To continue driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Please be brutal
I posted a while back about my anxiety about driving.
Basically new ish,mature driver. Didn't drive straight after passing
Then bought a car
Too scared to drive
Manoeveres a big weakness
That's it in a nutshell.
Just before the corona lockdown I was gaining a bit of confidence. Driving to the supermarket and parking in a quiet and empty spot.
Short,familiar routes.
Then came lock down and whilst I'm generally happy to use public transport I thought maybe I should reduce my risk and minimise the time travelling by using the car I have.
So roads a joy to travel on.
I even went to work which is normally a very busy route.
Parking still a major anxiety but I parked away from busy parts.
Supermarket carparks were much busier but still i parked okay.
I've still been very anxious about being in a situation where I'm forced to reverse or do a manoeveres as this is when I panic.
So basically I've been avoiding any potential situations.
Then today I went to do a big shop. Supermarket car park rammed.
I should have turned round but I parked and then panicked when I realised I'd have to reverse out .
I dont mind if lots of space but cars either side and a row behind me.
No issue for any normal person,but i was panicking already.
Anyway to my shame I had to call DH to move it.
It's now made me think where do I go from here.
I was getting to a stage to gettng reasonably confident but i could do with parking practice.
It's not the right time to go out for random drives though is it.
Also I've got work Monday which i was planning to drive to. After today's debarcle though I'm worried my normal parking place might not be available and i will panic or get in a situation that DH can't help with.
I know I sound stupid but am I wrong in carrying on atm?

When the car parks are less busy, don't let yourself park in spaces that are drive in and straight out, you need all the practice you can get. Always try to park in one between the lines and straighten up, even if there are no other cars.

I found supermarket parking really hard when I first started driving but it honestly does get easier. Though even now decades later, I do sometimes bizarrely worry about parking somewhere new (and some multistorey car parks give me the willies). Parallel parking is my nemesis, because I very rarely have to do it - I'm great at reversing into a tight space though because I reverse up onto my drive several times a week.

Go with your partner to a car park, when not busy try reverse parking, reersing out of a bay ect. When lock down over contssct an instructor who can give you guidance on manoeuvres. I am weak on manouvers (perticularly parellel parking.) But recognise it comes with practice and also knowing your car.

I felt the same as you , sleepless nights before driving , Emotional melt downs in car parks , having to be rescued by strangers, all very very embarrassing
After lots of practice and just keep on doing it I’m totally fine , still hate parking tho

@Alsohuman reversing into a space is safer because visibility is always worse when you are driving backwards.

It isn't very likely that obstacles are suddenly going to move into a space you are reversing into. Much better to move forward out of a space into the car park when leaving, you can see people and other cars crossing your path much more easily.

Sorry OP, but i don't think anyone should be on the roads who considers just leaving the car in a parking bay until someone can drop what they're doing and come along to get it out for you, a reasonable reaction to a maneuvere they struggle with. You need lessons.

I am categorically not paying for more lessons to go over the same thing and to have the instructor say I'm fine.
I DO need to practice lots but on my own in a quiet place to be comfortable in my car.
And thats exactly what I would be doing if it wasn't lockdown.
And I don't feel it's appropriate going out to Tesco to have a little drive right now.

I was happy just doing what I'm doing and parking in a place that's not too challenging for now. But according to the responses it's too dangerous

Actually, it will be knowing DH can't come to move the car for you that will push you to make the correct manoeuvres when parking at work. Driving is more confidence than skill and I only learned that after being even more timid than you after passing my test! Whatever you do, don't stop driving. Small drives, big drives. If you have a small incident (i.e. struggling to reverse out of a space, stalling in the middle of the dual carriageway), go home, shake and cry and cringe and then drive the next day. Please please keep driving, the fact that you're scared is because you are cautious and that will make you a good driver. You may have a scrape or two but you'll thank yourself for pushing yourself to continue x

PS, you felt you were getting somewhere before lockdown BECAUSE you were practicing. You feel like this now because you have less opportunities to practice. So stopping won't help. You are legally qualified to drive as much as any other crazy driver out there making dangerous manoeuvres. I actually have more faith that someone like you will try not to cause an accident than the people I drive around in London.

What answers are you looking for OP? Because you clearly not actually care what any experienced drivers have to say. Keep doing what you’re doing, hopefully you won’t cause an accident.

OP, ignore all the usual tedious posters telling you you are a danger to other road users, you clearly are nothing of the sort. I can guarantee you none of those posters passed their tests and were shit hot at parking straight away I love driving and I’m what you might call a ‘natural’ driver, but I still had to practice reversing into a tight space before I nailed it.

You just need to practice, loads.

Ok I’m a bit confused now. What are you asking us for? Also, how long have you been driving?

It’s a bit concerning that you don’t know which way to turn the wheel when reversing, that makes you really rather dangerous as a pedestrian could be waiting safely out of the way for you to manoeuvre, you reverse and panic and instead of going the other way, reverse right into them.

I think you need to make yourself do it until it’s second nature. Don’t keep avoiding it. Spaces you can pull into and out of are not to be expected. But it’s a difficult time to do that.

Or you need more lessons. Really. I know you don’t want that but you’re not ready to be on the roads.

Or you need to go out with your H.

Or you need to stop driving.

Alsohuman. I agree
Car park I go to usually has a whole block of empty spaces yo just drive through so I'm facing forward when i leave its easy and it's safe.
There a no way I'm going to deliberately squeeze in a space by the door where lazy people go.

