are, you don’t seem to grasp how to turn the vehicle, and you don’t drive in a straight line. You shouldn’t be on the road.

I’ve never learned. I’ve compensated by ensuring that I always live near public transport and I walk a lot. I don’t ask for lifts. People ask whether I don’t want to learn now. But I feel like driving is a privilege, and I would be dangerous.

There’s a thin line between those who just need more confidence and those whose anxiety and/or skills are simply too strong for driving to be a sensible thing to do. If you think that you’re the former - fine, but build it through lessons.

probably not as much as risk as people using their mobiles to text( round by me It's women).
Or on the phone (by me,it's men)
Speeding/racing

This is whatabouttery at it's worst. We aren't talking about speeding drivers or drivers on mobiles which obviously is not good. You can't bring that up. It's like saying what about drunk drivers. All these things aren't good but you bringing this up is trying to say I'm not that bad, I just can't reverse or pull in and out of a space, I'm not on my phone or speeding.

OP you can do this if you want to.

Yes I can do it. I am not paying for lessons.
Not because I am arrogant or stubborn. Just because I have already been taught it all and what I need is actual practice.its a question if funding a quiet empty space to go over it in my own time.

I've seen many threads on here about only really learning after you pass and it's the same with most things.
You get taught it (same as my job) but then it's the doing it on your own that's the hardest bit.
Unfortunately I live and work in a nightmare area.
Lockdown has meant it's been a joy to actaully drive but very difficult to find time to safely practice parking and manoeverung.
I cannot belive that every one on here passed and was shit hot at everything!!how did you all practice or did you all have extra lessons. Some people are obviously massive bullshitters.
I have spoken to lots of people in real life who say not great at XY or Z in relation to driving
People who don't use motorways,don't drive in the city. Park in our work car Park but park on the street instead.

Up until now I have built up to driving fairly frequently, to work(occasionally), the shops,school and taking dc to some places.
I felt I was ok doing What I was doing.

Yes I needed to get to grips with more difficult parking, but I struggle to see how ppl are saying that i will invariably cause an accident
How? This has upset me really.
I've been parking on residential streets That aren't busy. How is that unsafe.
I think the fact that I have said I struggle with reversing my car has been taken out of context.
I haven't actually done any dodgy manoeveres. I've just worried about them.
I haven't physically moved the car if ive been unsure.
I wish I hadn't posted in a way. I've opened myself up to ridicule.

screamed I don't think I'm quite that bad. I do drive straight. Getting to grips with my own car was a but of a challenge compared to the instructor but it's lovely to d rice now.
I passed first time with hardly any minors.

Lovely to drive**

OP (and others correct me if I am wrong). You don’t know which way the car will go when you reverse - as far as I recall, whatever way it would go forward is the same for backward.

ie when turning the wheel if your left hand goes down the car goes to the left when going forward. It also goes to the left when going backwards.

Right hand down turns the car to the right. Whether backwards or forwards. Practice.

I do my supermarket shop at 9.30pm at night as the shop shuts at 10pm. It’s deserted. As is the car park. That would be a good time for you to do your shopping too? Reverse out of your space pretending there are cars behind you in the marked rows of parking spaces. When you think you have reversed enough get out and see if you are where you guessed you were. That could help you practice? Or park with a trolley bay behind you and pretend it’s a parked car and reverse out.

You need more lessons. Why you outright dismiss that idea I don't know. Find a new instructor. Say you have passed but are not confident with reversing maneuvers. They will happily take you to car parks and streets and spend the lessons just doing reverse park, parralel parking etc.

Few hours will do it. ~£20 a pop. Job done? Drive happy rest of your life

That you're getting a bus at the moment rather than use a car to increase your health safety tells me you should not be in a car.

Frankly, if I'd called my husband as you did he would, by now, have told me in no uncertain terms to deal with it.

No one jumps in a car directly after passing their test and is a super-confident driver.

But everyone that gets in the car after their test should be confident enough, be competent enough and have sufficient skills to get confident quickly.

OP you will be fine. It does take time to feel confident about manoeuvres.

Two things that helped me:
Realising that only the front wheels change direction. The back wheels are fixed. So if you drive into a space and you park with your wheels straight, all you need to do to get out is go straight back for a bit. Don’t turn the steering wheel until most of the car is out of the space.

The other thing was: I practised with toy cars to see the angles involved. It helps if you have two or three toy cars with front wheels that turn like real cars.

This all might make me sound really stupid, but I don’t really ‘get’ left and right. Anyway, people now tell me I park like a ninja. So it worked for me. Good luck!

You are "that bad" because you had to call someone else to get your car out of a parking spot!!!

Absolutely what LonelyFromCorona says.

You don't need to book a series of lessons, but you do need to have someone give you the right instructions when it comes to parking, whether that's in a car park or in the road.

Yes it is a case of practising, but it sounds like you need someone in the car with you who is able to teach, not everyone can, and your husband might not be the right person to do it. You need that person to have the patience to let you do it over and over until you get it right and feel confident.

You're being short sighted to completely dismiss the idea of lesson, it would probably only take one lesson, if you concentrated on this problem and it would be money well spent.

