To wonder what 'the spirit of mumsnet' is.

[Carbosug]

I see threads with vile ganging up, spiteful personal remarks and deliberate distortions of what the op said being allowed stand time and time again. Simultaneously fairly innocuous threads are removed because they're not in the spirit....

AIBU to wonder what exactly is the spirit of mumsnet because it doesn't seem to be very clear?

There are a lot of women's spaces, once that actually understand what feminism is (because the women on here are clueless about it)

Yes, I even heard the feminists here think female rights are actually about females. Imagine that. Bless em. Clueless.
What they really need are a few more willy wavers explaining it properly so their lady brains can grasp it better.

I see it as meaning threads should be helpful, constructive, interesting or funny.

Things that get deleted as 'not in the spirit' seem to be:

• Goady threads designed to start a bun fight
• Threads set up as personal attacks on individuals
• Threads perceived as racist, sexist, disablist or otherwise discriminatory

(This is just my personal perception, not a comment on how well or otherwise 'the spirit' is applied to moderation).

So you are on MN but not a mumsnetter, you are posting and reading but are somehow different to the rest of us.

Well I certainly don’t believe most of the crap and trolls on here no.

Why do you assume that other posters do then @birdie? How absurd.

KrakowDawn - because of all the people who reply to such threads perhaps?

Anything that paints husbands or indeed any man in s positive light

Yet here you are, on PatentlyGoading's thread, posting away. How strange.

KrakowDawn - I’m sorry that bothers you so much!

There's a lot of exaggeration and people being 'tough' i.e. "if she'd done that in front of me I'd have slapped her!" Most likely you wouldn't have done anything of the sort.

Lots of "go NC" and "LTB" for family/relationship issues. Life's too short attitude. People sometimes forget that life's very long if you're lonely, so repairing/maintaining relationships can be worth it.

Surprisingly, lots of people who are generally intolerant: of their neighbours, of other people in shops, etc. I'm hoping that's just the result of the exaggeration I mentioned and people aren't actually like that.

Some good things though: people are generally lovely to those who are struggling with fertility, abuse, childhood traumas, etc. There can be some good advice.

Afternoon! Thought I would pop in uninvited as I might know the answer to this one. I don't often know the answer.

There's no 'rule' about what is and isn't in the spirit (I missed the memo if there is) but a lot of the examples given above could fall under that category, I reckon. I tend to think of it as things that aren't set out as forbidden in the talk guidelines but probably would be if we had endless time and thought people would read 30,000 pages of talk guidelines.

As a general rule of thumb I always ask myself if a post is 'making parents' lives easier' as that's meant to be what we're here for. It doesn't HAVE to be doing that job of course but if it's very clearly the precise opposite of that, then I'd think it's not in the spirit of what we're trying to achieve. That's not to say we would delete threads that had opinions that go against the grain, either. We do like a robust discussion. But if it's horrible AND pointless AND going badly and not likely to recover, personally I wouldn't see the point in the thread continuing.

Does that help? You might get someone else from MNHQ along who'll have something to add. It's definitely not an exact science but that's a fair idea, I think.

I've been on MN since the early 2000s. Ever since I have joined, I have heard people lamenting its good old days. It used to be far worse IMO - it was very cliquey: if you were one of the in-crowd, you could say what you liked. If you weren't, there would be a pile on. And anyone who thinks it is more vicious now should read some of the old MMR threads.

One thing we can be sure of, we always end up with a little pack of posters coming into done if the threads and saying how my h they detest MNHQ and imply that they are somehow superior because they aren’t a Mumsnetter. A bit like those that post links to the DM, while apologising and saying they don’t normally read the DM. I suppose it helps them fill their time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just being supportive of each other. Trying to stop yourself being nasty and mean when you are in a mood. Listening to others.

@BirdieFriendReturns

I was literally shaking” is another Mumsnet phrase

Yet, you're on another thread shaking and sobbing with emotion because you had to tell someone to move away from you.
Weird,
@Barracker well said, again!

MissHoskins - I’m literally shaking with fear at your post. Making me do that isn’t in the spirit is it?

Man hating and MIL hating is what I've seen the "spirit" of mumsnet to be

I see more positive that negative generally. So much of it has helped me when I needed info, advice and a laugh! There are some people out there that revel in the idea of mumsnet demise. I won’t let them take it. If it gets negative I add some positive for balance. We need spaces that are ours and I think we should fight for this platform. Be well everyone xx

Yes I don’t think it’s any more nasty.

It’s VERY left wing. Very woke. Very middle class. If you buy the Guardian, you will fit right in.

If you even contemplated whether the EU still as desirable, hesitated for a second to read vaccine inserts or question any other aspect of modern Britain, forget it. You can’t even have that debate!

*than

I hope and pray we are all going to pay to keep Mumsnet going...

I come on here for amusement at all the hysteria. Its entertaining, not my fault Mumsnet is the laughing stock of the Internet.

I also can't believe people seem to think no other women space exists. Reddit had plenty of sub reddits dedicated to feminism, parenting, conception, relationships, style/fashion advice ect. It's headline is "the front page of the Internet" and it's obvious why but ive come to notice mumsnetters hate reddit but they simply don't seem to realise what it is.

To the poster saying she has had to pretend to be a man online, that's ridiculous and unnecessary. Attitudes like that don't help the issues.

General rule appears to be - if it's a name choice/hobby/shopping option/interior design choice accessible to and used by the working class = sneer away. If it's one of the beloved MN holy grail staples of middle-class-dom it's untouchable. The poor must only be supported in terms of bolstering the poster's aura of social consciousness like some scientific experiment or pet bacteria in the lab - you must stand back and relay their marvellous nature and how they must be protected... but must make sure not to catch it.

With public personalities - seems to depend on how well they're able/known to lawyer themselves up if you're allowed to say anything negative at all.

What was once blunt-ness and saying things honestly has long since overspilled by many into outright nastiness - corona has given the go signal to anyone to lay into anyone else for doing anything that might be remotely viewed by someone completely barking mad's interpretation of the "rules" as wrong. You will literally kill someone's granny if you go to Asda more than once a decade. It's not a pleasant site these days and I'm intending to de-reg once the lockdown is released.

Sometimes it is kind and supportive, especially for miscarriages, abortions and dead children.
Sometimes it's irreverent and witty.
Often is catty, nasty, bitchy and petty. And that's why I love it!!