Shouting in the garden and football hitting the fence

[TwistedFairytales]

We have a very small garden. We have an 8ft trampoline in it and 2 mini football goals. My 2 boys 7 and 9, tend to shout as kids do, very loudly when bouncing and excited. They also tend to kick the football and hit the back fence when they miss which backs onto another garden. The ball also hits the living room windows on occasion.

My husband has absolutely zero tolerance for any of this, the shouting and banging the fence and window. We bought a lighter ball and it actuallymakes the same noise banging the fence but it would be extremely unlikely ot would cause any damage. That tells me the harder football is making it sound worse than it is if that makes sense.
I try to tell them gently and nicely about it but he just goes in like a bull bellowing at them and shoutong to stop it. Its got to the point now where they dont want to play outside anymore ad they say 'we'll just get told off'. I'm more tolerant of the situation and kids will be kids. We are the middle house of three terraces. 4yo boy one side, couple early 60s other side with grown up boys. We get on well with all of them.

AIBU to think shouting and fence banging isnt really that much of a big deal? We have argued over it as we both disagree with the others attitude.

[StoneofDestiny]

Love to hear children playing in their garden. I fortunately have neighbours who are considerate.

I’d hate to live next to screaming/shouting and my fence being pounded all day by kids or adults! I don’t disturb my neighbours and thankfully they don’t disturb me.
Screaming and shouting required - go to the park away from houses.

I bet the parents who let their kids scream and shout and kick balls into neighbours fences would complain if their kids screamed and shouted in their own homes and kicked footballs onto their house doors/windows.

[Roselilly36]

They are children playing in their garden, you would have to be a proper misery to be annoyed by it.

[StoneofDestiny]

Try to imagine sitting in your living room and someone constantly banging on your front door with a football - how long could you tolerate it?
Now imagine your neighbour sitting in their garden with the fence being banged by a football - how do you think they feel?
Just because they don’t complain doesn’t mean they like it - they will be being too polite!

[SilverFoxman]

Your husband seems to be taking the right approach. Football in small gardens is going to anoy the hell out of neighbours. Get them involved in a football club and or take them to the park. I like to hear children playing in gardens but the constant thud of footballs against a fence is like torture. Anything but football.

[LolaDarkdestroyer]

Trust me the banging is fucking annoying and I'd be annoyed. I don't let mine play football in mine. There are 2 annoying brats 2 doors down that do and fuck be it's a headache...plus half their fence is off.

[Sostenueto]

And I'm sick and tired of people going on about smokers. I have always smoked outside even before the law changed, away from other people. But I would have to stand next to a person outside chain-smoking for 60 years+ to deliver enough damage to the other person's lungs that standing at a kerb for 4 minutes on a busy road does.

[Sostenueto]

Why don't people just do a simple thing. Put yourselves in the place of someone else. How would you feel if you could not relax or hear yourself think because the kids next door were constantly screaming and shouting and banging the shit out of your fence? How would you feel if you had just put your washing out or had asthma when the idiot next door lights a bonfire? How would you feel if someone damaged your property? Just stop it and learn to be more considerate. Stop putting yourselves first all the time. Stop and think would you want to live next door to such an inconsiderate neighbour? Ffs! That is all it takes, a little bit if thought for others. It costs nothing to be a decent person!

[LouiseCollina]

What do you think the police would do if you called the police to say your neighbours' children were kicking a ball against your fence and shouting?

I'm quite certain that would depend on the timing of the call, i.e. whether or not it fell within hours that'd make it a public order offence. Good luck calling the police at any time of day or night over a cigarette. Enough calls of that nature might trigger a referral to mental health services!

[awkwardbuttons]

But why is shouting by children any more antisocial or unreasonable than smoke from a cigarette? That's the question I keep asking you. To me, both are inconsiderate and antisocial if you have small gardens. You disagree - why?

You said this:
If you were to call the police over a bonfire you’d likely find the law on your side. If you rang them complaining about a cigarette smoker they’d probably think it was a prank call.

What do you think the police would do if you called the police to say your neighbours' children were kicking a ball against your fence and shouting?

[LouiseCollina]

Why is it OK for smoke but not noise?

It isn’t. Both smoke and noise are considered unacceptable at unreasonable levels. That’s why there’s a difference between a bonfire and a cigarette, as there’s a difference between a conversation and a brass band.

[ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo]

I live on an estate where there aren't any back gardens, and the neighbours' children (pre-lockdown, anyway) would basically spend hours outdoors screaming and kicking balls off cars. My letterbox ended up being smashed off my front door. Spoke to parents, who shrugged and blamed it on the lack of garden.

Point being - it's antisocial and there's no need for it. Kids (especially 7 and 9!) can play and enjoy themselves, run around etc., without screaming and damaging other peoples' property. Would you be prepared to pay for any damage caused? If not, you need to put a stop to it.

[awkwardbuttons]

Also I never said a garden was a shared public space. You mentioned people being encouraged not to smoke indoors. But that does not apply to inside their home. Why can't they smoke there? It's easier to smoke inside than kick a ball or jump on a trampoline. So why is one ok and not the other?

[awkwardbuttons]

That doesn't stop it being inconsiderate and annoying to neighbours. Why is it OK for smoke but not noise?

A garden is a private outdoor space but you will still be blowing your smoke over other people and into their home if their windows are open. I find it antisocial and horrible. Much worse than noise from the children.

[LouiseCollina]

Yes they are told to take it out of shared public spaces. A garden is not a shared public space; it is a private outdoor space. Barbecues and cigarettes emit a level of smoke far, far below bonfires. That’s probably why both are legal and burning both in private gardens is also legal. If you were to call the police over a bonfire you’d likely find the law on your side. If you rang them complaining about a cigarette smoker they’d probably think it was a prank call.

[awkwardbuttons]

But they're told to take it out of shared public spaces, not indoors at their home. Presumably they don't mind the smell seeing as they're the one smoking.

Why is smoking OK but noise not? Both impact on your neighbours if you have small gardens.

[LouiseCollina]

@awkwardbuttons Well I hear you about the bonfires, they are appalling. I think it’s unreasonable to try to dictate garden barbecues or cigarette smoking though. For decades now smokers have been told to take it outdoors; for some people to try to tell them to take it back indoors is just absurd!

[Farheatarse]

My neighbours both sides have football obsessed kids. The noise of the ball smashing in to the fence is just awful. I’m wfh and my desk is right above the fenceline, the noise seems amplified almost as it travels through the walls.

I am relieved when the ball goes over the fence, I don’t throw them back. I will give them back if someone knocks and asks for it, but otherwise they stay in my garden... those hours of peace are amazing!

[tenlittlecygnets]

Sounds like your garden is too small for playing football in! And you need to think about others - banging a football against a wall or fence is a really annoying noise.

Your dh needs to parent better and be more tolerant too though - can he put on headphones?

Suggest giving your dc a foam ball for throwing to each other. Football only in park. Or you can get a ball on a string attached to a weight so it can't go anywhere...

Your dc will have loads of energy to burn off. Is your h taking them out for walks or on their bikes to help tire them out, or just shouting at them?

[simplekindoflife]

Depends how long it's going on for.

In the current climate, I think it's a bit mean to take away their ball altogether. Could they just play football for a one hour slot each day? Minimising the impact on the neighbours and giving your DH the chance to turn the tv up or put some ear plugs in - or maybe he could even join in and play with his dc occasionally?!

[Hendrixrain]

I also have a lot of dents in my front door from where NDNs boys play on the open plan driveways and use my door to bound their footballs off. Will post a pic when I can. Looks like someone has tried to break in it’s that bad. The noise is horrendous when they do it but I don’t feel I can ‘tell them off’ as they’re not my children. They could also get aggressive as they seen very brazen. I would not be able to face my neighbours if I caught my kids damaging their house

[Hendrixrain]

I also don’t understand the universal concept that just because it’s children doing it then it’s okay. If I or DH were messing around with a football/basketball and it went crashing into a neighbours garden breaking their possessions then I’d be fucking mortified and probably have to move

[Hendrixrain]

We have neighbours like you except the parents don’t even bother to ask their children to be quiet. Yes it’s wonderful to hear children laughing and playing but not manically and all day long every day. You have to instil some level of quietness in your children otherwise they’re going to grow up to be quite the disrespectful handful.

We rent a house that has a lovely garden and conservatory. We’re yet to get any furniture due to the lockdown and I would not be polite if one of the kids straying balls damaged my furniture. We get footballs over daily and they don’t politely ask for them back. Just expect us to throw them over without saying a word so now we have a collection going. Proper footballs as well that would most certainly smash our conservatory if it hit the glass. We have a 4yo DD and I hate her playing out there incase she gets hit. Also due another baby in a week and I will not be able to keep my cool if baby’s pram gets hit by a football in my own garden. In fact, if neighbours kids are being loud and then my baby starts to cry because of it/wake from sleep and their parents don’t tell them to be quiet I’ll lose all respect for them. Well, these are the same people who thought it was acceptable to have a tonne of people over for their child’s birthday party the other day so they clearly feel they’re all above everyone else.

[Sostenueto]

I'm surprised your neighbours are so tolerant. I would not be. I agree children should be allowed to let off steam and in normal circumstances a trip to the park or nearest open space to do that would be fine. These are not normal circumstances. Everyone has restrictions on their movements and yes, their behaviour too. That goes for your DC too. Great idea softball or badminton or even those target things someone posted pictures of. And basketball. But I understand DC need to let off steam occasionally but in these abnormal circumstances that must be in a controlled way for the sake of your neighbours and a good time to reach your DC some discipline. Channel their energy in a constructive way. Try playing with them instead of letting them run wild. Get them to do laps of your garden for a good cause like the 99 year old Captain Tom. Do something constructive with your DC!

[StoneofDestiny]

This attitude that they can't help it is ridiculous
Exactly.

They can get exercise without a football - or get one of those balls attached to a pole with a rope to stop it going into peoples gardens or banging a fence. Shouting is just not necessary.

If their noise is having that affect in your DH (and they are his kids), imagine the impact on your neighbours!

[KatherineJaneway]

For me it depends on how long they are out there playing 'very loudly' and what times.