No the reason i normally get the bus to work is i work in a very busy area. I live in a place where public transport is excellent. I have subsidised travel. I will not pay petrol to drive in these circumstances. I'm.happy travelling by bus and train

The only reason I feel I should use the car now is due to the virus and the fact buses are being used by morons it seems- going to visit their mates.
So I've been driving 9/10 times depending in what days im working.
However,due to the comments on here it's made me feel that i am clearly too risky to be out and about.

elieza
Thanks. Before lockdown I was going to supermarket at quiet times and it was fine.
Sometimes id park where I could drive in and straight out-piece of piss.
Or drive in and reverse out .
Again fine as the places I'd park didnt have are behind me so no pressure. It's a very big superstore that's too big to ever be full.
I get the way the car moves when reversing and I do actually to reverse the are sometimes! It's just I dont want to practice this skill in a busy car park with cars around.

The reason i panicked the other day and called DH is because every space around me was full and there was a queue to come in the the car park too. The only time seen it that busy is at Xmas.
I probably could have done it slowly on my own. But i didn't want to do it under pressure.
Also DH was around the corner walking the dogs on the field so close by.
I didn't call him out from work or anything!!
I have had extra lessons with an independent instructor who didn't teach me previously.
They were good and patient and took me to several different situations to practice.
Fine with someone next to me to talk me through any difficulties, but they said I need to just get out there.
I would never learn with DH I'd murder him.

cardsforkittens
Thank you

I cannot belive that every one on here passed and was shit hot at everything!!how did you all practice or did you all have extra lessons. Some people are obviously massive bullshitters.
I have spoken to lots of people in real life who say not great at XY or Z in relation to driving
People who don't use motorways,don't drive in the city. Park in our work car Park but park on the street instead

I was probably a useless driver after I passed but I just kept doing the bits I didn't enjoy. Every day if I could. I knew how important it was. I was useless at reversing into a space, I practised endlessley and nailed it. I do not know one person who won't use motorways, or park where there's no cars in case they have to reverse, or anyone who says they can't do certain aspects of driving. The only person I knew about 30 years ago was the one who wouldn't turn right and she was a danger!

Please don't be upset OP. But also please don't make out it's OK to avoid bits of driving you don't like either. Because one day you will be forced to do it, and it might go a bit wrong and you will end up giving up driving altogether.

And you say you had to call your DH because the carpark was full and you could have done it if you weren't under pressure and could've done it slowly. Well... you couldn't because you had to ring him!

Just do it slowly. Zone out drivers peeping, zone out everyone and try. It is really giving up to have to call someone to move the car for you.

I drove confidently for 10 years and then after a very near accident my mind forget everything I needed to do to make the car move and I became a liability on the road.

But I practiced until I got in right again. OP shouldn't practice late at night where there are no other cars and work out exactly what they need to do for each manoeuvre. I found saying out loud exactly what you need to do as you are doing it really helped.

I cannot belive that every one on here passed and was shit hot at everything!!how did you all practice or did you all have extra lessons. Some people are obviously massive bullshitters.

Don't need to be shit hot. Just safe and competent. Being able to park and reverse and know which way to turn the wheel is not being shit hot. Its basic. And yes, I was a bit nervous of very narrow streets with lots of parked cars so I did the

Hit post too soon, I did the responsible thing and took a pass plus course.

I have parking anxiety too, I drive a long wheelbase van, for reasons which are too complicated to go into here! I am gradually getting better, but I park in places that I won't have to reverse out of, or that people can't park so that it will be difficult for me to get out of. It isn't that I can't do it but rather that, like you I panic at the thought of it, it is not logical, and no amount of practice will help. I did have 'steep hill' anxiety when driving, as I had a fear of my van not being able to get up hills! but I am over that one. It is all to do with my general mental health after a number of tragic events in my life, none of them involving driving or accidents, it all just seemed to affect my confidence. I have not been officially diagnosed, I have just come to this conclusion on my own, as I don't want to go to the Drs and go down the medication route.
Sorry I can't really give any advice, but sometimes knowing that other people suffer similar problems helps a bit.

You have a driveway & your street will be quieter now as fewer people are out driving. Go and practice reversing your car off the street and onto your drive - from both directions. You won't get good at it unless you practice & you have all that you need to do this right at your door. You don't need to go anywhere to do this.
You could also park DH car on the street and and use it to practice parallel parking behind too.
Just do it, all I've read so far is excuses about why you can't do it

I've been driving since 97 and still rate supermarkets as one of the most hazardous places. I will always park in a quiet area. I'm always waiting for a car to shoot out of a space without looking as I'm driving past

Thanks queen
Good that someone gets it!!.if I really had to do it in sure I would. I have done bits if driving that i find uncomfortable.

A few weeks ago I had to do manoeuvre whilst leaving work
It was a bit of to -ing And fro- ing and happened as I didn't really forward plan.
I go out ok but luckily no one was around so less stress.
If rather not though if I don't have to.
Although I do acknowledge that i do need further practice generally.

userI'm not looking for excuses!honestly. I have been driving ,.which by default is practice and experience.
I do have to park at these times. No it's not parallel or reverse bay,but I do have to park!
My question was should I carry on driving with the anxiety I have re: reverse situations and/or is it unreasonable due to lock Down go out at quiet times and do further practice.
I dont think I'm unsafe with my general driving. And I won't attempt a manoevere if not safe to. I do not want further lessons as I am Armed with the info and nèed a empty space on my own to process and do it.
I.have had a go on my drive but I live in a busy busy street.

It's quieter since lockdown but not totally quiet like most residential areas,as there are businesses and shops here too.