I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

Well although it'd a bit boring, I can't say all my joy has gone. The dog is delighted.

I'm very lucky that I can work from home on full pay. Husband is home on full pay. Attending work when he is allowed.

Feel guilty that I can't entertain dd as I am busier than ever from home as I work for a trade union.

But we are really having a laugh together and loving and relishing these times, which in the grand scheme of times, is not that long.

I have honestly found a joy in the simpler life. I am lucky in many ways, not in all though. My relatives, some very vulnerable or facing possible loss of jobs, are all pretty good mentally.

I do think many people are finding a common sense of unity and appreciating life again. I think more people are projecting doom onto others than is the reality.

Obviously I am not one of the people whose close loved one has died. My heart goes out to those people.

Its horrific
unable to do anything normal can't even get a haircut. Avoiding shops as hate the one in one out crap
anxiety every month about whether will get regular and needed medication and observing the one in one out crap at the pharmacy
dental treatment forget that
anything medical forget that everything's cancelled anyway
god knows about work wfh but redundancies will follow have to
trying to work on laptop at work have two monitors properly set up
can't go for a coffee or anything normal
going out for exercise is stressful with watching out for police and also the curtain twitchers who if they observe a rule breach post pictures on facebook
yeah its great isn't it

going out for exercise is stressful with watching out for police and also the curtain twitchers who if they observe a rule breach post pictures on facebook

aren't you exaggerating a bit....

OneandTwenty

I see this as well. One neighbour told me I’d been out for 1 hour 5 mins. I’ve since emailed him the College of Police document. He also called the police on some kids playing football in the park and was very pleased they turned up in minutes.

It probably varies widely by region.

no wish i was some of the facebook stuff has been awful turned it off now

I’m not on Farcebook, I think that would finish me.

The happy people have houses and gardens
Agreed.
I live in social housing and I’m on a residents design committee. The amount of times I see a plan and look at the managers and say “ really, would you live there.”? Plans to squeeze young families rather than single people into flats over a Tesco Express that’s open until 11pm ( youth gobbing off and smoking and drinking outside etc) or estates with gardens overlooked front, back and sides so going out is like being on stage.
This sort of events shows how important it is to have homes that nature not make lives intolerable.

The thing is nothing really terrible (like WWII terrible) has actually happened. So I'm not especially worried about the situation as it IS today. An idea that I find helpful is that covid-19 telescopes your risk of dying in the next 12 months into, say, two weeks. For those of us who weren't especially worried about dying in the next 12 months, there's no reason to be especially worried about dying from the vaccine. It's different for people who already had a high likelihood of dying in the next year -- but many of these people (eg my aunt who died yesterday in her 80s, not of covid-19) had been solemnly and bravely facing the issue of mortality head-on for a long time already. This is not a virus that is indiscriminately lethal.

I am however becoming increasingly worried about what will happen next. People seem to have found it incredibly hard to understand that we're not locking down healthy people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s to save us all from some lethal illness. It was only ever about buying time and preventing the NHS being overloaded. Thankfully that objective looks as if it's well on the way to begin achieved. So provided we can get over the pandemic of irrational self-directed fear (the only thing we have to fear etc) among healthy people, we'll be fine -- its a few more weeks of staying at home all the time, then a gradual loosening of measures.

There are a lot of people we should still be worrying about -- especially those in care homes. Let's try to make it about them, not about us.

I think it's all about relativity. If, until now, you have led a fairly usual life, with some worries and troubles but nothing out of the ordinary, then this will all feel horrendous. And, don't get me wrong, it is. I'm not saying it's not.
My husband is in the forces and has spent about 5 years out of the last 15 away in what we euphemistically call 'somewhere sandy'. So, as a military family, we are used to loved ones being at the end of a Skype call. Shit, I'm an old hand at this so I'm used to 20 minutes a week on the phone if I'm lucky, and the occasional letter. On one of his tours my mother died, and when my h called my dad to say how sorry he was the base in Kandahar was shelled, so he hid under a table and carried on the conversation. But life went on.
It may seem trite now, but I think everyone will be surprised by how much they can actually deal with and carry on as usual. Life will go on, as it always has.

I’m the happiest I’ve been in months. I’m slowly day by day recovering from a major health problem that came on suddenly a few months ago. Each day I feel fitter and stronger and I’m now finally able to look after my 2 young children for a few hours at a time by myself. I now have my husband home to help rather than an emergency nanny and I no longer feel like a bad parent for not being able to take my children to gymnastics classes etc. My health condition is permanent and I’ve finally started to accept my new future. I’ve spent the last few months feeling scared and low (there were dark times) but those feelings have finally passed and I’m now so thankful for the life I have. I imagine many people who are scared and low during this pandemic will also feel incredibly thankful once this time has passed. It’s totally normal to not feel normal right now but it will get better.

If an alien was reading the threads, they would think we have been on lockdown into caves for years.
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It has been 4 weeks...and it's hardly a strict lockdown. it doesn't mean everyone has an easy situation to deal with, but the majority is completely over-reacting. Yes, it's shit but come on.. 4 weeks

I am not enjoying lock down. I am in the shielded group and anxious. I am furloughed and I know I will have a job to go back to for a few months, but I am worried about the long term situation of the company now. It had been a bit shaky a year ago and was beginning to turn the corner, so worried now if it will survive. DP is struggling with work which is more pressured at the moment and is worried about his job. DCs are missing friends and normal life.