It’s just practise really. I know it’s hard now what with lockdown, but don’t give up.

OP I get it. Try watching tutorials on you tube and pick out the key parts to remind yourself when your mind goes blank.

What i was looking for is a response about whether shoukd continue.driving/practices in the current situation.
My actual driving has come on loads but my parking less so as car parks too busy.
I was mortified that DH had to help and I'm not planning on making that a regular occurrence believe me!
I won't be reversing the wrong way and killing pedestrians as i would attempt something if it wasn't safe. Hence the fact that up to now I've parked in big car parks where it's impossible to be blocked in
Not ideal I know. I admit I need to work on this. But it's safe.

Before the covid there was whole rows of empty spaces. Ones I could drive in and straight out.Why wouldn't I do that if I can

Because you can't carry on driving the rest of your life like this! Come what may, you are going to have to get over this. It is ridiculous that you think this is OK. It is not.

I meant even if I wanted lessons I wouldn't be able to with the current situation for a very long time
You're making excuses. It might be just a couple of months, who knows. Your NO to more lessons is ridiculous. If you can do it with an instructor, you can do it full stop. And you have to go for it, the day after your last lesson with an instructor and you've done it with ease. Drive to a supermarket, drive into a space, reverse out of it. Avoiding it takes you back to square one. Next day do the same again. Even if you don't need the supermarket! Repeat daily until you do it without thinking.
Saying the instructor was no good even though you were fine doing it for for him is just an excuse for avoidance from you.

Your DH did you a disservice coming to get you. If he hadn't you would have had not choice but to get out the space. And you could have pat yourself on the back and thought 'there we go, I managed it, next time I will be better'.

I liken your situation to me and public speaking. Decades ago I embarrassed myself in speaking to about a dozen people at work. A very long time went by and I had a new job. And I actually had to get up and talk to about 50+ people. I had to do it. If I hadn't I may as well have given up my career, there was no avoiding it. The first time was seriously awful, but as time went on, I did some breathing techniques and got through it and actually got really good at it. Before I retired I stood on a stage in front of 150 people for 2 hours. So proud of myself looking back.

You can do it. But stop avoiding the situation because it will become such a 'thing' that you will never ever conquer, and to be honest you should give up driving if you don't even try or call your husband or whatever.

OP, ignore all the usual tedious posters telling you you are a danger to other road users, you clearly are nothing of the sort. I can guarantee you none of those posters passed their tests and were shit hot at parking straight away

Lol, where I’m from you wouldn’t pass a test if you couldn’t park. Thought it was the same everywhere tbh.

Agree grumpy. I remember my first car parking in a space. It was scary. But I just knew I had to do it. And keep doing it. Again and again.

To my mind, not being able to get in and out of a space, is the equivalent of the person I knew who would never turn right!

OP, I'm curious, as you say parking is your only problem. But how are you with large busy roundabouts with lots of exits, filtering into traffic, narrow country lanes with passing places, or joining dual carriageways/ motorways etc? The reason I ask is those are the things most new drivers find most nerve wracking, simply because you are dealing with (often fast) moving traffic. With the best will in the world driving at 2 miles an hour near stationary vehicles in a car park might cause embarrassment if you dent something, but it will generally not be harmful (unless of course you keep turning the wheel the wrong way and drive into someone). How long have you had a full licence for? You should really be getting out as often as you can and experiencing every type of situation. Now is the perfect time with the lighter evenings and mornings. You must also have to park your vehicle every time you finish using it. Is that problematic as well?

grumpyfucker
I did.pass my test though and I reverse parked

I did.pass my test though and I reverse parked

So why aren't you doing it now? There's no excuse whatsoever. You can't pick the bits of driving you like and not do the bits you don't. Driving is not like that! We have to be prepared for anything

The only way your going to get good at parking In busy car parks is to keep parking in busy car parks. Practising in empty or quiet ones is completely pointless as you will only panic again when there are more cars and pedestrians.

Whichever way you park, there is going to be a reversing manoeuvre. With the best will in the world, you kind of need to get over it. I learnt to drive at the age of 28, because I needed to get my son to nursery by my office, which was an hour drive from where we live. Within two weeks of passing, I was driving up and down the A40. The second week, on the way home, I got caught in a torrential downpour - I was shitting myself, but had no choice but to push through it, as there was no where to pull over. It’ll be pretty much the same in whatever situation you find yourself in, take your time, other drivers will have to wait.

rousette I disagree. I know I am asking for advice.
But I do disagree thatbi can't go to a car park and park faraway in an empty area. Why?
I see lots of other people doing it. And I have spoken to frie ds and relative who do the same. Maybe not as fearful as me but park in an empty part.
You don't get a brilliant driver badge by reverse parking near the front if the supermarket doors
And your analogy about the public speaking I disagree with too.
I wouldnt particularly want to do a job where I had to speak in front of dozens of people!great if a job is that important to you and you actaully want to push yourself, but personally I j wouldn't want a job where I had to do that and make myself uncomfortable.
Work is bad enough without being a nervous wreck.

What answers are you looking for OP? Because you clearly not actually care what any experienced drivers have to say. Keep doing what you’re doing, hopefully you won’t cause an accident

There are plenty of experienced drivers who think she’s fine. What accident is she likely to cause by being über cautious in a supermarket car park?