To continue driving?

[Gretasmyname]

Please be brutal
I posted a while back about my anxiety about driving.
Basically new ish,mature driver. Didn't drive straight after passing
Then bought a car
Too scared to drive
Manoeveres a big weakness
That's it in a nutshell.
Just before the corona lockdown I was gaining a bit of confidence. Driving to the supermarket and parking in a quiet and empty spot.
Short,familiar routes.
Then came lock down and whilst I'm generally happy to use public transport I thought maybe I should reduce my risk and minimise the time travelling by using the car I have.
So roads a joy to travel on.
I even went to work which is normally a very busy route.
Parking still a major anxiety but I parked away from busy parts.
Supermarket carparks were much busier but still i parked okay.
I've still been very anxious about being in a situation where I'm forced to reverse or do a manoeveres as this is when I panic.
So basically I've been avoiding any potential situations.
Then today I went to do a big shop. Supermarket car park rammed.
I should have turned round but I parked and then panicked when I realised I'd have to reverse out .
I dont mind if lots of space but cars either side and a row behind me.
No issue for any normal person,but i was panicking already.
Anyway to my shame I had to call DH to move it.
It's now made me think where do I go from here.
I was getting to a stage to gettng reasonably confident but i could do with parking practice.
It's not the right time to go out for random drives though is it.
Also I've got work Monday which i was planning to drive to. After today's debarcle though I'm worried my normal parking place might not be available and i will panic or get in a situation that DH can't help with.
I know I sound stupid but am I wrong in carrying on atm?

When I was having lessons I'd get confused about which way to steer when reversing until I cottoned on that if you want to reverse left you steer left, if you want to reverse right you steer right. I don't know why that baffled me so much but early on it did for some reason.

When I get in a bad situation I get flustered and then I end up with the car in a really awkward position.as I've steered even more wrong!
Yes I can do supermarket shopping in the evening and i usually do,but due to lockdown, car parks are still busy at random times by me.
I won't go in a car park again unless I'm sure.
I dont think I'm dangerous as i drive carefully on the roads. I just have to think extra carefully about where to park so I havent got a difficult way out.
I'm in a funny position with lockdown in the sense I can't get up at 6am and go out and have a random drive and practice.
Equally I could do with using the car as I'm a key worker. Public transport is a bit dodgy right now as I only see non workers and groups of youths getting on my bus!!

OP as gently as possible you have no business being on the roads. If you cannot confidently reverse your car or get out of a space in a normal supermarket carpark where the spaces are big enough to accommodate a tank then you should not be driving and frankly your instructor was negligent putting you in for your test. You need more lessons with a decent instructor. What happens when you encounter a road closure like I did this morning and end up being diverted down some poxy country road that can barely fit two wheelbarrow and have to reverse into a passing place? Or onto a motorway or major A road? Dont get me wrong, I swore a blue streak the whole way but it wasnt anything I couldn't handle and I've only been driving since last January. Also a late learner and it's true we struggle more than people who learnt early but I cant believe your instructor sent someone to test who can't park or manoeuvre and panics when reversing. They have massively let you down! I was a bag of nerves before my test and my instructor decided the perfect remedy was a little detour round spaghetti bloody junction. I dealt with it. Too busy to be nervous. Bastard road. If I had fallen apart he would have pulled me. He would never have sent me to test before I was ready.

Drive just now, I'm a key worker and have to drive daily. Roads are dead it's the best time to be out and about and learn the routes and build a bit of confidence

If you can't remember which way to turn the wheel, just stop and allow yourself time to think, which is the reason you need somewhere empty to allow you to do that.

You're turning the wheel the way you want the car to go. You just need to be able give yourself time to think about it, you can't do that when you're trying to park if you've got to be somewhere. You absolutely need to practice this.

If you get flustered you need someone to help you work through this, which mean you need to have more lessons.

You can't be in a situation where you're in charge of a ton of metal with a powerful engine in it and you start to get flustered. In that situation you're a danger to yourself and other people.

Ok you sound like me, you freeze and your mind goes blank when you get flustered. I’m do you have a train station nearby with a carpark? Ours is always completely empty right now so you could drive down and practice for a while each day. Mine is at the end of the road so would work really well if you have something similar nearby.

In my case I take it slow and if I need to I stop, take deep breath and even talk myself through it. Slow small movements.

“ You can't be in a situation where you're in charge of a ton of metal with a powerful engine in it and you start to get flustered. In that situation you're a danger to yourself and other people.”

This.

I learnt to parallel park the morning of my test, as the instructor realised he’d forgotten to teach it to me beforehand! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Managed not to get it in my test and avoided parallel parking for the first 4 years. Borrowed mums car (Land Rover - so much bigger than my tiny starter car!) to go to uni one day and ended up parallel parking on the street. After that never had an issue again.

It takes time and practice with parking. I used to practice in an empty car park on a retail estate late evenings and just went over it again and again until it became a bit more like second nature.

Sorry to be harsh but you really shouldn't drive if you're this anxious. It's dangerous for you and those around you and will end in disaster. You need to get over this anxiety and get safe. I say this as a later learner, formerly terrified of driving (I got medication from the Dr) , took a few attempts to pass but I've just got on with it because I had to put my big girl pants on a do it for me because no one else can do it for you. I think nothing of driving now, I enjoy it and will offer lifts etc.

Forgot to add - although it’s essential trips only during lockdown, I would personal count ensuring you are safe on the roads as essential - you are a risk to others if you get flustered whilst behind the wheel. Driving isn’t just about how you drive personally, it’s about how you react to scenarios or situations around you. If you can’t cope with a diversion, or a lorry coming towards you on a narrow road, then you aren’t safe to be driving at the moment, whether you passed your test or not.

Take the car with your husband (so he can take over if you want him to) go to a deserted industrial estate and practice reversing parking etc there until you're OK. That's what I did and it worked a treat. Even without lockdown Industrial estates are usually deserted on Sundays and have bags or places to park, reverse, do 3-point turns etc.

If you can't park with confidence or even reverse out of a parking place then you can't describe yourself as a confident driver and you shouldn't be putting the lives of others at risk by being on the road!

Look... I really want you to do this, but do think - at this stage - you should not be on the road. If you can't work out automatically that turning the steering wheel does 'this' or 'that' when reversing, you are going to reverse into someone or damage another car.

You are so against more lessons, why? There are all sorts of instructors out there for people like you and you should not be driving until you can happily enter a carpark, drive into a space, and reverse out.

I knew someone a v long time ago, who would never turn right. i.e. if on an ordinary road and she had to position herself to turn right, indicating, and either cars banked up behind her or the road was wide enough for cars to go round.... she just would not do it. She kept driving around to avoid right turns. Ridiculous but true!

OP, it's not just you, you have to think of other drivers. Impatient ones for instance. A lot of drivers are impatient and you not being able to reverse out of a space is going to make them even more impatient, and worse for you.

Seriously think about more lessons, you should not be driving around when you can't park anywhere.

Slightly different situation for me as I passed when I was 18 but I remember the first time I went out in my car on my own it was nerve wracking you didn't have someone sat next to you to tell you what to do! I started going into spaces forwards then realised it was actually harder so taught myself again to bay park which included acknowledging if another car was waiting for me but not racing to get out of their way and losing my cool, backing in slowly and adjusting if needed.
I wonder what the panick means for you has another road user given you shit before or have you flapped and hit something? So when you get into a tough situation you think it's gunna happen again?

I dont think I'm dangerous as i drive carefully on the roads. I just have to think extra carefully about where to park so I havent got a difficult way out.

You absolutely are very dangerous. You are also in denial about this.
The driving test is set out to incorporate all the basic manoeuvres of driving and you can't reverse a car or park a car. You cannot decide that certain parts of safe driving don't apply to you because you believe you are safe when driving on roads that you like to drive on.
You turn the wheel in the direction you want the car to travel in. When going forwards or backwards. It really is that simple. To be honest it's more luck than judgement that you haven't had a serious or fatal accident in a car park yet. It's only a matter of time. If you can't manage all aspects of driving then you don't drive. You need to wise up to this and stop deluding yourself that you are a perfectly safe driver. You are not.

You are massively overthinking this. You say you are confident driving but parking is an issue? Come on, parking is nothing. You just have to get on with it and everyday it becomes easier. Ŷou said be brutal, so here you go; you are being ridiculous, but you know that. If you don’t think it is ridiculous, don’t go out in the car, it really is that simple.

Supermarket car parks are full of pedestrians including children who are hard to see from your mirrors.

If you are getting flustered when reversing and don’t know which was to turn the wheel then you are dangerous and shouldn’t be driving until you’ve figure it out by practising somewhere deserted.

It sounds like a matter of time before you cause an accident to a pedestrian.

@Gretasmyname how long have you been driving?

Ok I know I said be brutal
I haven't hit anything
No one has shouted at me as I havent really been in an awkward situation that i fear.
I've driven to huge supermarkets and there are many by me. Before the covid there was whole rows of empty spaces. Ones I could drive in and straight out. Why wouldn't I do that if I can.
I have also driven into a bay and reversed out
But there have been lots of empty spaces so no stress.
The situation now is that supermarkets by where I live are packed from opening to closing.
I dont want to park in between cars if I dont have to. And I know plenty of people in real life who don't either.

It's not some competition to get close to the supermarket doors so I have to squeeze in!
It's just I could do with a empty place to practice but I don't want to go on random drives with the current situation.
Equally I don't want to have a little (slow )try with cars all around me.
And I could do with driving atm with public transport being full of idiots who don't keep their space etc.
I do feel ok driving in normal conditions.
I did have refresher lessons a while ago. They weren't massively helpful and the instructor guided me through tricky parking and of course I was ok. It's just I feel I will freeze in my own.
I won't do anything dangerous. If I felt unsafe I wouldn't move the car(like what happened yesterday).
Even if I wanted wanted wanted more wanted lessons then thatwont be for a hell if a time will it.

you should always reverse into spaces, it is much safer. Yes, it makes it awkward to get to the boot but unless you are disabled, just cope with that.

I am also concerned that someone who gets into this much of a panic about driving, should not be driving.

You need to book a few more lessons to focus on your parking skills this will make you a safe driver

Sorry keyboard stuck
I meant even if I wanted lessons I wouldn't be able to with the current situation for a very long time.
I'm a bit upset that i will have to use public transport when hardly anyone is using it other than weirdos at the moment and i ahve actually passed my test and been driving.

Mencken yes i agree regarding the reverse parking and as a learner i did find this easier.
Yes maybe I shouldn't be driving.
I'm not a natural. But I felt I was getting somewhere at last
Now I don't.

You need more lessons and practice, with a lisensed driver with you.

You are a liability on the roads if you are prone to panicking. Dangerous.

you should always reverse into spaces, it is much safer

Why is it safer? I’ve driven for over 30 years and have yet to reverse into a space. I’m filled with joy when I can drive into a space and the one in front is empty. Best of both worlds.