I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

If you were placed on house arrest for 4 weeks because you'd committed a crime, you wouldn't be happy about it, would you?

but you are not on house arrest! Pretending that your situation is worst than it actually is, really is unhelpful.

I don't love it, I don't even like it. But I refuse to waste my life by not making the most of things whilst I still can. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. We are not being punished, it's damage control. It's temporary.

Some people mentioned Starmer saying about the light at the end of the tunnel thing. I think he is right. It seems to me there is this unpleasant authoritarian thing going on in the UK whereby it is as if some people like the fact they can impose controls, like the fact that people are restricted and want to drag others further and further down. I see Dominic Raab as the epitomé of this and I hate it.

Like a pp said 4 weeks is a long time when you are on your own, and haven't had a much needed hug, and you know it will be at least another three weeks until I can visit family and close friends.

Everyone will have a different experience of lockdown, as demonstrated by this thread. But please don't dismiss someone's feelings because yours are different.

Personally I feel my life has been put on hold for at least a year. Which makes me feel worse about myself.

I don't know. I think a pot of people have done well at finding small pleasures and enjoying the simple things. If anything I'm worried that things will go back to normal too quickly.

It will be shame not to see family groups out walking, not to have so much time in the garden, to start getting takeaways instead of cooking as a family, for material things to become important again but I know we'll revert back quickly.

seems to me there is this unpleasant authoritarian thing going on in the UK whereby it is as if some people like the fact they can impose controls, like the fact that people are restricted and want to drag others further and further down. I see Dominic Raab as the epitome of this

Thousands and thousands and thousands of people are dying.

Surely you understand that the lock down is for our safety and not because of authoritarian wannabes?!

Some of us will revert, some of us won’t. If the economy goes the way that’s being predicted, the time we’re living through now will look like a walk in the park by comparison.

There are two ways of dealing with bad times and, while you may be naturally inclined in either direction, you can change that. You can wallow in how awful it all is or you can look for the positives. Unless we have mental health issues, it’s entirely up to each one of us which we choose.

I’m a glass half full person. Thank God it happened in spring and not Christmas, we can stay in touch with our kids easily although we can’t see them, we can still go out for a bit and get some fresh air and sunshine. We need to find our joy in different places.

tired of people moaning about minor things
What in your books are minor things?

Not being able to go out for coffee or a meal, not having a haircut, supermarket queues etc. Even not being able to meet up with people - we live in a time when we are so fortunate to have so many forms of communication available.

Last year I spent six weeks in hospital, had two cardiac arrests, spent two weeks in ICU, and was told I would be ineligible for a heart transplant which is seen as my only hope of a long-term future.

Then came my consultant who put me forward for a lesser procedure which while it isn’t a cure has bought me some time. My health is now at the point where I am eligible for a transplant but still well enough to not need to be on the list yet.

If things had happened as they almost did last year I would either have gone down to papworth to go on the emergency list and would either have had a transplant by now and would be one of the immunosuppressed at greater risk, or I wouldn’t have received a heart yet and would be much sicker and far more vulnerable than I am now, and I am still considered vulnerable.

Life is what we make it, and we have to focus on the positive parts of life, and for most there is something which is positive, even if it’s a small thing.

I actually hope that life will change for most people. We have raised a generation of children who are used to getting what they want when they want and have now been told they can’t, I hope that will continue.

We’ve created an environment where home-working is far more acceptable than it previously was and could potentially remove the need for the amount of foreign travel people are doing.

I hope that people appreciate the environment around them more rather than feeling the need to rush off to the next country or the country after that, it’s this prepencity for foreign travel and the ability to do it which has led to this pandemic taking hold in the way it has.

I do think there will be much caution for a long time and I don’t think that if restrictions are lifted people are going to be rushing out here there and everywhere and socialising in large groups for a very long time. There’s talk of large gatherings being banned for a long time, possibly until a vaccine is found.

There’s talk of the vulnerable being shielded for the same amount of time. As one of them I have no idea when I will see my partner or parents again.

But life goes on and life has always gone on.

