To continue driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Please be brutal
I posted a while back about my anxiety about driving.
Basically new ish,mature driver. Didn't drive straight after passing
Then bought a car
Too scared to drive
Manoeveres a big weakness
That's it in a nutshell.
Just before the corona lockdown I was gaining a bit of confidence. Driving to the supermarket and parking in a quiet and empty spot.
Short,familiar routes.
Then came lock down and whilst I'm generally happy to use public transport I thought maybe I should reduce my risk and minimise the time travelling by using the car I have.
So roads a joy to travel on.
I even went to work which is normally a very busy route.
Parking still a major anxiety but I parked away from busy parts.
Supermarket carparks were much busier but still i parked okay.
I've still been very anxious about being in a situation where I'm forced to reverse or do a manoeveres as this is when I panic.
So basically I've been avoiding any potential situations.
Then today I went to do a big shop. Supermarket car park rammed.
I should have turned round but I parked and then panicked when I realised I'd have to reverse out .
I dont mind if lots of space but cars either side and a row behind me.
No issue for any normal person,but i was panicking already.
Anyway to my shame I had to call DH to move it.
It's now made me think where do I go from here.
I was getting to a stage to gettng reasonably confident but i could do with parking practice.
It's not the right time to go out for random drives though is it.
Also I've got work Monday which i was planning to drive to. After today's debarcle though I'm worried my normal parking place might not be available and i will panic or get in a situation that DH can't help with.
I know I sound stupid but am I wrong in carrying on atm?

I'm nervous of driving. Been driving 10 years but it makes me nervous going somewhere new or unplanned. Good luck OP it does get easier

Ok, so how do you respond to yourself when you start to panic about parking?

You need to figure it out yourself next time. It's the only way to build your confidence.

Go slowly and don't be ashamed to get out and look if you're not sure.

I remember your last post.

Well done, you went out and drove to the supermarket when you could've just stayed at home! And busy car parks panic me a bit too so no wonder you felt a out of your depth.

You do need to keep up with the good work and keep going out. Like I said in my post last time, I was the most nervous driver, had to sit and talk myself into driving after passing my test for hours. But I'm so glad I did and I'm so glad I kept going, even when I was so anxious otherwise I'd have just wasted all my driving lessons and hard work and I'd have given up my freedom for nothing.

There isn't really anything for it except keep forcing yourself to drive. You will freak out on the car and feel a overwhelmed in certain situations but you need to keep pushing yourself, there is no way around it.

Irony is also that it's usually easier to reverse in once you're confident than trying to drive in at a 90 degree angle.

You can get additional small mirrors that fit onto your wing mirrors to help with parking. I have one on each side. The smaller convex mirrors are angled at the ground, leaving my wing mirrors at the perfect driving angle, also with a view down the side of the car. This gives much (much) greater visibility when parallel and reverse parking. It might be just the comfort you need to grow your confidence. I’d second the “GOAL” comment too... get out, visualise the path your car needs to take when you are outside the vehicle, get in and make the manoeuvre slowly and calmly. Good luck and keep practicing :)

I only passed my test towards the end of last year and I was so nervous about parking. It's still not the thing I'm greatest at, but I know that every time I park, I am at least safe. If it takes multiple attempts then so be it. In a busy car park, I know you're conscious of other drivers getting inpatient but you just have to ignore them. Take your time, go incredibly slowly. Be ready to stop at any moment and do stop if you need to, even if it's just to regain yourself. Just take your time and fuck everyone else. I had P plates and I think they helped to make me feel less anxious about other people being inpatient, but now it's their problem if they're inpatient. I know that I'm doing it safely and if that means slowly then I don't care.

Lots of great advice here.

Definately practice, and definately reverse into spaces. It might make you anxious to hold the traffic up a bit while you get in but much much safer in the long run and generally more straight forward. If you are reversed in it really doesn't matter how tightly / badly someone parks next to you but it matters a lot if you then need to reverse out!

You always have the option to take more lessons.

Don't give up - it'll get better. I used to be terrified of parking and I'm loads better now.
But your DH should have said no when you called him to move the car. Then you'd have had to solve it and chances are you'd have been fine. You only learn by solving real- world problems like that. Tell him to say no next time you try and get him to rescue you. That's important.

@IHaveAMagicBean
Not you again 🥺
You must have so many friends
🤣🤪🤣

When I was learning my instructor took me to the local school and I spent the end of one lesson and the beginning of the next doing lots of parking. I then did it for 5/10 minutes of every 2 hour lesson. You need to find an empty car park and keep redoing it. There might bean industrial park or a shopping park you can use which will be quieter not because of lockdown.

