Shouting in the garden and football hitting the fence

[TwistedFairytales]

We have a very small garden. We have an 8ft trampoline in it and 2 mini football goals. My 2 boys 7 and 9, tend to shout as kids do, very loudly when bouncing and excited. They also tend to kick the football and hit the back fence when they miss which backs onto another garden. The ball also hits the living room windows on occasion.

My husband has absolutely zero tolerance for any of this, the shouting and banging the fence and window. We bought a lighter ball and it actuallymakes the same noise banging the fence but it would be extremely unlikely ot would cause any damage. That tells me the harder football is making it sound worse than it is if that makes sense.
I try to tell them gently and nicely about it but he just goes in like a bull bellowing at them and shoutong to stop it. Its got to the point now where they dont want to play outside anymore ad they say 'we'll just get told off'. I'm more tolerant of the situation and kids will be kids. We are the middle house of three terraces. 4yo boy one side, couple early 60s other side with grown up boys. We get on well with all of them.

AIBU to think shouting and fence banging isnt really that much of a big deal? We have argued over it as we both disagree with the others attitude.

[LouiseCollina]

@awkwardbuttons Well I hear you about the bonfires, they are appalling. I think it’s unreasonable to try to dictate garden barbecues or cigarette smoking though. For decades now smokers have been told to take it outdoors; for some people to try to tell them to take it back indoors is just absurd!

[awkwardbuttons]

But they're told to take it out of shared public spaces, not indoors at their home. Presumably they don't mind the smell seeing as they're the one smoking.

Why is smoking OK but noise not? Both impact on your neighbours if you have small gardens.

[LouiseCollina]

Yes they are told to take it out of shared public spaces. A garden is not a shared public space; it is a private outdoor space. Barbecues and cigarettes emit a level of smoke far, far below bonfires. That’s probably why both are legal and burning both in private gardens is also legal. If you were to call the police over a bonfire you’d likely find the law on your side. If you rang them complaining about a cigarette smoker they’d probably think it was a prank call.

[awkwardbuttons]

That doesn't stop it being inconsiderate and annoying to neighbours. Why is it OK for smoke but not noise?

A garden is a private outdoor space but you will still be blowing your smoke over other people and into their home if their windows are open. I find it antisocial and horrible. Much worse than noise from the children.

[awkwardbuttons]

Also I never said a garden was a shared public space. You mentioned people being encouraged not to smoke indoors. But that does not apply to inside their home. Why can't they smoke there? It's easier to smoke inside than kick a ball or jump on a trampoline. So why is one ok and not the other?

[ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo]

I live on an estate where there aren't any back gardens, and the neighbours' children (pre-lockdown, anyway) would basically spend hours outdoors screaming and kicking balls off cars. My letterbox ended up being smashed off my front door. Spoke to parents, who shrugged and blamed it on the lack of garden.

Point being - it's antisocial and there's no need for it. Kids (especially 7 and 9!) can play and enjoy themselves, run around etc., without screaming and damaging other peoples' property. Would you be prepared to pay for any damage caused? If not, you need to put a stop to it.

[LouiseCollina]

Why is it OK for smoke but not noise?

It isn’t. Both smoke and noise are considered unacceptable at unreasonable levels. That’s why there’s a difference between a bonfire and a cigarette, as there’s a difference between a conversation and a brass band.

[awkwardbuttons]

But why is shouting by children any more antisocial or unreasonable than smoke from a cigarette? That's the question I keep asking you. To me, both are inconsiderate and antisocial if you have small gardens. You disagree - why?

You said this:
If you were to call the police over a bonfire you’d likely find the law on your side. If you rang them complaining about a cigarette smoker they’d probably think it was a prank call.

What do you think the police would do if you called the police to say your neighbours' children were kicking a ball against your fence and shouting?

[LouiseCollina]

What do you think the police would do if you called the police to say your neighbours' children were kicking a ball against your fence and shouting?

I'm quite certain that would depend on the timing of the call, i.e. whether or not it fell within hours that'd make it a public order offence. Good luck calling the police at any time of day or night over a cigarette. Enough calls of that nature might trigger a referral to mental health services!

[Sostenueto]

Why don't people just do a simple thing. Put yourselves in the place of someone else. How would you feel if you could not relax or hear yourself think because the kids next door were constantly screaming and shouting and banging the shit out of your fence? How would you feel if you had just put your washing out or had asthma when the idiot next door lights a bonfire? How would you feel if someone damaged your property? Just stop it and learn to be more considerate. Stop putting yourselves first all the time. Stop and think would you want to live next door to such an inconsiderate neighbour? Ffs! That is all it takes, a little bit if thought for others. It costs nothing to be a decent person!

[Sostenueto]

And I'm sick and tired of people going on about smokers. I have always smoked outside even before the law changed, away from other people. But I would have to stand next to a person outside chain-smoking for 60 years+ to deliver enough damage to the other person's lungs that standing at a kerb for 4 minutes on a busy road does.

[LolaDarkdestroyer]

Trust me the banging is fucking annoying and I'd be annoyed. I don't let mine play football in mine. There are 2 annoying brats 2 doors down that do and fuck be it's a headache...plus half their fence is off.

[SilverFoxman]

Your husband seems to be taking the right approach. Football in small gardens is going to anoy the hell out of neighbours. Get them involved in a football club and or take them to the park. I like to hear children playing in gardens but the constant thud of footballs against a fence is like torture. Anything but football.

[StoneofDestiny]

Try to imagine sitting in your living room and someone constantly banging on your front door with a football - how long could you tolerate it?
Now imagine your neighbour sitting in their garden with the fence being banged by a football - how do you think they feel?
Just because they don’t complain doesn’t mean they like it - they will be being too polite!

[Roselilly36]

They are children playing in their garden, you would have to be a proper misery to be annoyed by it.

[StoneofDestiny]

Love to hear children playing in their garden. I fortunately have neighbours who are considerate.

I’d hate to live next to screaming/shouting and my fence being pounded all day by kids or adults! I don’t disturb my neighbours and thankfully they don’t disturb me.
Screaming and shouting required - go to the park away from houses.

I bet the parents who let their kids scream and shout and kick balls into neighbours fences would complain if their kids screamed and shouted in their own homes and kicked footballs onto their house doors/windows.