To continue driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Please be brutal
I posted a while back about my anxiety about driving.
Basically new ish,mature driver. Didn't drive straight after passing
Then bought a car
Too scared to drive
Manoeveres a big weakness
That's it in a nutshell.
Just before the corona lockdown I was gaining a bit of confidence. Driving to the supermarket and parking in a quiet and empty spot.
Short,familiar routes.
Then came lock down and whilst I'm generally happy to use public transport I thought maybe I should reduce my risk and minimise the time travelling by using the car I have.
So roads a joy to travel on.
I even went to work which is normally a very busy route.
Parking still a major anxiety but I parked away from busy parts.
Supermarket carparks were much busier but still i parked okay.
I've still been very anxious about being in a situation where I'm forced to reverse or do a manoeveres as this is when I panic.
So basically I've been avoiding any potential situations.
Then today I went to do a big shop. Supermarket car park rammed.
I should have turned round but I parked and then panicked when I realised I'd have to reverse out .
I dont mind if lots of space but cars either side and a row behind me.
No issue for any normal person,but i was panicking already.
Anyway to my shame I had to call DH to move it.
It's now made me think where do I go from here.
I was getting to a stage to gettng reasonably confident but i could do with parking practice.
It's not the right time to go out for random drives though is it.
Also I've got work Monday which i was planning to drive to. After today's debarcle though I'm worried my normal parking place might not be available and i will panic or get in a situation that DH can't help with.
I know I sound stupid but am I wrong in carrying on atm?

Could you practice with DH at first? Somewhere quiet then work up to busier places. Then on your own. There's a knack to reversing into spaces and parallel parking which, as a learner, I thought I would never conquer!
I m so glad my dad made me go out every day and do it multiple times.
I live on a street where its easier to parallel park than drive into a space so I m glad its just something I ve known for years. There are usually no spaces you can drive into.
If you ve passed recently you're still getting to know your car so keep going.
Dont stop driving. Its such a good skill to have.

@Alsohuman because someone who cant even reverse into a parking space is likely to be nervous in other areas of driving too. Like the people who hesitate on slip roads and round abouts.

But then, you couldn’t even figure out why you shouldn’t reverse out of a parking space so I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

But I do disagree thatbi can't go to a car park and park faraway in an empty area. Why?

Because of exactly the situation you describe now. Carparks are rammed because of the virus.
So you're on holiday and go to a Tesco with a small carpark, unlike your normal Tesco. What do you do?
So you go to a concert, really busy, very few spaces. What do you do?
So you take your DC to a party in a sports centre, very few spaces. What do you do?

You can control your driving but you can't control how busy carparks are! (as you are finding out now)

You can't just ignore the part of driving you don't like.

As for the public speaking, I could not avoid it. So I change my career because I havent even tried? No. I had to try. So it's a different analogy because if I had changed career because I didn't want to public speak, it wouldn't have affected anybody. But me and my self esteem.

You not being able to park will affect others. Because of the above situations. Do you think it's OK that the person I knew who wouldn't turn right in her car? It's no different. Being able to reverse is part and parcel of driving..

p.s. I don't know anyone, or known anyone in my life, who wont pull into a space with cars either side. I think your aunt or friend or whoever it is, isn't helping.

longeared
I dont mind busy roundabouts probably as I've had so much practice as a a learner. And now
I live in a big city.
Joining dual carriageway fine
Not done a motorway.
Country lanes a few I would say but I'm not in the countryside.
I know manoeveres are slow but I don't like the pressure aspect I suppose.
When i say I don't know which way to go i mean sometimes i find it difficult to picture which way the car is reversing out. I don't struggle going forwards obviously and I know logically it's the same but still i worry

I haven't attempted anything dangerous.
I park outside my house by the kerb.
I have got a drive but my street is incredibly busy.so after initially realising it was too stressful I abandoned that.
DH uses it anyway as his car is bigger.

The thing is... you want affirmation why this is OK. You want posters to say, don't worry, carry on like you are.

You are not reading and taking in the suggestions, the encouraging posts, the 'you can do it' posts, the ways of practising. You just want us to say 'no problem'.

It is a problem. If you can't work out what to do with the steering wheel when reversing, it's a huge problem. And you should tackle it.

*because someone who cant even reverse into a parking space is likely to be nervous in other areas of driving too. Like the people who hesitate on slip roads and round abouts.

But then, you couldn’t even figure out why you shouldn’t reverse out of a parking space so I wouldn’t expect you to understand*

Given that I’ve driven thousands of miles accident free for over 30 years, I think I understand perfectly. I’ve been reversing out of parking spaces all that time too. And I’ve managed it all without insulting people.

I haven't got an aunt or friend advising me rousette.
I'm speaking generally
People I chat to at work, or who i know.
Not saying they are all quivering wrecks but many say they park in a quiet bit of a car park.
Why wouldnt I ,as an inexperienced driver make life easy?
I go to tesco/Sainsburys and half way across the car park say to the middle is busy with people trying to get as close to the door so they dont have to walk.
The other half is emptyish. No brainer
There are cars still and I have parked by them but it's not either side, in front and behind me.
There.are other odd people parked there too. Obviously they must be as incompetent as me!
I do agree about going on holiday taking dc to events etc and this is why I know I will have to be ok at it at some point.
It's just I was hoping to build my confidence up. And now i can't just drive round tesco on a non essential journey .

Because of all the scenarios I posted in my last post.

You cannot guarantee quiet carparks. As you are finding out. This is just avoidance.

Personally I don't know anyone who would park miles away because they don't want to park in a space with cars either side. Not one person. It is not the norm whatever you may say. Even my ancient parents used to nip into spaces close to the doors.

I do agree about going on holiday taking dc to events etc and this is why I know I will have to be ok at it at some point

Why not now? I appreciate covid affects journeys out, but without that, why not now?

Sorry OP, I really don't want to sound like I am having a go at you. I just wish you could realise you can do it and make plans to practice non stop as soon as you are able.
Whether that's on your own, with an instructor, with your DH... what suits you.

I'm.not parking miles away. I'm parking at the far end of a supermarket car park. Within the ground of the shop
It takes me approx 2 min to walk to the door as supposed to the lazy folk who just wanna roll out their cars. I actually love walking. I know lots of people don't.

OP you are just desperately trying to justify why you can't reverse out of a space.

Miles away was just a phrase I used. I realised you were in the carpark somewhere.

And now... those who can do reverse parking and park at the nearest available space to the supermarket entrance are lazy folk.

OK... if it makes you feel justified, your choice

I love walking too. I save it for country rambles. Walked 6 miles across fields yesterday. I'm on a walking mission, and have walked over 250 miles since beginning of the year. I don't include supermarket carparks in that figure though!

And thanks to all that jave encouraged me and the advice.
I think what I wanted today was that i know my limitations. I'm only just learning now I've passed(which is what a lot of people say). And I'm doing my best. Yesterday I realised my limitations were more than I.thought.
If like to get out and practice more.but I don't want to make non essential trips.
I'm a key worker and exposed enough.
.but to no keep practicing in way I feel comfortable or get off the roads as I'm unsafe with my current limits

You'll never learn to park between cars with confidence if you keep wanting to find an empty car park for practice, that's not going to help as the obstacles that you seem to fear so much are not there.

Honestly, you sound like a liability. You cant figure out which way to turn the wheel, why cant you see how dangerous and ridiculous that is! Supermarket carparks are full of the unexpected. The kid that escapes their parents, the trolley blown in the wind, the old person who is dead. If you're so busy trying to work out which way to turn a wheel you're not concentrating on your surroundings. A car is a weapon in the wrong hands!

It's not that hard for gods sake. Reverse to the left, turn the wheel to the left, to the right, turn the wheel to the right. Better still learn to reverse park, it's easier. In fact no, better still stop driving and let someone who actually knows how to drive go to the supermarket!

I just dont understand why so called "anxious" drivers thinks its acceptable to put others at risk by being on the roads when they seem terrified of doing so. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

*deaf not dead

OP your problem is not where you park. It’s the panicking. Anyone who panics behind the wheel is dangerous imo. Panicky drivers cause accidents. If you need to call your DH to come and move your car, there is a problem.

so everyone who can competently park in the spaces you can't park in are lazy because they do so?! Stop trying to make yourself better those drivers are just better at parking than you

I'm a bit upset that i will have to use public transport

You don't HAVE to though. This is a choice you are making. You are choosing to avoid a stressful situation - parking - by avoiding it altogether. It is not going to be practical going forward to never park anywhere with other cars around you. You're not prepared to practise. You're not prepared to have more lessons. You're not prepared just to think fuck it, people will have to be patient while I reverse in.

So crack on with the bus then?

'It takes me approx 2 min to walk to the door as supposed to the lazy folk who just wanna roll out their cars'

I'm sure I speak for others too in saying that it doesn't make you lazy to park in the closest space to the shop. That sounds ridiculous and unfortunately seems as if you are saying others are lazy, to justify your own need to park in an empty spot far away where there are no other cars due to your parking fear.

Are you saying that if you were the first one in the car park, that you would still then choose to park a 2 min walk away from the store because you enjoy walking? I should probably imagine that you would park by the shop doors and feel thrilled that you were able to do so!

It's coming across as though you have an excuse for everything. It's always somebody or something else's fault. If you truly believe you should continue to drive the way you currently do, avoiding very basic manoeuvres in case remembering to turn the wheel left to turn the car left sends you into a flap, then there's nothing strangers on the internet can tell you that will make any difference. You are in denial and blaming everybody/everything else for your inability and unwillingness to drive safely. I desperately hope some other family don't end up paying for your poor decisions.

arrow
I agree that 'anxious ' drivers can put others at risk by being too hesitant.
probably not as much as risk as people using their mobiles to text( round by me It's women).
Or on the phone (by me,it's men)
Speeding/racing
Not indicating-happened today when I took children for a walk.

Okay
Well pineapple. I clearly do have to ,as most posters are saying fobt drive as im unsafe

No bananas i would not park by the shop door in between cars so i have hardly any room to open doors or get dc out when i can have a bit more space and safety but still.close. Even DH does. And he is probably the most experienced and defeat driver that i know.

Busy supermarket car parks are the worst places to drive and the worst places to reverse out of a space. It doesn't matter how careful you are, there is always someone who doesn't look properly and/or goes too fast. Add pedestrians with trolleys who don't keep to walkways and don't look and they can be a nightmare. I've been hit by other drivers twice in supermarket car parks - all fault with the other drivers.

Keep driving, your confidence will grow. You need to something about panicking though. I think it would have been better if your DH had got you to pull out of the space safely instead of doing it for you. Maybe take him with you, but you drive next time you go?

People are contradicting me and changing my words.
In one respect people are saying do not drive,you are a liability. Then saying you can't avoid it. So should I practice in a busy car park during lockdown on a non essential journey?
Wait till after lockdown to drive?

Then others are saying I'm going to cause an accident. How?by parking in an empty space or on a quiet street. Or as I did yesterday, feeling out of my depth and not getting in the car at all. Not a great move for a driver,I agree. But not dangerous. I did not get in the car. Or move it,or steer the wrong way.

The times I have been out were before lockdown in a superstore car park with the odd car dotted about.
Again,crap driving by mumsnet standards but not dangerous at all.