Don't stop driving. The best way to get confident is just to keep on driving and eventually it will feel more natural.

I hate reversing. I conquered it just enough to pass my test (34 years ago) and then quickly adapted my own way of doing it... which involves winding the window down and sticking my head out so I can see the white line in real life, not through a mirror.

If you don't already, maybe you could consider driving an automatic? I learned how to drive a manual, but I moved to a country with steep, windy hills and pretty scary roads. Having an automatic car made driving less stressful. No stalling or changing gears made driving a pleasure!

It sounds like you have the skills, you passed your test afterall, but you are over thinking it.

I've been driving for 10+ years and confident parking etc but I hate hate hate supermarket carparks, the spaces aren't wide enough and usually busy/lots of things to look out for.

Find an empty carpark or an industrial estate near you and practice practice practice. Also when unsure of how to do it, just give it a go and take things slowly. If you always call DH you'll never learn and always doubt yourself.

Agree with pps that you need to find a relatively empty car park and just practice parking between the white lines.

Would also suggest that you learn how to reverse into parking spaces rather than driving in.

Driving in to a parking space between cars is an awkward manoeuvre that involves a far amount of adjusting the angle to drive in without hitting anything. And backing out of a parking space in a busy car park where there's likely to be cars coming and going is dangerous and often you can't see clearly each way; much easier to be in a position to just drive straight out of a parking space.

And surprising as you might find it, reversing into a space between two cars in actually really easy and simple.

Tbh if you really can't trust yourself to be able to park in all situations you really shouldn't be driving.

What happens if you reach your destination and there's one parking space available that you can't park in because you lack the confidence, you can't drive around all day looking for a space big enough to accommodate your lack of skills.

You need to practice every day, over and over.

Oh, should have said, do it slowly. Don't try to park quickly.

Control the clutch and slowly creep very slowly into position.

You'll never learn to park with confidence if you try to rush it.

Go to a car park either v early or after shop closes etc and practise reversing in and out of spaces. The only way to improve is to practise.

No confidence issues previous
Just this
Have a tiny car already. It's not the dimensions as such.
It's the actual which way to go.
As Soon As I reverse I literally cannot think logically which way to go.
Yes i can take it slow of course, but there seems to be one obstacle after another . First it was roads were busy
Now they are quiet but car parks by me are just rammed!!
I've practiced on my drive
Quiet conditions at present (ish) not the same as pressure in a supermarket. Ditto with an instructor.
I've had extra lessons
Fine with someone guiding me. No good in my own when I flap.
Dh though supportive, does not get it and I will absolutely not have lessons with him. Same with instructors. Pointless. I need independent practice but the issue is when I'm under pressure.
WHoever said know your limits-i totally do. I'm just worried when I get in a situation like today.
I could have left the car there I suppose.

Get a really small car. I’m so so much more confident manoeuvring a small car in car parks than I am the big family car which has parking sensors

Don't worry, the skills will come. No need to stress. Took me a few years to feel confident and I barely ever drove as lived in London but got there in the end and park like an ace (except when DH is watching obviously).

Tell you what, I’ve been driving for 30 years and I still won’t reverse into a parking space. Parking is the most difficult thing because you’re not taught to do it. You’ll get there.

Book in some advanced driving lessons with a good instructor. Many people do it o0 its mo shame, just because we pass it doesn't actually mean were ready or that we are automatically experiencing drivers theres lots of learning to do. He wont take your driving license off you or report you. I've always been a nervous driver due to not much practice after passing my test as only 1 family car and my dh can be a bit controlling insisting he does everything so I went months with out getting out so when I did I was terrified. I eventually got my own Car it was modern with a parking camera and also park assist and alarms on it incase I get to near to something, its changed my life because i can see what's happening when I'm reversing, I've not yet tried the par assist but now I've got my dh fighting with me to use the car.

As Soon As I reverse I literally cannot think logically which way to go

You don't sound safe at all to be honest but if you insist on continuing to drive then you need to draw arrows or diagrams on your hand or sun flap that tell you which way to go when you reverse (it's the same as when you go forwards by the way) You say you need independent practice, but when you do you end up calling your husband. You won't have lessons with him or an instructor but won't do it yourself. I don't know what you are hoping for here really. The only solution is you.

Can you do your supermarket shop later in the evening when the car park is hopefully quieter?