These things do change people, but there is invariably something positive which comes from change.

Oh course joy will return to life. But not if you don't want it to.

@MintyMabel thank you. I have been trying to tell this to several people for years but to no avail

Thousands and thousands and thousands of people are dying.

Twas ever thus.

Marginal "I feel dramatically changed by this interlude - I take a dim view of my fellow countrymen and I'm drained of any sense of social responsibility. I simply cannot cope with the cheerful lockdown culture any longer."

I started this with the view that I should channel my efforts into helping protecting rights. But if people want to roll over and be screwed, there's not much point in that either.

after people have been unable to use the Tube to see loved ones, there will undoubtedly be a campaign by the Mayor saying "London is open - use the Tube". And I think a lot of us will be saying FUCK OFF.

I used to be very big on social responsibility.

"We’ve created an environment where home-working is far more acceptable than it previously was"

While I can see the benefits for some individuals, more home working is bad for society imo. This would not be an improvement.

OP "I see Dominic Raab as the epitomé of this and I hate it."

I do know what you mean but I mainly blame Boris Johnson. After a huge landslide victory, I think he woke up with Echo and the Bunnymen in his head "First I'm gonna make it/then I'm gonna break it till it falls apart".

"Not being able to go out for coffee or a meal, not having a haircut, supermarket queues etc. Even not being able to meet up with people - we live in a time when we are so fortunate to have so many forms of communication available."

A phone/video call is really not the same.
I can't stand people like you who seem to revel in other people's suffering.

If anyone's seen the post about the 92 year old in a care home who can't get out....

honestly, if I had a car, I'd think kidnapping him and doing a Madge would be better.

The next batch of London riots are going to be interesting.

"but you are not on house arrest"

I'm allowed out for a short time to exercise close to home. Even a prisoner gets that. I'm under house arrest 23 out of 24 hours a day.

God. Ok. You are on house arrest. 🙄

more home working is bad for society imo.

Why? It's the biggest improvement we could hope for!

I think some home working would be an improvement, but actually face to face interaction with others is extremely important. DH has worked from home for years and it can be tough.
I think flexible working will be a great outcome, not necessarily large scale home working.

I'm allowed out for a short time to exercise close to home. Even a prisoner gets that. I'm under house arrest 23 out of 24 hours a day.

I am sorry if you are living in a high-density area, I truly am.
I take my kids out for 2 , 3 or more hours every day. We barely see a soul. This doesn't constitute house arrest for us.
I can call, or video message anyone I want. I can access pretty much all information I want.

I still don't like it, but my own experience is very different. Same for my neighbours, who have access to the same outdoors, and don't feel as bad as you do, even the NHS workers.

I can't wait to go on proper holidays again and have a life, but there could be a lot worst happening.

Home working isn’t bad for society.

Sure, not everyone wants to work from home, nor can everyone, but lots of people do want to, and can, and they’d be much happier and contented for being able to do so.

but actually face to face interaction with others is extremely important.

true, but I don't see my work as my social life. Work is where I have to be pleasant with people I don't chose, I'd rather plan face to face interaction with people I like, or the ones I share a hobby or sport with.

Yes I understand OneandTwenty, I was just saying blanket home working policies won’t work for everyone. Flexible working with the choice of working from home is better. Unfortunately DH doesn’t have many friends where we live, so along with working from home it’s quite tough for him.
Flexibility is key.

I don’t mind it tbh. My DH is at home even though he’s WFH most of the day, he’s still around at lunchtime and such which has been nice. I’m a teacher and also pregnant so not going into work meaning I’m spending time with my DC that I wouldn’t usually have. We’ve sorted the garden and overhauled the house which has been productive and good. The sun shines most days which definitely helps. We have food in the cupboards and a safe, warm and loving home. My pregnancy is going well which is always good news after three previous losses and we should have a healthy little baby in July, definitely good reason to feel positive.

It’s probably just your perspective tbh, you’re looking at it from a negative angle. I don’t think it’s all bad, it’s forced lots of us to slow down and appreciate simpler things.