BUT we have as a family been through worse, so I know we will get through this. As long as I survive. We had one year where a cousin and her toddler was murdered, I ended up in hospital really ill with recuperation for 3 months at home afterwards, DD started self harming, I was made redundant, and we struggled financially. And then the dog died. We know as a family we can make it through tough times as long as we are all alive and reasonably healthy.

Glad you said this. I hate myself for feeling miserable seeing families making the most of the time together and bonding because I wish that my son and I had the missing part to the family - yet I hate myself for having these negative feelings, still it doesn't make them invalid. I know I cannot resent and don't resent others for their happiness - it just somehow isolation from an already limited and isolated existence as a single mother from pregnancy to now at 22 months brings the things I crave into such sharp focus. And in so many ways that is a good thing as it is right that families are enjoying and benefitting from the unforeseen circumstances - it would be helpful if perhaps people could also understand that when people ask you to give a little more distance when out on a walk that you do that without question and understand that there are reasons. Being lucky enough to be out as a 4 or even 8 person family must be wonderful but equally if you are shielding but also trying to maintain your mental health by exercising every day, it is stressful trying to dodge happy families for reasons that may not be immediately apparent...

Forgot to add, we all found joy again as a family.
People come through much worse and find joy again. People who have been tortured, in concentration camps, and other terrible situations.
I think you need time to grieve changes and I suspect that is what you are going through at the moment OP. But life will keep on turning.

I have got to stop reading Mumsnet because I am sick of so many people saying "I work from home on full pay and the darling children are thrilled to have me home and everything is wonderful and we're doing crafts and making cakes blah blah blah" Well, woop dee doo, because I am not able to work from home and am earning fuck all while I wait for people who may or may not get this virus....and I will probably get lambasted for this but honestly, I don't give a shit anymore about what 'might' happen. I don't believe I will get 80% of my pay, just because I simply can't see it happening at the tiny company I work for, they will likely have to shut up shop (a tiny estate agent) . I don't want to be compassionate about anyone and this whole fiasco has made me only think about me and how I feel.

I hate it all and no amount of these trendy fucking "safe at home, not stuck at home" or "we're in this together" quotes give me any sort of good feeling at all.

Like the OP, I think the joy has well and truly left the fucking building and isn't coming back.

If an alien was reading the threads, they would think we have been on lockdown into caves for years
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It has been 4 weeks...and it's hardly a strict lockdown. it doesn't mean everyone has an easy situation to deal with, but the majority is completely over-reacting. Yes, it's shit but come on.. 4 weeks

Not even 4 weeks yet! But then people were like this after 2 weeks. Some people in abusive relationships I could totally understand, money worries too.

The people I personally know moaning about it the most and the loudest literally have neither problem.

OP I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope you can try to make peace with it.

I am quite honestly enjoying it. The slower pace , getting things in the house done, a bit of gardening, beautiful weather. Long walks. Reading, tv. I miss the dc (young adults now) of course but we FaceTime.

It won't be like this forever. Try to find something positive otherwise you'll dwell and feel worse

The joy will return (like newborn puppies we will be, to see a pint in a real pub, to touch a fabric before we buy it), there will be particular restrictions as needed and a difference in the way we interact. I do hope that trite celebrity, insta influencing will take a hit and be replaced by an appreciation of what we will have lost and what we stand to lose. And it marks the end of that narcissistic, useless arena (ever the dreamer), it has no place in this world now.

I wonder has there ever been a period of human history where the experiences of people have been so divergent. I just feel that things have been so joyless for so long that I've forgotten what happiness feels like

Myriam “ I wonder has there ever been a period of human history where the experiences of people have been so divergent.”

My Nan talked about the war very fondly till she died.

@OneandTwenty - well said. I know it is difficult for many, but the ones who moan the most are often those who are not so badly affected. This isn't forever, and to be quite honest moaning isn't going to change anything so people might as well try to find something to be happy about.

the ones who moan the most are often those who are not so badly affected. This isn't forever, and to be quite honest moaning isn't going to change anything so people might as well try to find something to be happy about

Is It, in your eyes, unreasonable to express unhappiness or discontent in the current situation and wirh regard to the future, because that's what this post sounds like. Bear in mind that you know nothing about the personal circumstances of anyone posting on here.

@eaglejulesk I'm really fed up of people being so dismissive. Everyone's feelings are valid. Just because someone else might have it worse does not mean that no one else is allowed to moan. I'm at risk of losing my job and the house I've just bought, if I want to feel upset about that then I will.

@Waxonwaxoff0 - I wasn't being dismissive, just saying that there is always something good in life if you look for it. Also, I wasn't talking about those with real problems, just tired of people moaning about minor things.

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles - having been unemployed myself for the best part of 20 months (other than temp jobs) and struggling to find a full time job at my age I know life isn't always easy - and I don't even own a house any more, mine went in a separation several years ago. Of course your feelings are valid, and I wish you all the best, but my comments weren't aimed at people like you.

@MyriamVB - there is nothing wrong with expressing unhappiness or discontent in the current situation but surely it is worthwhile trying to find some joy. What I was trying to say is what does moaning achieve? Do things magically improve because someone moans? Of course they don't. so why not try to find something good to concentrate on, even if something small, and you might find that life isn't all bad. I just get tired of people carrying on as though this is the only bad thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind.