Shouting in the garden and football hitting the fence

[TwistedFairytales]

We have a very small garden. We have an 8ft trampoline in it and 2 mini football goals. My 2 boys 7 and 9, tend to shout as kids do, very loudly when bouncing and excited. They also tend to kick the football and hit the back fence when they miss which backs onto another garden. The ball also hits the living room windows on occasion.

My husband has absolutely zero tolerance for any of this, the shouting and banging the fence and window. We bought a lighter ball and it actuallymakes the same noise banging the fence but it would be extremely unlikely ot would cause any damage. That tells me the harder football is making it sound worse than it is if that makes sense.
I try to tell them gently and nicely about it but he just goes in like a bull bellowing at them and shoutong to stop it. Its got to the point now where they dont want to play outside anymore ad they say 'we'll just get told off'. I'm more tolerant of the situation and kids will be kids. We are the middle house of three terraces. 4yo boy one side, couple early 60s other side with grown up boys. We get on well with all of them.

AIBU to think shouting and fence banging isnt really that much of a big deal? We have argued over it as we both disagree with the others attitude.

Get one large goal at one end of the garden. If they are shooting into that it should stop most of the balls hitting the fence.

Banging against fence is annoying and will eventually damage the fence ( speaking from experience ) once my two got older I had to stop football shooting as they just had two powerful a kick and had to say park only , but bit different at moment so maybe limit football for just a little bit a day , kids screaming and Playing as long as not 7 am don't see a problem

My parents have been unable to leave their house at all during lockdown (on the extremely vulnerable list) and gave the misfortune to have neighbours just like you.

This means they can’t even sit out in their back garden for fear of being hit by a ball.
They enjoy gardening but get really disappointed by plants being broken.
Until lockdown they used to throw the balls back or answer the door when the children Dane round but I have told them they must absolutely not do this any more so they have just moved them (with latex gloves) to the edge of the garden- they gave 16 so far.

So yes you are VVU.

Cannot understand why you need to ask, your poor neighbours.
Banging balls on their fence and loud shouting ftom your children?
If mine are too loud they are told to come in and mind the neighbours...as for the fence exactly the same thing.
Consider your poor neighbours please.

@awkwardbuttons When you were talking about smoking in gardens did you mean neighbours lighting bomb fires, barbecues or smoking cigarettes? Bomb fires are out of the question as far as I’m concerned, but people are perfectly entitled to light barbecues or smoke cigarettes!

A few years ago I spent a miserable summer with neighbours renting next door to me whose kids were allowed to play in the same fashion. Utterly miserable. Please don't be that person.

If my kids "shout loudly" in the garden, they are sent back inside.
That rarely happens because they know it's not acceptable.

Kids don't need to shout loudly, scream, and have absolutely no excuse to kick the fence.

The ball hitting the fence wouldn't bother me. Next doors children do this often but I don't mind too much. The shouting not acceptable. Do you let them shout inside? I bet you don't because it's annoying so think how your poor neighbours feel. Why should your children get to dictate who can enjoy their garden and when? This is what you are doing by letting be so loud.
Install garden rules with your children. If they become loud one warning then they come inside. I don't think your husband's approach is great but i can see where he's coming from. You need to consider other people's needs.

Kids of 7 and 9 can play without shouting loudly. They are not babies. That and balls against the fence constantly is very irritating. If my kids were shouting and didn’t stop after being told I would make them come in. I am with your husband on this one. YABU.

I'm amazed at these replies. I think I'm one of the very few that's 'Team OP' here

I think her children are perfectly entitled to play in their own garden including making some noise and kicking a football.

I do also agree with PPs suggestions of alternatives, like a rebounder.

I don't think it's ok to do this all day long but for parts of the day, yes, it's fine. Everyone sounds so grumpy - they are children! They are allowed to play in their own garden. Sure, it might irritate you but you have to suck it up, you chose to live in an estate with houses all around you.

This doesn't mean that I agree with being inconsiderate - absolutely encourage your kids to try and keep the noise down, limit football time, and don't have them out all day.

But your DH shouting at them isn't ok - I'm being a bit of hypocrite saying that though, as my kids of a similar age, also kick footballs against my windows and I get exasperated!

But overall, kids must be allowed to play, within reason, in their back garden, especially now.

So OP, YANBU in my view ... I seem to be about only the 2nd person to hold that view though!

@LouiseCollina
Bonfires completely unacceptable unless you have given prior warning. Barbecue fine but nice to let the neighbours know first. I meant cigarette smoking though.

If both the noise and the smoke bothers the neighbours, why does smoking trump the neighbours' rights but not the noise? A grown adult can just as easily stand elsewhere, smoke inside, etc.

