Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

Ah, one of my favourite topics!
A constant source of entrenched warfare in my house. DP, a great cook, loves plating up and is also convinced it is a class thing; he's proudly working class and feels that putting serving dishes on the table is contrived and aspirational. I'm from another European country where this is very much the norm, and despite my gleaming working class credentials, he's having none of it.
I think the opposite to you, OP; with serving dishes you only take exactly what you want, err on the side of caution as you know you can top up later (but in reality nobody takes seconds of a main course). You end up eating less.
When DP plates up, he goes overboard and puts too much food on the plate (individual family members do not get consulted as plating up occurs hob-side while we wait at dinner table), which is problematic as a) there is a cultural expectation to clear the plate so diners over-eat, and b) if plate not cleared, left-overs from the plate can't very well be saved for another meal, and so are wasted.

@WomanIsTaken My family when we plate up get asked how much of something we want before it is cooked. Hate left overs as it never tastes as nice the next day. Especially veg

I grew up with family style and much prefer it. DH grew up with played and prefers his way. I just plate his because it's not worth arguing. All leftovers go in the fridge either way!

Family style - share the love

Depends what I’ve cooked and whether the presentation matters.

Big rice and casserole dishes, sure - put in serving dishes.

When I’ve cooked a specific amount of meat for everyone, then I’ll put the portions on the plate and tweak it to suit the eater (ie, cheese, amount of sauce, or no sauce, etc). It also makes sure any of the bigger men don’t get too greedy with the meat when it’s divvied up already

Plus I can play around with the plate presentation for more gourmet style meals.

Has anyone mentioned the extra washing up from serving dishes? Would imagine that’s a major factor for a lot of people, especially if they don’t have a dishwasher or a partner who helps in the kitchen...

Plating up food for anyone over the age of 10 is patronising, controlling, insulting, rude.

People who insist on plating up are also the sort to count the number of green beans each person OUGHT to have, and boil the exact number (plus a few extra if they’re being generous). Then they get all panicky if someone says “oh green beans! My favourite!”. A remark like that is often swiftly followed by a passive aggressive “I wish I’d known, I’d have made more! You know John loves them too!”.

Anyone who doesn’t mentally asses the number and possible appetites of people at the table when serving themselves from bowls, is selfish and ill mannered.

Any cook who doesn’t make more food than required at each meal, and know how to not waste food, isn’t a good cook or meal planner or budgeter.

Dependent on the meal but mostly family style though (like 99% of the time). Tbh I usually dish up if we are being incredibly lazy and eating in front of the telly which is a very rare occurrence, even more so now with children we rarely if ever do it with them so mostly family style. O prefer it anyway as how do you know someone's preferred portions unless it is close family. I would be comfortable to do it for my parents, siblings and own children occasionally DH but definitely not in laws like some of you, especially the poor poster who said her ex-MIL used to pour her gravy on their roasts. I would be fuming enough not to eat as I hate gravy and definitely don't want it on certain bits of my meal when I do choose to have it

@Youcunnyfunt you just put it on the table in whatever you made it in using heat proof mats or such like if it's hot. No need for any extra dishes. Maybe for guests or a party.

@IHeartKingThistle my MIL does this too.

Fine if meal is plated but when it's family style please DONT plate up for people, especially at my house. Drives me crackers.

Plating up food for anyone over the age of 10 is patronising, controlling, insulting, rude.

What a ridiculous thing to say.
When someone else in my house is cooking, I don't feel patronised, controlled or insulted in the least. I think 'oh lovely - someone else has cooked. Mmm - smells nice' or something similar.

Then they get all panicky if someone says “oh green beans! My favourite!”.

As we all live in the same house, and eat together very regularly, then I can't think we are unusual in already knowing which veg / sauce / pasta / potatoes / protein we are all partial to / not keen on / hate / love. What an odd thing to say

Anyone who doesn’t mentally asses the number and possible appetites of people at the table when serving themselves from bowls, is selfish and ill mannered.

I'd agree with you on that, but all of us that cook in our family, are capable of doing that in terms of deciding how much to cook / how much to put on the plate for each person. I'm not sure why you think that is such an unusual skill to have.

Any cook who doesn’t make more food than required at each meal, and know how to not waste food, isn’t a good cook or meal planner or budgeter.

.... in your opinion. In my opinion, it would be a complete waste to make more food than will be needed at every meal. What an odd thing to do! Some meals lend themselves to 'making spare' - it's something I often do and my ds will take a tub to work with him the next day, but the idea of always making more than you need for a meal, is just weird and wasteful.

@ColdCottage oh I hate that so much. Once was guest at a family style meal with my cousin at a family friend's house and their sons had clearly been instructed to serve the food for us. Felt so awkward being served

I plate up because we have so little space I don't have a dining table to bring dishes too. When I move though it will be dishes on the table, I don't like to assume how much everyone is going to eat.

I despise having food 'plated up' for me. I also think it's really important to eat family style to teach children how to eat communally.

1. Everyone has different tastes and appetites, and should be able to control their own portions. If your DCs struggle with this, all the more reason to teach them to do it by letting them practice. It's horrible being embarrassed/ pressured when you've been served something you don't like, or too much food, or you're still hungry because you haven't been served enough.

1. It teaches DC how to share food properly. I was brought up eating 'family style' and now every time a dish of food is on the table I automatically calculate how much is a fair portion given the amount of food and people. DC who have never been taught this are more likely to turn into the sort of adults who take the last of something in a dish, or more than their fair share.

1. It gives you the opportunity to wait after everyone has served themselves and pause to thank the cook or say cheers or whatever your family ritual is. For some reason when I've experienced 'plating up' in other families' houses it's often accompanied by people just starting to eat as soon as the plate is put in front of them. Rude.

@CaptainShakespeare not necessarily true point number 2. Family style actually puts people that struggle with taking the last piece or who would always take the not as good portion such as the slightly smaller/burnt/not as pretty one at a disadvantage. Having known both I 100% plated as I know what is in front of me is mine etc.

If its a decent meal then we eat family style at the table. If it's a beige food night then I put it on plates in the kitchen. Fish fingers, potato waffles and carrot sticks on serving platters would look tragic.
This ^

@lovepickledlimes yes, I see that. I am that person, and for some reason I see that as 'virtuous' or 'good manners.' I was raised with particularly strict eating rituals though, and I think this might be one of the consequences. Interesting, I shall ponder that!

I think 'plating up' is quite a British thing.

In the culture I grew up in, it is family style. People self-regulate what they eat and don't generally get overweight.

My dh insists on plating up and gets into all kinds of stand offs with the dc about not finishing up the often huge portions on their plate and offended they don't like his cooking. Why - we should be allowed to regulate our portions.

@CaptainShakespeare I think it largely depends on the child's own nature and personality. Some might indeed benefit being reminded to be considerate of others, other will struggle when it is not clear to what exactly is or is not theirs to have etc. Neither is worse or any better then the other. For example if I do a family style meal with friends of similar manners to me there will forever be one portion that is left as no one dares to be the one to take it lol

How is it wasteful to always make more food than you need at each mealtime, if you always ultimately eat the food?

I always make more than can be eaten in a sitting (unless it’s a fish which doesn’t lend itself to being eaten cold eg cod fillets). We regularly have lunches and dinners that consist of little bits of this and that, either reheated or eaten cold. It’s the DCs’ favourite meal! They get to taste a little bit of all sorts of things, and choose what they eat. It’s like tapas or meze. Some food is actually better a few days later (chilli, curry, stew etc). Fruits get turned into crumbles; ratatouille into a pasta sauce; steamed broccoli into a stir fry and so forth.

I NEVER throw away food. I can’t bear it. I make full use of the freezer and always know what is in the fridge. We eat well, meaning healthfully, in quantities that are appropriate for us (none of us are overweight), varied sources of nutrients, and without wasting anything. We enjoy eating together. And we are not dictated to by someone who thinks that just because they cooked the food, they get to decide what and how much we eat.

@ARoseInHarlem I guess it depends on if you like left overs or not. Personally I hate cold foods, and fiancé detests left overs. Left overs would literally never get eaten

It depends on the meal here. Tonight was lasagne, salad and chips. It was served ‘family style’ lasagne dish was put on table straight from oven, chips chucked in a bowl and salad pre-prepared in a bowl.
So for us family style would be things like roast dinner, spag bol, curry, fajitas, jacket potatoes and various toppings, etc

Played up would be things like individual pies, salmon fillets, sausage and mash, fry up,

We always serve family style. People can take as much, or as little, as suits them.

As I know what family members like to eat, we usually don’t have leftovers, but, leftovers are eaten for lunch by someone the next day.

Plating up food for anyone over the age of 10 is patronising, controlling, insulting, rude.

How do you cope in restaurants?

“Or are you so poor that you need to restrict food to your family?”

Well aren’t you a lovely individual @cnoc?