*sorry, why does NOISE trump but not smoking... I am very tired clearly

Yeah I agree with your husband as well
You're probably irritating all your neighbours but they're too polite to tell you. Yabu

Genuinely thought you were my neighbour until you said you were in a terraced house. Neighbours have their children in the garden all day playing football which kicks the fence repeatedly. Every time it hits our fence my dog gets really anxious. As a previous poster also said, it damages the fence slats. We’ve also had their footballs come over a number of times (recently it was almost on a daily basis) and they have caused damage. They broke one of my cucumber plants I had spent weeks growing and also more recently broke our garden lights.
Thankfully the parents had some sense and when we went and had a conversation with them they were very apologetic and we haven’t had a ball over since.
They also spend the whole time arguing in the garden but I find this more entertaining than anything.
The ball hitting the fence/window is unacceptable imo and will be driving the neighbours mad I am sure.

Following on another thread on that same topic, I recorded with my phone the decibels coming out of our neighbour jumping on the trampoline making the noise you describe in your thread. From our side of the garden, it came out at 80+ decibels. Safe levels of decibels in considered to be 70.

It's unpleasant, but can be endured when it goes on for 15 MNS there and then. When it goes on for 1/2 hour more all the way through the day, it's torture.

You might be immune to the sound, just like my neighbour seems to be, but for some people, especially those who naturally find loud sound painful (as I have always have, never enjoyed concerts, nightclubs etc... for that reason), it genuinely is painful.

No child NEED to scream and shout. It's just a bad habit that they have built in because they've been allowed to. Many kids all around the world are able to have fun jumping on a trampoline without screaming and shouting. This attitude that they can't help it is ridiculous.

For me it depends on how long they are out there playing 'very loudly' and what times.

This attitude that they can't help it is ridiculous
Exactly.

They can get exercise without a football - or get one of those balls attached to a pole with a rope to stop it going into peoples gardens or banging a fence. Shouting is just not necessary.

If their noise is having that affect in your DH (and they are his kids), imagine the impact on your neighbours!

I'm surprised your neighbours are so tolerant. I would not be. I agree children should be allowed to let off steam and in normal circumstances a trip to the park or nearest open space to do that would be fine. These are not normal circumstances. Everyone has restrictions on their movements and yes, their behaviour too. That goes for your DC too. Great idea softball or badminton or even those target things someone posted pictures of. And basketball. But I understand DC need to let off steam occasionally but in these abnormal circumstances that must be in a controlled way for the sake of your neighbours and a good time to reach your DC some discipline. Channel their energy in a constructive way. Try playing with them instead of letting them run wild. Get them to do laps of your garden for a good cause like the 99 year old Captain Tom. Do something constructive with your DC!

We have neighbours like you except the parents don’t even bother to ask their children to be quiet. Yes it’s wonderful to hear children laughing and playing but not manically and all day long every day. You have to instil some level of quietness in your children otherwise they’re going to grow up to be quite the disrespectful handful.

We rent a house that has a lovely garden and conservatory. We’re yet to get any furniture due to the lockdown and I would not be polite if one of the kids straying balls damaged my furniture. We get footballs over daily and they don’t politely ask for them back. Just expect us to throw them over without saying a word so now we have a collection going. Proper footballs as well that would most certainly smash our conservatory if it hit the glass. We have a 4yo DD and I hate her playing out there incase she gets hit. Also due another baby in a week and I will not be able to keep my cool if baby’s pram gets hit by a football in my own garden. In fact, if neighbours kids are being loud and then my baby starts to cry because of it/wake from sleep and their parents don’t tell them to be quiet I’ll lose all respect for them. Well, these are the same people who thought it was acceptable to have a tonne of people over for their child’s birthday party the other day so they clearly feel they’re all above everyone else.

I also don’t understand the universal concept that just because it’s children doing it then it’s okay. If I or DH were messing around with a football/basketball and it went crashing into a neighbours garden breaking their possessions then I’d be fucking mortified and probably have to move

I also have a lot of dents in my front door from where NDNs boys play on the open plan driveways and use my door to bound their footballs off. Will post a pic when I can. Looks like someone has tried to break in it’s that bad. The noise is horrendous when they do it but I don’t feel I can ‘tell them off’ as they’re not my children. They could also get aggressive as they seen very brazen. I would not be able to face my neighbours if I caught my kids damaging their house

Depends how long it's going on for.

In the current climate, I think it's a bit mean to take away their ball altogether. Could they just play football for a one hour slot each day? Minimising the impact on the neighbours and giving your DH the chance to turn the tv up or put some ear plugs in - or maybe he could even join in and play with his dc occasionally?!

Sounds like your garden is too small for playing football in! And you need to think about others - banging a football against a wall or fence is a really annoying noise.

Your dh needs to parent better and be more tolerant too though - can he put on headphones?

Suggest giving your dc a foam ball for throwing to each other. Football only in park. Or you can get a ball on a string attached to a weight so it can't go anywhere...

Your dc will have loads of energy to burn off. Is your h taking them out for walks or on their bikes to help tire them out, or just shouting at them?

My neighbours both sides have football obsessed kids. The noise of the ball smashing in to the fence is just awful. I’m wfh and my desk is right above the fenceline, the noise seems amplified almost as it travels through the walls.

I am relieved when the ball goes over the fence, I don’t throw them back. I will give them back if someone knocks and asks for it, but otherwise they stay in my garden... those hours of peace are amazing!